The Dark Side of Habit

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Last month, I wrote about the power of habit.  I recently had two experiences with people I know well that reminded me there is also a dark side to habit.

The closer the relationship, the more we think we “know” a person, the more we form habits or patterns in those relationships. If they do X, we respond with Y. If they say Z, we respond with A and so on.

Sometimes it isn’t even the person in front of us that triggers habitual behavior, but someone else, a former boss perhaps with whom we had a great relationship; and we pattern our behavior with our new boss based on that experience and wonder why it isn’t going as well.

Habits are shortcuts. As I shared last month, activity habits can serve us by making us both more efficient and more effective in our daily lives. Response habits on the other hand, can inadvertently damage our relationships.

A couple of weeks ago, I had two experiences that reminded me of some of my response habits and how often I use them.

The first was with a client who was in the midst of a big decision. He is the sort of person who likes to “think out loud”.  I know this about him, and what I forgot was when he says “I want to run this by you”, what that means, I want to think out loud.

Instead, in my zeal to be helpful, I forgot what I knew. And, started asking questions and offering my perspective. After all, what he said was “I want to run this by you”. When he reminded me for the third time that “he had already considered that”, I finally got it and went back to listening. And, responded based on who is in front of me. What a wonderful reminder, yet again, to pause.

The second experience was with my husband. We both love to cook and over the course of nearly 27 years, we have slipped into a pattern. He is the chef, I am the sous chef. This works. And, every now and then, I am the chef and he is the sous chef. This doesn’t work so well. The reason is our response patterns are based on the first scenario, i.e. he leads, I follow. Here’s what usually happens. I start prepping, he comes over to look at what I am doing, I feel “supervised”, I don’t like being “supervised”, so I get huffy and what started as a fun couples activity, ends up, not so fun.

After the situation with my friend, and the blow up about cooking the next day, I tried something different the next time we cooked. When my husband asked me to do something I thought was obvious, and I was already planning to, instead of saying “do you really think I wasn’t going to do that?”, I simply said “okay”. The result, we had fun cooking together. I tried it again the next time we cooked, this time working together on the same dish which historically has been a danger zone. It worked again, we were laughing and having fun. Not easy to break those response habits, and the positive reinforcement certainly is reminding me to keep trying.

Perhaps next time a friend or a family member, or an employee, starts to behave in an expected manner, what if instead of responding with habit, we looked with fresh eyes, and asked questions, just as we would do with someone we don’t know at all and for whom we have no expectations?

On November 14, my Vistage CEO group is hosting one of our semi-annual guest days. If you or someone you know would like to learn more about Vistage, this is a low-key way to meet our members and hear a great speaker, Andrea Simon, who asks “Who will be your customers in three years?” Please contact me directly for an invite: Elisa K Spain.

For more about the members of the group click here

For more about the speaker on November 14, click here

You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.

Radical Transparency

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

In publicly held companies, company performance and executive compensation is, just that, public. All shareholders receive both an annual report and a proxy statement and this information is contained within these documents. Additionally, it is a simple matter for a non-shareholder to obtain this information, sometimes with a simple web search, or at least with an inquiry to the company.

Yet in many, perhaps, most, privately held companies, this information is closely guarded and not shared.

Why not? Lots of reasons.

The reasons differ depending on the stakeholder we are discussing. Focusing on employee stakeholders, some of the responses I typically hear are:

  • Why do they need to know?
  • They won’t understand the financials.
  • There will be resentment if they know what the owner(s) are paid.
  • There will be resentment if they know what their colleagues make.

What if instead, you considered radical transparency? What if:

  • you educate your employees so they understand the balance sheet and the income statement?
  • employees learn the investments the owner has made and the risks she has taken, and continues to take, to finance the business?
  • employees understand the expenses the company must incur to operate the business, beyond the COGS?
  • employees begin to understand the relationship between labor utilization/efficiency and profitability?
  • compensation was based on a combination of market data and performance so that employees understand why they are paid, what they are paid?

Transparency without the accompanying education will not work. Thus, radical transparency requires an investment. The good news is, it’s an investment of time, not dollars.

As the war for talent continues, with no apparent end in sight, is radical transparency an investment that may lead to employee loyalty and therefore increased retention?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Time to Make the Donuts

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Dunkin’ Donuts ran this ad back in the 70’s and even those born since then, resonate with the concept “time to make the donuts”, as in, get up, get ready, get to work, do the work, go home, start again tomorrow.

Whether working in the factory or working as an executive, it’s easy to fall into the habit of doing, problem solving, doing some more, and then starting again. The good part of this is, we get sh*t done. The challenge is, we sometimes lose sight of the why, i.e. our purpose.

Whether it’s our personal why or our company why that drives us, before we crash into ourselves coming and going, as in the last frame of the ad, perhaps it’s time to stop and ask “why did I choose to start this donut making business, or work for this particular donut making business and why are we making these particular donuts”?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

The Life Changing Value of Choosing

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Working with CEOs over the last dozen or so years, I observed several common traits in those who successfully grow their businesses. I have written in the past about the importance of having a vision, having the right people, and having strong execution. Another more subtle characteristic shared by successful leaders… They seem to have an incredible “capacity”.

Webster defines capacity as…

  • the potential or suitability for holding, storing, or accommodating 
  • an individual’s mental or physical ability
  • the faculty or potential for treating, experiencing, or appreciating
  • the facility or power to produce, perform, or deploy:  maximum output

It’s this facility for maximum output that I am referring to. The ability to take on more, to handle more stress, to be present regardless of outside circumstances, to simply do more. It’s more than ability, it’s well, capacity.

And, here’s what I observe… while these leaders may very well be able to handle more and do more than others, it is also their ability to choose. To make a choice, to say no more often than they say yes; and most importantly, they accept that when they choose, they may disappoint someone. And, they allow themselves to be okay with that.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

The Gift of Feedback

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Feedback is a gift. It is an opportunity for personal development and ultimately leadership development. And, it is hard; Very hard.

Not sure which is harder, giving feedback or accepting it. Recently I was with a small group of Vistage Chairs, several of us long tenured, and we were discussing this very topic. In fact, we spent a couple of hours working with each other to improve our skills at both. I mention long tenured, as a reminder to myself, that no matter how skilled we think we are at this, it is hard, and requires constant practice.

Here are the reminders I heard…

When giving feedback:

  • You can earn trust with truthful, specific, positive feedback (TSP as speaker, Michael Allosso, calls it)
  • When giving constructive feedback, ask first if the receiver is open to feedback
  • Even better, wait until the feedback is asked for
  • Own your experience, share feelings and observations; be specific
  • Use neutral language e.g., my experience of you… or When you do…, I feel…
  • Remember the purpose of feedback is to share your experience of another person, not to “fix” the other person

When receiving feedback, remember it is a gift

  • Ask for feedback, and be specific about the purpose, e.g., I want to become more effective at…
  • Listen and digest
  • Try not to defend or respond except to simply say, thank you.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

 

The Quality of Bending Easily Without Breaking

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

When I began this blog about flexibility, I googled the definition and the first definition that came up was this: the quality of bending easily without breaking. 

Which begs the question, how can we as managers find a way to bend our expectations to accommodate different styles of work, without breaking our culture?

It’s become a new trend for CEOs to require folks, who previously worked at home, to come to the office. The reason given is culture.

But, what about the high performing employee who prefers to work on their own schedule, at least for a few days a week? What are the consequences to this person’s performance when they must adhere to this new structure?

The thing I am reminded of each day is despite our common humanity, our styles vary. Some of us like structure, others feel more comfortable with variety. While the need for flexibility is attributed as a common trait amongst millennials, my experience, as with most of our differences, is that personality style is the driver. For example, introverts prefer a quiet work environment, extroverts want people around them and want to engage throughout the day.

Which brings me back to the question, what do each of us need to do to bend our expectations and structure to accommodate different styles without breaking our culture? Perhaps if you ask, your team may have the answer.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

 

Which Kind of Leadership?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed
  1. Some situations require a general to inspire us to “take the hill”.
  2. Some situations require someone from the group to lead, an informal leader.
  3. Some situations simply require wisdom; the wisdom of Socrates, to simply ask the right question.

So easy to default to Option 1 and assume all situations require this. After all, so much of what we have learned about leadership comes from command and control training. Historically we idealized and idolized military leaders. While much can be learned from these great leaders of history, the world today is more nuanced.

And with that nuance, comes the opportunity to choose Option 2 and/or Option 3. Each move progressively toward the true meaning of empowerment, depending on the situation.

Our challenge is to read the situation and decide.

 

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

January Reflections Part I – A Temporal Moment

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I just finished reading Dan Pink’s latest book, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing, which likely explains why I am focused on the meaning of January.  January 1, no surprise, is a temporal moment and Dan’s research supports this. We make resolutions on January 1, and for those of us who belong to a gym, we witness the end of those resolutions, sometime around Valentine’s Day.

Yet, for those amongst us who focus on both what and when, according to Dan, we are more likely to turn a “resolution” into a commitment.  I love the simple story Dan shares about Jerry Seinfeld’s writing habit. Jerry writes daily, he doesn’t judge the daily writing he just does it.  Jerry prints out the calendar for the entire year and each day, he puts a big X on the day to mark off the writing. And, after a time, he has so many X’s he is committed. Research says, 21 days is what it takes to create a habit. Jerry say’s it looking at all those X’s, the chain it creates, that inspires him.

Dan also tells us that midpoints matter. Today is about midway from resolution beginning to likely ending, close enough, to ask yourself these questions:

  • What did you promise yourself you would do for yourself this year?
  • Is this promise still top of mind?
  • If not, is it something you still want?
  • If these promises matter to you, what actions are you willing take to turn them from resolutions to habits that extend beyond Valentine’s Day?
  • What is your equivalent of Jerry’s writing habit that you are willing to monitor with a calendar of “X’s”?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Year-End, A Time To Pause and Self-Affirm

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For many of us, the end of the year is a time for self-reflection. We think about what we accomplished, and what we did not. And amongst the leaders I know, the tendency is to focus on what we missed, what can be better, what’s next? The notion that we can constantly make ourselves and our companies better, in theory, is a great idea. But when does it become too much?

For me, the best way to answer this question is to notice our strengths, the strengths of our teams and of our companies and then work to enhance them. In my Vistage work and as a leadership coach and advisor, I refer to this as discovering and working in our genius.

According to Alina Tugend, author of this New York Times article Pursuing Self-Improvement, at the Risk of Self-Acceptance, it was Dale Carnegie who ushered in the era of introspection and self-improvement.

She asserts that we have become so focused on achieving that we are never able to appreciate who we are or what we’ve already accomplished: “[W]hen we’re constantly reaching rather than occasionally being satisfied with what we have in front of us, that’s a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction.”

For me, the best way to avoid the “better, better, better” trap is to ask the following questions about ourselves, our teams and our companies:

  • What am I (we, they) already good at? What do I (we, they) need to do to become excellent at this?
  • Of the things I (we, they) are not good at and are striving to be better at, what can I (we, they) delegate to someone else?
  • Can I (we, they) find a way to accept being adequate or “good enough” at the rest?

Once we know and understand what we are good at, and focus on that, we not only become more effective, we become more satisfied and ultimately become better leaders of better companies.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

When Is It the CEO’s Job to Create Drama?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

One of our Vistage speakers, Don Schmincke, is well known for “Discovering The Leader’s Code: Ancient Secrets For Executive Performance.”

The primary message Don drives home is the importance of having a positive Leadership Saga – because, in the absence of drama created by the leader, your team will create their own.

Supporting Don’s message, an article several years ago in Science titled Inside the Mind of a Motivated Employee describes the efforts of two sociologists at the University of Vermont who tried to better understand the rise and fall of people’s spirits. They studied the moods of 2.4 million people by analyzing the words they used in over 500 million tweets originating in 84 English-speaking countries over two years (February 2008 through January 2010).

What they found was a daily cycle of positive and negative feelings that seemed to apply consistently across cultures, geographies, and time zones. Around the world, people’s positive moods peaked in the morning (6-9 a.m.), dropped through the day until reaching a trough by mid/late-afternoon, began to pick up in late afternoon, and peaked again in the evening.

Both Don’s research and that of Science Magazine raise the following questions:

  • What are we doing every day, to maximize how we spend our time during the positive time of our day? (Are you reading email first thing when instead you might be working on innovation?)
  • What are we doing each day to create the kind of drama that reinforces the vision we have for our business and inspires our team to do great work?
  • What results are we likely to achieve by taking action and changing what we do each day?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain