The Secret of Life

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I’ve had several conversations lately with clients and colleagues about life stages. In 1977, James Taylor wrote The Secret o’ Life. The full lyrics are worth a read, and here’s an excerpt: 

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.

Any fool can do it, 

There ain’t nothing to it.

Nobody knows how we got 

To the top of the hill.

But since we’re on our way down, 

We might as well enjoy the ride.

Isn’t it a lovely ride? 

Sliding down, gliding down,

Try not to try too hard, 

It’s just a lovely ride.

I am struck by Taylor’s wisdom at the age of 27 when he wrote this, and the lyrics remind me of a personal experience with an older man years later. 

 I was sitting on a bench at the old Union Station. The man sat down next to me, and we engaged in conversation. I asked him where he was headed, and he replied with glee, “San Francisco!”

“Wow,” I said, “that is a long way to go on the train.” His reply: “There is as much fun in getting there as there is in being there.”

Taylor’s lyrics and the words of the man on the bench have stayed with me, and I often think of their words in these situations:

  • When I am too focused on getting to the outcome
  • When it’s time to pause
  • When it’s time to remember to be in the moment

As I embark on a trip to Japan in May, I plan to practice the in-the-moment secret, beginning with a hiatus from Sunday Stories. I will publish my usual end-of-month quote next week, and I will see you in June

Nurture Your Butterflies

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

When was the last time you wasted time? When you were “wasting time,” did you feel joyful and creative, or — if you’re like me, did you feel even a tiny bit guilty for “being unproductive?” 

How much better might it have been? How much more would you have enjoyed your time — how much more would you have gotten out of it — if you didn’t feel guilty about it or feel the need to explain it?

Here’s a fact: downtime is vital to our lives.

As human beings, we often find ourselves caught in the never-ending cycle of productivity, constantly striving to achieve more.

Contrary to popular belief, wasting time can actually be beneficial for our overall well-being. However, wasting time poorly is a sin (or whichever word you prefer) because not only are you forgoing the productivity, generosity, and art that comes from work, but you’re also giving up the experimentation, creativity, and joy that comes from wasting time.

If you’re going to waste time (and I hope you will), please do it well; and find inspiration by nurturing your butterflies within.

Is It Time to Wait or Time to Act?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

A once well-known brand, Paul Masson wine, is best remembered for its 1970s marketing association with Orson Wells, who promised on behalf of Masson: “We will sell no wine before its time.” In this ad, Wells is discovered by the camera listening to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, “It took Beethoven four years to write that symphony” Wells says, “Some things can’t be rushed. Good music… and good wine”.

Steve Jobs was famous for delaying production and, ultimately, the release of products until he was satisfied that the design met his goal. He was reputed to have sent his product development team back to the drawing board, time after time, to get the design exactly as he wanted it, e.g., perhaps the most well-known example, “just one button.” 

On the other hand, in 2012, Elon Musk forever changed the automobile landscape when the first Tesla rolled off the assembly line. At the time, many believed this car was sold “before it was time.”

When considering a transition or pursuing something I want, I remind myself to reflect on these stories and ask:

Is it time to wait or time to act?

What Is the Leadership Message in All Quiet on the Western Front?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Last night my husband and I watched All Quiet on the Western Front. It was my idea to watch it because it has already won several awards and was nominated for several Oscars, including best picture. Right from the start, I wanted to turn it off and yet felt compelled to continue. 

This movie was graphic and harrowing; I think it felt real because of this. For two and a half hours, it was as if we were on the front lines, experiencing the horror while somehow safely tucked away from harm.

The book was required reading for most high school students of my generation. Upon reflection, I wonder why? Was it an attempt to prepare young men called to fight in Vietnam? Was it a silent protest on the part of educators? I don’t know, and I couldn’t find an explanation in my research. 

It’s a story of humanity and the loss of humanity while at the same time a story of leadership. Not the traditional message that military leaders are the best leadership examples and should therefore be role models. Instead, it portrays all types of leaders, fallible humans, capable leaders, and those that are completely incompetent. Most importantly, the writers showed us the human cost of hubris. 

I always remembered the book, especially the scene when the protagonist is in the trench with a French soldier. The movie brought home the message of humanity even more.

Sadly, as the horrors of war continue today in Ukraine and elsewhere, the following quote from Einstein reminds us how far we have not come.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts, and his feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

Perhaps the message the author and the screenwriters are sending is:

It is time for those of us who have the responsibility and the honor to lead to also take on the responsibility to practice humanity.

How Do You Define Professional?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I am a member of a peer group of other coaches. Each month, one of our members poses a thought question to the group. Recently, he asked, “How do you define professional?”.

As intended, both the question and the answers caused me to pause. The answers included:

  • Respectful and honest
  • Speaking candidly while being kind
  • Keeping my self-awareness higher than my self-confidence
  • It depends on the circumstances; what may be professional in one case may be considered unprofessional in another
  • Showing up and doing your best even when you are tired, stressed, or otherwise dealing with challenges in your life

This last response triggered a memory for me.

Years ago, a woman I knew told me she learned her father had suddenly died just as she was about to go on stage to give a speech. She proudly told me that she put on a smile, went on stage, delivered her speech, and afterward sat down and cried.

I felt unsettled about her choice, and her comments stayed with me.

  • Was this “professional” or something else?
  • When does our desire to “be professional” overtake our responsibility for self-care?
  • How do we recognize the difference and apply the “it depends on the circumstances answer?”

What Do You Do When You Feel Stuck?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

We’ve all been there. We are working on a project and can’t get to completion. Or not to a completion for which we are satisfied The project could be something short-term, an assignment for a client, writing the next blog, or it could be something big, perhaps a life decision.

  • Some of us power through, get to an acceptable answer and move on.
  • Some of us pause, ruminate, beat ourselves up for not getting the “right” answer, or even stop altogether.

Whatever your default modus operandi, I invite you to consider an alternative: meditate on it.

Meditation can be

  • Sitting quietly in the traditional form of meditation for a few minutes today, for several days, weeks, or even more, depending on the scope of the challenge.
  • Scheduling what one of my clients refers to as “library time,” time with yourself to write, think, and plan.
  • Or, it could be reading something that inspires you, going for a walk or going for a run.

Whatever it is for you, next time you get stuck, consider meditating on it.

Opportunity or Emptiness

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Several years ago, my husband and I began an annual tradition of welcoming the new year by purging, shredding, scanning, throwing away, and donating stuff.

For me, less stuff opens up possibilities. Less stuff gives us the freedom to choose to go where we want, now or in the future. As I see it, getting rid of stuff opens up space to expand and more easily see and access the things that bring me joy and, in some cases, exchange the old for the new.

For others, stuff is what connects them to the past. They see a void rather than an opening without stuff tightly filling a space. They feel a loss to mourn or a fear of what the future might hold.

Opportunity or emptiness? Abundance or scarcity? These are questions to ask ourselves as we choose to lighten our collection of stuff (or not).

The Fresh Start Effect

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Temporal landmarks inspire us to reflect on our lives in a big-picture way motivating us to set goals for better behavior. 

Researchers describe this phenomenon as the fresh-start effect. According to the fresh-start effect, people are likelier to take action toward a goal after temporal landmarks. Psychologists studying the fresh-start effect show that it works because highlighting meaningful occasions creates a clean slate for people to make better decisions. 

This week is one of those important temporal landmarks. A new year, a new beginning, an opportunity to choose:

  • What matters to me? What am I willing to change or stop so that what matters to me gets my attention?
  • What important thing have I been neglecting? Health perhaps?
  • What actions am I willing to take to turn my resolutions into actions and my actions into habits that extend beyond Valentine’s Day?

It’s That Time Again…

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For many, perhaps most of us, the end of a year is a time for reflection. Last week I posed some questions to consider while Sitting By The Fire. 

This week, as my last story of the year, let’s talk about resolutions. In business, we call it goal-setting, and in our personal lives, we call them “new year’s resolutions.”

Here’s how Webster’s defines each of these:

  • Resolution: to make a definite and serious decision to do something.
  • Goal: something that you are trying to do or achieve

Resolution sounds much more committed, but common lore is that most of us break our resolutions soon after making them. 

Why is that?

Here’s the process most follow for business goals:

  • we set goals for the period
  • we prioritize the goals and focus on the most important
  • we identify the steps we, and our team, need to take 
  • we identify the dependencies that exist and order the process accordingly
  • we establish monitoring systems and milestones so we know how we are progressing toward the goal

In short, for business goals, we have a process, and for those who follow the process, results follow.

In my experience working with business leaders, some follow a similar process for personal goals, and many do not.

For some, a health scare reminds us that life is short and our families depend on us, which leads to getting serious about health and fitness goals, for example.

While most of us require a catalyst to inspire change, I wonder what other, perhaps less severe, motivation we can each find to inspire personal goals or resolutions that are definite and serious and treat them with the same level of importance as our business goals?

Perhaps this is the first resolution to consider for the new year.

Happy Holidays. Thank you for honoring me by reading my Sunday Stories each week. See you in the new year.