What Exactly Is Vulnerability?

by Elisa Spain2 Comments

 

I have received several comments about last week’s blog, so I thought I would continue the dialogue.

Here are some of the questions:

  • Does vulnerability have to mean showing emotion?
  • It’s okay for a woman to have tears and talk about feelings, but still not okay for men?
  • What’s the difference between showing vulnerability and showing weakness?
  • How do we, as leaders, coach the leaders we work with on how to show up both confident and vulnerable?

Great questions. In fact, this was a discussion at my last Vistage CEO meeting and here are a few of the stories I heard from them and from others who responded to my blog. Please share yours.

“I was a relatively new leader of a high growth business. We missed our numbers one year, and up in the front of the room, I teared up when I shared the news to my team. I definitely felt shame.. and the team rallied, each leader coming up to me to commit to what they would do to make sure it didn’t happen again.”

“Having entered the two most emotionless organizations -West Point at age 18 and Marines at age 22-, in some way hardened me to emotional outward signs, and especially as a small unit infantry combat commander in Vietnam; we had to suppress and not show any emotions despite what we may have felt internally. The problem being that to show emotions to the 18-19 year old young Marines that we led wasn’t viewed as something commanders did and we worried that emotions might enter into the brutal things we had to do in the infantry…. In our generation it wasn’t considered ‘Marine like’ to show emotion—which of course led many of us to suppress PTSD feelings.”

“I have been working on culture in my company. Frustrated with the lack of progress, I stood up in front of the entire leadership team, all levels, and told my personal story, my values, my expectations of myself as a leader. Wow, what an impact it had; people began to ‘get it’. And yet, I discovered that my two senior leaders, both women, struggled with this. They said they work hard to be “professional” and to them showing or talking about feelings was weak and unprofessional.”

For all leaders, it is important to have followers trust our message. As such, there is a fine line between appearing vulnerable, yet confident, and appearing weak.  These stories speak to different ways to address this challenge.

For me it’s something like this,

 

Vulnerable is I am human, I make mistakes, I admit them, I learn from them and I move on
Weak is I am uncertain, I don’t trust myself, I don’t know what to do.

 

Problem Solving Or Management?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Continuing the theme of execution:

As leaders and managers, we have been taught to find the root cause and fix the problem.  And, in my experience, some problems can’t be “solved” (and, hopefully, made to go away) – they must be managed and may require the leader’s repetitive attention and time.

For me the key word here is repetition. For anything to be sustainable, it must be repeated. We humans get distracted, forget what we learned and have to be reminded. This is what Vistage is all about. Our members hear from a speaker 8 times a year. Do you really think each speaker brings something new to the table? Rather, they often are reinforcing a similar message. And, we hear the message differently depending on where we are in our lives and our businesses at the time. An entrepreneur leading a start-up will hear a leadership message differently 10 years later when he or she is challenged with building a leadership team that will lead to a sustainable enterprise.

I asked one of our long term Vistage members recently if he had ever considered leaving Vistage. His answer was “never, I learn something at every meeting, every one-to-one.” He leads a highly successful, high growth business. My belief is he learns something new each time, because he comes ready to listen each time.

The same is true for the people that work for us. Some problems can’t be solved, because things happen. Life isn’t static and our businesses and our processes aren’t static. I frequently talk about the DIME Method: Design, Implement, Monitor, Evaluate. For me the repetition speaks to the Monitor and Evaluate part of the continuum. As problems get solved and things change, we must monitor, evaluate and then design again.

As you mull over this idea that problems can’t be solved, I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:

  • When was the last time I monitored or evaluated the systems I have in place?
  • Are we doing things, “because that’s the way we have always done it”?
  • Am I ready to look and listen with fresh eyes to what I have heard and seen before?

 

Elisa K. Spain

 

 

The War For Talent (Or Is It A War ON Talent?)

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Two important statistics begin this discussion…

  • Starting in 2016, more people will be leaving the workforce than entering it
  • By 2020, 46% of all U.S. workers are predicted to be Gen Y

Thus the foundation for the war for talent, or what my friends at large companies are calling, ‘the war on talent’, as in competitors targeting and soliciting our top talent.

Not since World War II, when soldiers were leaving the workforce to fight, have we experienced a shrinking workforce. Moreover, with millennials soon representing 46% of the talent, this war for talent must be fought strategically, with different methods and different incentives than before.

Continuing the theme of execution as the driver of success and hiring the right people being a key part of execution, successful leaders are taking a two-pronged approach, focused on retention of older workers AND attraction, retention and incentives for younger workers.

In short, the war for talent is a competitive war with the same goal as winning business, i.e. getting your unfair share of the market.

We have begun conversations in all my Vistage groups on this topic. Here are some creative actions I am hearing; please share yours.

  • Apprenticeship – once reserved for the trades, today Vistage members are starting to create positions for apprentices to learn the expertise of seasoned executives before they retire.
  • Project Time – Google began this practice as part of their innovation culture; other companies are adopting a variation to give millennials the opportunity to make an impact early in their careers.
  • Social Impact  – Gone are the days when matching contributions are enough; companies who make a social impact attract Gen Y workers.
  • Long Term Incentives – As young executives start families, companies that offer “golden handcuffs”  retain their executives through the business cycles. While common in the large corporate world, these incentives are beginning to show up in middle market companies. Offerings include deferred compensation, stock options and stock grants.

 

Elisa K. Spain

Vision Is Not Enough…

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Successful leaders have both vision and execution.

Lots of people have great ideas, and in my experience, it’s execution that creates success.  Why ‘Big Picture Only’ Leaders Fail.

And, what exactly defines execution? Last week, I began a conversation about one of the key components of execution – Capacity: Is It Capacity Or Is It Making Choices?

Continuing that theme, equally important to execution is Focus.

Successful leaders know they must set a vision – so there is a destination that their team can rally around. Once the vision is defined, they work with their team to set a business strategy to achieve the vision and then, they and their teams….

Focus, Focus, Focus on what needs to happen to get from here to there.

Successful leaders are able to tune out distractions and focus on moving forward. They have the ability to differentiate between a distraction and important new information and act accordingly. They know what needs to get done, how to do it and, they have the ability to inspire their teams to stay focused and avoid fatigue when things don’t move at the pace they want.

More on execution in coming weeks.

Elisa K. Spain

 

Is It Capacity Or Is It Making Choices?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Working with CEOs over the last dozen or so years, I observed several common traits in those who successfully grow their businesses. I have written in the past about the importance of having a vision, having the right people, and having strong execution. Another more subtle characteristic shared by successful leaders… They seem to have an incredible “capacity”.

Webster defines capacity as…

  • the potential or suitability for holding, storing, or accommodating 
  • an individual’s mental or physical ability
  • the faculty or potential for treating, experiencing, or appreciating
  • the facility or power to produce, perform, or deploy:  maximum output

It’s this facility for maximum output that I am referring to. The ability to take on more, to handle more stress, to be present regardless of outside circumstances, to simply do more. It’s more than ability, it’s well, capacity.

And, here’s what I observe… while it appears that these leaders can simply handle more and do more than others, it is also their ability to choose. To make a choice and accept that when they choose, they may disappoint someone. And, they allow themselves to be okay with that.

Elisa K. Spain

Consensus Gives You Beige

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

When a leader asks for input and then makes a decision, the result is vivid color, i.e. a better decision. It is a better decision for lots of reasons.

First and foremost, your team feels valued when they are asked to participate in the decision process.

Second, there is value in the wisdom of crowds; many times the group will surface ideas that the leader hasn’t thought about. As a Vistage Chair and leadership coach, I see this happen each month during the executive sessions I lead with CEOs and Key Executives. This, of course, is why nearly 20,000 people around the world are members of Vistage – because we know the value of seeking input from others.

Where it all goes awry, is when we seek consensus either from our team or from our Vistage group (or our family, friends, etc). With consensus all the colors get mixed together, resulting in a dull beige, i.e. a mediocre, watered down decision.

Sometimes this may be okay, when the goal is more about participation that it is about making decisions. The key is being mindful of your goal.

So, the next time you are asking for input, ask yourself, “is it vivid color I want or is beige okay?” And, if it is color you want, don’t settle for beige. Make the final decision yourself.

Elisa K. Spain

 

 

Oops, I Wish I Hadn't Said That, I Wish I Had Done This….

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Back in elementary school, when playing sports, we often were allowed a ‘do-over’. As we got older, coaches and teachers stopped allowing this. The ball had to be played where it was. I suspect the reason for this was to “prepare us for life”. And, so we learned, no ‘do-overs’, if I screwed up or forgot to do something, too late, can’t fix it.

  • While, there must be rules in games (no way to score if there are not), does everything in life have to play by these same rules?
  • What if when we said something we wished we hadn’t, we simply went back to the person and said, “I am sorry, I wish I hadn’t said that, what I wanted to say is this…”
  • What if we wanted to do this, we went back and simply did it?

In short, what if we started with the premise that nothing in life is irreparable or irretrievable, except death. While certainly words matter, see my blog of this same name (Words Matter), actions speak loudly and ‘do-overs’ are a great way to take action and demonstrate intent. Another way to think about it… it’s not what you do, it’s what you do next.

Elisa K. Spain

 

 

Who Gets To Decide?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Just about every leadership book and every leadership speaker talks about the importance of allowing people to fail. The concept is: true delegation does not occur unless and until I allow people to make their own decisions, take their own risks and succeed or fail on their own.

Easy to say, hard to do, on so many levels. Some of the common questions are:

  • How much risk should I allow them to take?
  • What if I am certain they are making the wrong decision; a decision that is going to cost me money, put the company at risk, put the person at risk, etc. How can I simply look away and allow the failure to occur?
  • How many failures are okay?

Lately, I have come to realize this question, who gets to decide, applies in our business life and in our personal lives. It applies to our children and to our aging parents. Just recently this realization was brought home to me with the following stories.

The teenage son of a friend is more focused on sports than on his homework, a familiar story. Mom says, “we have to make him do his homework”. Thus ensures a fight between mom and son. Dad says, “let him suffer the consequences if he chooses not to do his homework”. Who gets to decide? Who is “right”?

The 89 year old father of a friend has cancer. His actions indicate he is confused about what he wants. He says he is willing to get treatment, but he misses his appointments. He lives alone and refuses a live-in caregiver, or even a visiting caregiver. Prior to the diagnosis, he was cognitively in fine shape. Son says, “we have to make him go for his treatments”.  Daughter says, “if he wants to be alone, doesn’t attend his appointments, doesn’t return the doctor’s phone calls, it’s his decision to make, not ours”.

Back to the three questions above…

  • How much risk should I allow them to take?
  • What if I am certain they are making the wrong decision, a decision that is going to cost me money. How can I simply look away and allow the failure to occur?
  • How many failures are okay?

Which choice is the more courageous one? Who gets to decide?

Elisa K. Spain

Is It Good Enough?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

How often do we notice something, point it out and then regret it later; wishing we had kept quiet? 

How often do we wait for more information, or better information, and miss an opportunity?

There is both a time factor and a human factor to achieving results. We often wait too long, strive for that final 5%, hoping to have perfect info upon which to base our decision.  

Or, instead of building up the confidence of the person doing the job, we ask for one more change, one more fix and lose sight of appreciating what has already been accomplished.

In our quest for excellence, sometimes we forget that perfection and excellence are not the same. Excellence sometimes is simply knowing what to accept as good enough and what to overlook.

Here’s an idea…

Today, instead of looking around your office, your plant, or your long to-do list and noticing what is missing:

  • What if instead, you noticed a critical item that is working and gave someone specific, positive feedback?
  • And, decided to overlook something less important, that may not be exactly what you wanted, but is really good enough?

 

 

Elisa K. Spain

 

Are You Favoring The Heroic Over The Prudent?

by Elisa Spain1 Comment

 

We worship winners – especially those who demonstrate leadership, confront a crisis and prevail. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as the hero did not create the crisis in the first place.

But what about those who keep crises from erupting at all?

Who are the UNSUNG heroes working for you (and helping you avoid the ditch)?

Who are the wise that simply do the right thing, rather than the bold thing?

Are you only recognizing the “heroes” in your company, and ignoring those who help you avoid the storms altogether?

 

Elisa K. Spain