Communication | Elisa K. Spain

How Do You Know When It Is Time To Go?

June 5, 2016May 23, 2016 by Elisa Spain2 Comments

Whether you are a business owner, a professional manager, an advisor – or anyone who is engaged in an enterprise for an extended time – how do you know when it is time to go?

“Nothing is forever”, the old saying goes, and yet sometimes, perhaps even frequently, we stay too long. We watch professional athletes stay past their prime; and we participate in the debate about term limits for our congress; and yet, when it comes to our own engagements, how often do we look inward and debate our own need for term limits?

When I was negotiating my exit from the corporate world 15+ years ago, I remember a conversation I had with a friend. My friend asked me what I was going to do if I didn’t get the deal I wanted. My answer was, “I guess I will stay one more year”. Her response, “How many more years are you going to say, one more year?” It was in that moment I realized, it was time for me to go, regardless of the outcome of the negotiation. And… because I had made my decision to exit, I of course, handled the negotiation more effectively.

While this topic comes up every now and then with executives and business owners I coach, it surfaces mostly in a time of frustration. I wonder if instead it might serve us to ask ourselves this question as part of our annual strategic planning. What if, as part of strategic planning, every business owner or executive answered the following 5 questions:

What did I give to the business, other than my time, this past year?
What did I get, other than $$, from my engagement in the business?
How do my answers to #1 and #2 compare to previous years?
If my give/get has declined, what do I need to do to change this and do I have the passion and skill set to do it?
If I didn’t lead or own this business, what would I be doing instead?

My noticing is, that if we have asked these questions in the past and have stopped asking them, we may already know that it is time to go…

Boundaries Do Have Consequences

May 15, 2016May 14, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

As leaders in the 24×7 culture of the 21st century, we all must set boundaries. And they are different for each of us. Some of us like to stay at the office until the work for the day is completed and separate work time from family or play time. Some of us like to be connected all the time, handling things as they come up. These folks prefer a more integrated life rather than a separation. Still, others want to be home in the early evening and choose to “catch up” later on when everyone in their family has gone to bed.

There is no right or wrong; some of it is generational, some of it is just personal preference. And, what I have noticed, in the years I have been coaching executives, is that regardless of preference, setting boundaries is something many people struggle with. And people with young children struggle the most. People with families often agree to boundaries, rather than set boundaries between work and family; and they often forget to set aside time for themselves or agree to boundaries imposed upon them.

This is not a new subject; it is talked about and written about a lot. What I don’t hear discussed, as much, is the consequences of setting boundaries. For the sake of our loved ones, our health, or emotional health, we all must set boundaries that meet our needs. And, what I have come to realize is with very few exceptions, these boundaries have consequences. Sometimes the work doesn’t get done, sometimes our families are hurt or disappointed and sometimes the cost is economic, the customer goes elsewhere or we must leave our position and take one that allows us to live the boundaries we want, perhaps with lower compensation.

The question is, can we be intentional about choosing, so that we knowingly pay a cost we are willing to pay, rather than suffer a cost that we were neither expecting nor prepared to pay?

Achieve No Goal Before It Is Time

April 3, 2016April 1, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Once well-known brand, Paul Masson wine, is best remembered for its 1970s marketing association with Orson Wells, who promised for Masson: “We will sell no wine before its time.” In this ad, Wells is discovered by the camera listening to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, “It took Beethoven four years to write that symphony” Wells says, “Some things can’t be rushed. Good music… and good wine”.

According to one of the members of my Vistage CEO group, the same applies to goals. He says, “it’s the goal that matters, not the timeline. If you don’t achieve your goal in the time frame you set, and it’s something important to you, then change the timeline, not the goal”.

Not unlike my blog, Let It Rest a couple of weeks ago, the message here is, let things unfold at their own pace. It’s hard sometimes to know when to activate, and when to simply pause and wait. Sometimes we want something so badly that we work and work to achieve our goal. What I have learned from observing successful leaders is they recognize what is in their control and what is not. And, they proceed accordingly; sometimes simply waiting for the right time to reengage, and reactivate.

Steve Jobs is famous for delaying the production of, and ultimately the release of products, until he was satisfied that the design met his goal. While he is perceived as an innovator, Apple was never the first mover. The first IPhone-like device was called the Treo. It did a lot of what the first IPhone did, but not well. Steve and his team took their time developing a better product. Steve is reputed to have sent his product development team back to the drawing board, time after time, to get the design exactly as he wanted it, i.e. just one button.

So, when setting your goals for your next product launch, next division, next business opportunity, remember Beethoven and Jobs. And, achieve no goal before it is time, better an IPhone than a Treo.

Let It Rest

March 20, 2016March 18, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

As leaders, most of us are action oriented. Something crosses our desk, we deal with it. An issue comes up with a customer, a vendor, an employee, we take action. And, sometimes it’s best to simply let it rest.

What?? Isn’t that avoidance or procrastination or fear of confrontation or, or, or?

Sometimes action is needed, and sometimes nothing is needed.
Sometimes, that annoying email doesn’t require a response.
Sometimes, when a negotiation stalls the best tactic is to leave it be, or
If the other side has already done that, let it rest.
Sometimes, doing nothing is simply the best strategy.

Two quick stories from two CEO’s I know:

First, a long term negotiation on a contract has gone on for several years. As an outsider looking in, one might wonder, why not bring this to closure. And, then we learn, it’s been 20 years of negotiation, minimal dollars spent, many thousands at stake. Even if it eventually settles, the present value of the money saved alone justifies the long process.

Another CEO negotiating with a former operating partner, still an owner. Sure would be nice to close that loose end, icky to have a former partner still a voting member. And then we learn, the former partner is in bankruptcy; looks like the CEO is going to pick up those shares at a significantly lower cost.

As Kenny Rogers says so well in the Gambler… “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away.”

For me it’s a reminder to pause, before I pick up the phone or write that email on the matter I feel an urgency to resolve.

When Giving Feedback, Be Aware Of Your Executive Presence

March 13, 2016March 12, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Vistage speaker, Michael Allosso, visited both of my groups this week. His workshop, “You On Your Best Day“, is a wonderful experiential reminder of both what it means to have executive presence and when we have it, what it takes to use this presence effectively.

Executive presence, as defined by the Center for Talent Innovation, is a combination of the visuals; appearance, posture and dress; communication skills: words, body language, vocal tone; and gravitas or commands respect.

Once you have acquired this presence, Michael reminds us that without a dose of humility, confidence or presence alone often can create a perception of arrogance and can be intimidating. The result can be that feedback can be heard as criticism creating resistance rather than encouraging development and improvement.

So, what to do….

Back to Socrates from last week’s post: Socrates Was So Wise – begin with a question. Perhaps the first question may be, “Is this a good time to discuss X”?; “Are you open to feedback on another way to think about this?”

Check in with your history with this person. Have you given enough of what Michael calls TSP in the past to earn the right to give constructive feedback? (TSP – truthful, specific, positive feedback, with emphasis on the specific, so the person knows that you respect them and their work)

Check in with how your feedback is landing. Watch the other person’s body language. Is your feedback landing as intended? If not, perhaps it is time for another question, such as “I am noticing… what is going on for you in this conversation; what are you hearing?”

In short, while it is the listener’s responsibility to hear feedback and take it in Accepting Feedback, it is the speaker’s responsibility, especially when the speaker is in a power role, also to listen, notice and provide feedback in a manner in which it can be heard.

Socrates Was So Wise

March 6, 2016March 4, 2016 by Elisa Spain1 Comment

I have become convinced the Socratic Method is the secret to business success. In short, the answer is in the question. By asking better questions, we enable others to come to their own resolutions. Most of us in business are problem solvers, and often the answer to someone else’s problem or challenge seems obvious to us. Therefore, we rush in with advice, without stopping and asking questions. What I have learned, and continue to remind myself of daily, is that by asking more poignant questions, the resulting answer may not only be better, it may also be different than what we perceived as obvious before we asked. And most important, eureka only comes when a person discovers their own answer.

Following is a quote from one of my CEO members that, to me, captures the essence:

“I had a very interesting life lesson yesterday. Another member was leading and that was probably a little difficult for me to have someone else in charge. Once I accepted my role and decided to listen instead of work hard to offer my opinion, my perception of how I could add value changed drastically. I remember that Elisa said, ‘work to ask questions and not just offer suggestions’. I struggle with that as I always want to solve other people’s problems for them. It’s like counseling. The counselor never seems to tell you your problem; they just keep asking questions until you have the realization and state it yourself. That always bugged me. I now realize that until someone deeply understands their own problem, they will not take action nor will they truly support any action that they do take based on another’s understanding. I think I got more value out of the meeting than any other person in the room. That value was directly linked to not talking”.

We Are Bound By What We Know

February 21, 2016February 19, 2016 by Elisa Spain1 Comment

Ah, the wonder of a child. We hear all the time that all children are creative, all children are artists; and then something happens as adults and we self-select into those who are creative and artistic, and those who are not.

I wonder how much of this is because as adults we are bound by what we know. The more we bring our knowledge and experience to a given circumstance, the more likely we are to miss an opportunity to look with the fresh eyes of a child. On the other hand, knowledge often equals wisdom, the ability to learn from experience and therefore make better choices.

So, how do we know when we are bringing wisdom and when we are bringing limiting beliefs to a given situation? Perhaps these questions can help:

Is what I am about to do something I have done before and if so, is my previous experience relevant?
If it is something new, is my previous experience truly relevant, or is it holding me back?
Am I uncomfortable with taking on something new and therefore looking for knowledge that will justify my discomfort?
What if I suspended judgement and argued for a reason to say yes?
What if I suspended judgement and argued for a reason to say no?

Ah, The Power Of Retrospection

February 7, 2016February 3, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

As part of the big purge, I had a wonderful realization. Looking back, all that stuff that seemed so important, turns out… really isn’t. If only we, especially as leaders, could see this prospectively.

And, we can. Once again, it is a matter of pausing. Simply stopping and asking the following questions:

Does what I am about to do, need doing? I find this one is particularly important to ask about the stuff that seems urgent, which leads to the second question.
Does what I am about to do, need doing, right now? I find, I must make a case to myself why it’s not urgent or I will just do it. In short, life really is not an emergency.
If it really does need doing, am I the right person to do it? The question isn’t will I do it better, it’s what is the best use of my time. And, if I do delegate it, can I do it with a realistic, rather than a now deadline?

What Does All This Mean, What Will We Do, And How Will We Go About Doing It?

December 20, 2015 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

I’ve decided to end the year with a guest blog from my friend and fellow Vistage Chair, Larry Cassidy. We’ve been having a discussion amongst us Vistage Chairs about the recent tragedies, hate crimes and terrorism and the related impact some members have begun to see in their companies. For me, Larry’s commentary expressed the challenge we face as a nation and caused me to pause. With that in mind, I am making it visible here, offering you some food for thought as you begin the holiday season.

First, a couple of stories and then Larry’s post.

One Chair began this conversation by sharing these stories

One member reported an angry customer screaming in the lobby of her financial services company that the customer service rep he dealt with (second generation Pakistani American) should go back to her home country.

Another member reported, after I asked if he had seen any evidence of workplace intolerance, that he had four Muslim employees in his IT department and he overheard one of the non-IT employees refer to them as the ‘sleeper cell’. He didn’t know what to say or do. But now that I asked the question, he realizes he needs to discuss with his HR director how to find ways to insure there is not a hostile workplace environment.

Larry’s Post

My first newsletter was sent on June 27, 2011, some 230 newsletters ago. And for those 4½ years I have stepped carefully around politics. Today I will take edge up to that tricky topic, not so much traditional politics, but rather on who we are, and what price we 322-million folks are willing to pay to be that.

We have undergone many serious gut-shots in the past several years, Paris and San Bernardino being the latest. As I ponder these tragedies, and before releasing this newsletter into the wild, my thoughts go to three big ideas:

becoming the best version of ourselves,
the hard price we are (or are not) willing to pay to get and stay there,
our leadership as a part of all that.

There are many pieces to that, and we each have our own ideas. I will share mine below. You may disagree. But I do so because it is a conversation we cannot avoid, and all voices are required.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

The Statue of Liberty, dedicated 10/28/1886

Terrorism is a stark and frightening example of what others can do to us. Paris. San Bernardino. Too much, too often. And leadership is what we choose to do about it, and how we go about doing it.

Once again, we confront events with which we have not contended (remember: Pearl Harbor, the Cuban Missile Crisis, 9/11), and while such moments spawn anger and paranoia, they also summon our better angels. Which is one more good reason we would rather live here than anywhere else in the world, our flaws notwithstanding.

As I now savor almost-eight decades, I wonder if our fears might extinguish the Statue of Liberty’s torch, our shining beacon of freedom. And I question whether my opportunity to be born here, to live here, and to experience this thing called America, could have happened had such fear and paranoia won the early days of our history.

A bit dramatic? Go back a century-or-more, and we Irish were potato-heads, lazy scum. Italians were looked on as not much better. Jews? Forget it. African Americans, which was hardly what they were called? Slaves at best. Nor does that count Japanese-Americans or German-Americans in WWII. Pretty lucky for we shoddy Irish (and me) that we got past much of that.

Yes, we each have a right to feel, to fear, to embrace and to be safe. But before we pounce, look around. Soak it in. The ethnic, religious and nationalistic mess we behold is what has combined to make us great. It is our grand experiment, a palate on which each color and belief and ancestry is a part. It is us. So, what will it be ten, or fifty, or a hundred years from now?

Once again, we are in the process of deciding. In every business, classroom, sanctuary, gathering and discussion. And we are the leaders: the parents, coaches, elders, teachers, business executives. Make no mistake, we are deciding, we are leading and we are teaching.

So what will we do, and how will we go about doing it?
Which parts of what made this country great will we keep, and which will we discard?
Will we mirror or will we reject what those who threaten us espouse?
And once we decide, once we move on, will we have found our way to safety while continuing to lift our lamp beside the golden door?

This is a big deal. And we are all right in the middle of it.

Larry Cassidy

P.S. This is the last post this year, see you back here in January.

Are Your Expectations Too High Or Too Low?

December 13, 2015 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

How do you know?

Sometimes we set our sights too low and don’t achieve as much as we can.
Sometimes we expect too much from ourselves and constantly feel as though we don’t measure up.
Sometimes we expect too much from our team or our key vendors and they feel as though they can’t please us.
Sometimes we expect too little or don’t ask for what we really want from our employees or our vendors and we end up taking on too much ourselves instead.

How do we know which it is? For me the litmus test is this…

How often are our expectations of ourselves or others met?
What does our gut say about that percentage? Too high? Too low?
What then is the next step to get our expectations in line with what is possible?