Negotiation | Elisa K. Spain

But, Do They Really Like You?

February 5, 2017January 27, 2017 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Many years ago, Sally Field famously accepted her Oscar saying, “You like me,” she declared. “You really like me.” With the strong emphasis on the word really. Turns out what she actually said was, “I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me.” We probably misremember or misheard the quote, because it isn’t just actors who are primarily motivated by being liked, we all are. Psychologists say this misquote is so sticky because it exemplifies a central human need.

And, whether we are liked, impacts our ability to have long term, lasting, success. Likability is an essential component of EQ. Likability impacts the legacy we leave.

I am fascinated, particularly lately, with how this shows up in politics. Here in Chicago, our mayor nearly lost the last election, despite what he has accomplished, because lots of people, don’t like him. Our previous mayor was extremely popular. As a result, he could do things that people didn’t like (like swoop in and close an airport in the middle of the night, without any authority to do so), because people liked him, even if they didn’t always like what he did. The airport closing, by the way, turned out to be something the citizens of Chicago ended up liking because it became a lovely park and concert venue. And, our parks and the overall beauty of the city is part of Mayor Daley’s legacy.

Working with CEOs and executives, I observe the same phenomenon. The CEOs who, like Sally Field, are really liked, by their teams, get results. They get a pass when they make a mistake, especially when they own it and admit it. And more importantly, they get support when they want something to happen.

As we think about our own leadership, a question worth asking ourselves, perhaps daily:

What can I do today, to hone my EQ skills and increase my likability?

Perspective…

January 8, 2017January 6, 2017 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

A couple of weeks ago, I had an experience that reminded me how true it is that we see the world through our own perspective. So much so that our experience, in the exact same situation as someone else, can be entirely different. And it’s not until we pause and sincerely try to see the world as the other person does that we can appreciate their perspective.

Here’s the story. A man I dated briefly, my first year of college, sent me a message through Facebook Messenger. At first, I wasn’t sure who the sender was, after all, this was more than 40 years ago. After a while I remembered, so I responded and said hello. He wrote back telling me he was glad to be in touch because he owed me an apology. Turned out, from his perspective, when I transferred to another college we had an agreement that he was to join me. He didn’t join me after all, he said, and he felt he had broken our agreement.

High standards he has for himself you might say, especially since he is still thinking about this after 40 years, that’s perhaps a topic for another discussion about letting stuff go.

Going back to the perspective subject, my memory of the situation was completely different. What I remembered was he did contact me and I had moved on; I wasn’t wanting or expecting to see him.

Who knows which perspective is what actually happened; perspective in this case is clouded by years. However, the fact that each of us remembered the exact same situation so differently, has stayed with me since our brief interchange on Facebook Messenger.

It’s a reminder to me to stop and listen and ask questions, to be sure I work hard to see the world as the people in my life see it. As a leadership coach, I must work to see every perspective, not just my own. Not easy and nothing important is easy, is it?

The challenge for most of us is we are busy moving forward, busy with our own perspectives and we just don’t take the time to pause. We assume, we challenge, and we see only what we believe to be so.

In this new year, what will you do, to try to see the world from someone else’s perspective?

Thoughts For The Coming Year

December 18, 2016December 18, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

As I was pondering what to write as we close 2016, I visited my post from the close of 2015 and discovered, sadly, that the December 2015 blog could have been written today.

With that in mind, I am reposting the same guest blog from my friend and fellow Vistage Chair, Larry Cassidy. For me, Larry’s commentary continues to express the challenge we face as a nation and as leaders.

With that in mind, I am making it visible here once again, offering you some food for thought as you begin the holiday season.

Wishing you peace and opportunity in the New Year.

Larry’s Post from December 2015

My first newsletter was sent on June 27, 2011, some 230 newsletters ago. And for those 4½ years I have stepped carefully around politics. Today I will take edge up to that tricky topic, not so much traditional politics, but rather on who we are, and what price we 322-million folks are willing to pay to be that.

We have undergone many serious gut-shots in the past several years, Paris and San Bernardino being the latest. As I ponder these tragedies, and before releasing this newsletter into the wild, my thoughts go to three big ideas:

becoming the best version of ourselves,
the hard price we are (or are not) willing to pay to get and stay there,
our leadership as a part of all that.

There are many pieces to that, and we each have our own ideas. I will share mine below. You may disagree. But I do so because it is a conversation we cannot avoid, and all voices are required.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

The Statue of Liberty, dedicated 10/28/1886

Terrorism is a stark and frightening example of what others can do to us. Paris. San Bernardino. Too much, too often. And leadership is what we choose to do about it, and how we go about doing it.

Once again, we confront events with which we have not contended (remember: Pearl Harbor, the Cuban Missile Crisis, 9/11), and while such moments spawn anger and paranoia, they also summon our better angels. Which is one more good reason we would rather live here than anywhere else in the world, our flaws notwithstanding.

As I now savor almost-eight decades, I wonder if our fears might extinguish the Statue of Liberty’s torch, our shining beacon of freedom. And I question whether my opportunity to be born here, to live here, and to experience this thing called America, could have happened had such fear and paranoia won the early days of our history.

A bit dramatic? Go back a century-or-more, and we Irish were potato-heads, lazy scum. Italians were looked on as not much better. Jews? Forget it. African Americans, which was hardly what they were called? Slaves at best. Nor does that count Japanese-Americans or German-Americans in WWII. Pretty lucky for we shoddy Irish (and me) that we got past much of that.

Yes, we each have a right to feel, to fear, to embrace and to be safe. But before we pounce, look around. Soak it in. The ethnic, religious and nationalistic mess we behold is what has combined to make us great. It is our grand experiment, a palate on which each color and belief and ancestry is a part. It is us. So, what will it be ten, or fifty, or a hundred years from now?

Once again, we are in the process of deciding. In every business, classroom, sanctuary, gathering and discussion. And we are the leaders: the parents, coaches, elders, teachers, business executives. Make no mistake, we are deciding, we are leading and we are teaching.

So what will we do, and how will we go about doing it?
Which parts of what made this country great will we keep, and which will we discard?
Will we mirror or will we reject what those who threaten us espouse?
And once we decide, once we move on, will we have found our way to safety while continuing to lift our lamp beside the golden door?

This is a big deal. And we are all right in the middle of it.

Larry Cassidy

P.S. This is the last post this year, see you back here in January.

In Your Effort To Please, Are You Giving Away The Store?

December 11, 2016December 10, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Much has been written about The Ritz Carlton Way. The takeaway I always hear is “empower your front line employees to deliver WOW experiences”. Today many other organizations follow this Ritz Carlton Way.

The intent of this approach is to allow employees to resolve a customer situation and have the customer walk away so pleased that they return and tell others about the experience. As with anything else, the best intentions can sometimes go awry. Here are some examples I have observed recently:

A customer at Whole Foods asks for product A and they don’t have it, so the employee offers a Try Me (aka free) for Product B. All fine and good; I believe this is the intent of Whole Foods management. But what about the employee that offers a Try Me, simply because they have only 1/2 a pound of the product and the customer wants 1 pound? Should the 1/2 pound be offered as a Try Me?
A salesman makes an error in writing up an order for a construction job. The salesman works with the office to ensure the errors are corrected at no charge to the customer. Again, all good. But then that same customer asks for additional changes and the salesman, feeling bad about the earlier mistakes, gives away those additional items at no charge. Is this the Ritz Carlton Way, or is it giving away the store?

It’s a fine line, and of course, judgement is required. I also wonder how many companies that have adopted the Ritz Carlton Way have also adopted the extensive training and monitoring for which Ritz Carlton has become famous. In fact, there is a Ritz Carlton leadership center that offers public courses in delivering what they call memorable customer service.

Even when the design includes training, as with all initiatives, the DIME Method comes into play. We often leave off with Design and Implement and forget to Monitor and Evaluate. With this in mind, I leave you with the question I asked at the beginning,

In their effort to please, are your front line employees giving away the store?

Are You Green & Growing?

December 4, 2016December 4, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

The further along we get in our careers, the more we know and the more we are challenged to stay curious.

Every now and then I meet a leader that knows it all. They have “the way” they do things that worked for them in the past and as leaders, they are certain it will work today.

They share “the way” with their team, expecting them to accept “the way” and to become successful because of it. They do this with the best of intentions, and yet, the results don’t come. Frustrated, they try again. If only folks would simply execute “the way”, they will be successful and so will our company.

Alas, they discover, it doesn’t work the way it once did. This leader has two choices, s/he can continue to lead as s/he has always done, or… s/he can become curious.

What I have noticed is businesses, like ourselves, are living beings. And, like a plant, if I am not willing, and able, to be green and growing, the result is, I, and my company, become ripe and eventually rotting.

Remember That First Date?

November 20, 2016November 5, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

In my practice as a Vistage chair, I often find myself noticing the similarities between business and dating. After all, dating is a “deal” of a sort, and there are “rules” and best practices we follow in an effort to get what we want, i.e. more dates, and in that special case, marriage.

Like dating, when we want that new customer, new employee or acquisition deal, there are rules and practices that business people follow to get what they want. And like dating, the “rules” are generally not written and the practices are learned along the way both from our own experience and from others who have done it before.

Here are some dating and business best practices I’ve learned along the way:

Be authentic.
Be respectful.
Be clear on what you are looking for in a partner, a customer, an employee or potential acquisition.
Be clear what it is you bring to the table and be realistic. That high powered CFO may be great in a Fortune 500 company, but is she really what your $30mm company needs?
Put yourself in situations to meet new people that fit. No matter what anyone tells you, it’s not a game of numbers; it’s all about defining and measuring fit.
Be clear about what fits with your culture.Unless your culture is one that fits, that wild guy or gal you wouldn’t bring home to Mom is probably not going to be your SO or your best customer, no matter what you are willing to pay.
As soon as you meet “Mr. or Ms. Right”, go out with someone else (when we get fixated on winning one partner, customer, employee, or acquisition candidate (buyer/seller), we can appear desperate). In short, play like you have nothing to lose.
Go on a date with anyone once (okay, not someone you know is an ax murderer).
Go on a second date, if there was a spark of interest.
When she says she needs some time alone, or the prospect doesn’t get back to us right away, its not the time to call a day later and suggest coffee.
Once you have made a commitment, be committed. Give your customer, employee, buyer/seller a chance to right a wrong.
And… when a relationship fails (or the service is consistently poor), don’t drag out the exit. End it. Learn from your mistakes. Decide what to look for next round and start the cycle again.

Please click on comments and share your additions to this list.

Wait I Am An Entrepreneur, Not A CEO!

November 15, 2016November 15, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

In my practice as a Vistage chair, I often hear entrepreneurs say, “I don’t want to lose the culture as I grow this company” or “We are like a family; I want to keep this feeling as we grow”. And yet as the company grows, the culture inevitably changes and the owner no longer knows the name and the family of every employee.

In the early days, everyone is equal and it is all about getting the job done, getting the orders out, meeting the customer needs. Typically the owner is the chief sales officer and innovator. As a company adds more people, “management” becomes necessary and terms like “building a leadership team” come into play.

Suddenly the owner is thrust into the role of CEO. Some enjoy the change, and most long for the simpler days when everyone was pulling together without any hierarchy. And, while longing for the “old days” s/he is excited about the growth and excited about having a broader impact.

So… s/he hires some executives and asks them to show the way. All well and good, except these folks are focused on their own career path. These key executives want the opportunity to innovate and have an impact themselves. The CEO while still expected to define the vision, must also become a coach and mentor, allowing others to grow and develop as leaders.

This transition from entrepreneurial management to professional management is what Vistage is all about. Members come together to discuss these challenges and inspire each other to make the necessary changes to achieve the results they desire. The ultimate goal for most is to build a sustainable enterprise, one where the CEO’s vision can be achieved without the CEO’s handprint.

Those that are able to make these changes are those rare few that build and lead the less than 1% of companies >$100mm in revenue.

The Unintended Consequences Of Mentorship

November 10, 2016November 10, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

During my career I have been fortunate to be a mentor to several talented individuals, and to have had wonderful mentors myself.

For me, there are few rewards in leadership that are as good as those that come from mentoring someone and watching them grow into successful leaders themselves. Similarly, I can attribute much of what I have accomplished to the mentorship I have received throughout my career. Mentors who generously gave their time and wisdom to me and modeled behavior I wanted to emulate.

And at the same time, I have discovered some unintended consequences of both being a mentor and having a mentor.

Occasionally, we are seen as mentors without realizing it. We become role models for others sometimes without knowing it. So what’s the issue? Being a role model equates with expectations. When we don’t meet those expectations, the impact can be crushing. After all, we are supposed to be wise and set a good example, and, know what to do, and, do it right… and guess what? We all fail sometimes; we all do things we aren’t proud of sometimes. In short, mentors are humans and if we expect our mentors to always do the right thing, the best thing, we will always be disappointed.

And as mentors, we forget sometimes that mentorship is not forever. We must recognize when it is time to evolve the relationship and recognize when our mentee grows beyond their mentor. It’s not that we don’t benefit from mentoring at every point in our lives; rather it is that a single mentor fulfills a role at a point in time. And then it gets sticky. What happens next? The relationship was uneven. Can it move to a peer relationship? Or does it end? Endings are sad, and sometimes necessary. In my experience, it is delightful when a mentor becomes a friend and peer. For this to happen, it takes awareness, intention and ego set aside by both people. Not easy.

So, the next time you become a mentor or seek a mentor, ask yourself, and even better ask your mentor/mentee:

What do I expect from me in this relationship?
What do you expect from me in this relationship?

Time To Find Something New?

October 23, 2016October 6, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

So many quotes, so many articles written about the value of sticking to something, the value of not giving up, the value of continuing to stay the course even in the face of adversity.

But what about the flip side? What about the importance of recognizing when it is time to find something new?

Time for the entrepreneur, who after 5 years doesn’t have traction, to try the next thing. And instead, she shows up every day to try, try try; but it is not fun, perhaps never was, and the results show it.
Time for the founder who created something special, had fun when it was small and is no longer working in his genius to move on. Perhaps hire a president, perhaps sell, perhaps even shut down. And instead of moving on, he shows up every day to try, try, try; but it is no longer fun and the results show it.
Time for the young professional manager to pause and think about what she really wants from her career. Perhaps, give up managing because it’s not what she likes or move from the safe corporate job to a smaller company where she can have more of an impact. Instead, she shows up every day to try, try, try, but it is increasingly hard to do. It’s not fun and the morale of her team shows it.
Time for the mature professional manager to retire. He long ago lost interest in his work, but has no idea what he would do with his time. So instead of figuring out what else may be on the horizon and meeting with a financial planner to understand his financial options, he shows up every day to try, try, try; but it’s not fun, and the results show it.

Is any of this you? Is it time to for you to find something new?

Goal Time Again

October 2, 2016September 15, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Each year when the leaves begin to fall, it’s a reminder that we are entering the final quarter of the year. For me, it’s time to take stock of what has happened thus far this year, evaluate how we did against our plan and begin thinking about next year.

The questions I ask are:

What would you like to be different in 2017, either professionally or personally?
What will you plan to do differently, so that you achieve these different results?
How will you hold yourself accountable for these results? Will you write down your goals? Will you carry them around with you as a reminder of your desires?