People Are Over Skinny Jeans

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I recently bought a pair of the new lightweight wide-leg jeans. When I checked out, I commented to the salesman how comfortable the jeans were and said, “I sure hope they are in style for a while.” He responded, “I think they will be in style for a long time; people are over skinny jeans and heels.”

I’ve been thinking about his comment ever since. For me, it’s a metaphor for the changes people have been choosing since the pandemic. And, his comment is a reminder that it’s not changing back. 

I hear a lot of talk about how, before the pandemic, the baby boomer perspective was the norm; we adapted our personal lives to our business lives. Post-pandemic, Gen Zers have made it clear that work must adapt to their personal lives. 

While on the one hand, some leaders of large companies are pushing for things to go back to the way they were before, at the same time, I am hearing from Boomer and Gen X clients who say they want the same thing the Zers want. 

Part of my You Pivot™ Program includes a section on defining What Matters. These days clients clearly state that What Matters includes prioritizing family, spiritual, and other activities that make for a full life. More than ever before, I am hearing, “Whatever professional endeavor I do next, I want more than the 80-90% work focus I had before.”

Time will tell how this unfolds, but my salesman may be right: most people are over skinny jeans. 

Cost or Benefit?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Recently, I was in conversation with a few fellow coaches, and one of the members asked, “Describe a time that you took a stand and it cost you?”

Out of the six of us in the conversation, all but one shared a story that cost them their job. Wow!

And before that, I read a blog from another friend who asked the opposite question: “Have you ever done your very best to blend and morph to meet the mentalities in a room instead of showing up as 1000% yourself? 

So, which choice is a cost and which is a benefit? 

I have learned over the years that when “we” are responsible, rather than “I” am responsible, we all get a better outcome. 

And the fantastic days are when team members are engaged and authentic in creating the best day. And the ‘not so good days’ are when something is going awry, and no one says anything. 

Yet, there is no guarantee that the result of being fully engaged and authentic will result in a fantastic day or result in taking a stand that costs you. 

So instead, many of us (perhaps most?) choose silence. Does this come from a place of respect for the leader? After all, it is “their meeting”; it’s up to them to “fix it.” And when there is a series of “it’s up to him or her or them to fix it,” we can quickly go from a ‘not so good meeting,’ to a ‘not so good day’ or week and ultimately a ‘not so good outcome’ for the business.

All of us can be both leaders and followers in our daily lives. And sometimes, we need to step up and take a leadership role in the moment, even when we are not the official leader. The next time you are in one of these moments, here are a few questions to consider as you perform a cost/benefit analysis of the situation:

  1. If something is amiss in a meeting or a moment, and I stay silent, what is the potential cost to me, the group, or the business?
  2. If something is amiss and I speak up, what is the potential cost to me, the group, or the business? 
  3. In a fair and bold cost/benefit analysis, what is the best and bravest choice for me to make?

Labor Day’s Legacy

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

The first nationally recognized Labor Day celebration was in 1894. The AFL claimed this day with a street parade sending a message of “the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations.”

According to the BLS, union membership in the U.S. peaked in 1954 at almost 35%. By 1983, the share of U.S. workers who belonged to a union had fallen to 20.1%, and by 2022, membership had dropped to 10.1% of U.S. workers, declining from 10.3% in 2021. And 33% of union members are public employees.

Yet, nearly every day, we read about another vote for unionization by workers in well-known service companies.

Is the press giving us an unbalanced view, or is there a trend yet to emerge in the data?

Economists and human resource professionals tell us it’s the latter. Economists say prices are increasing faster than wages, and people are organizing because they can’t keep up. People often feel that being part of something gives them agency. Human resource professionals say that a lack of effective two-way communication leads to a lack of trust, leading to organizing.

Regardless of whether unionization is a trend, Labor Day is still with us. We celebrate it as the mark of the end of summer and the beginning of autumn. As with all transitions, it’s a time for reflection. In this case, it is an opportunity to reflect on how we show up.

  • As a leader, what can I do tomorrow to learn what drives each person on my team and create an environment where each person can pursue their passion while contributing to the team’s success?
  • As a follower, what can I do tomorrow to add additional value to the success of our company while being true to what matters to me?

What Is the Leadership Message in All Quiet on the Western Front?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Last night my husband and I watched All Quiet on the Western Front. It was my idea to watch it because it has already won several awards and was nominated for several Oscars, including best picture. Right from the start, I wanted to turn it off and yet felt compelled to continue. 

This movie was graphic and harrowing; I think it felt real because of this. For two and a half hours, it was as if we were on the front lines, experiencing the horror while somehow safely tucked away from harm.

The book was required reading for most high school students of my generation. Upon reflection, I wonder why? Was it an attempt to prepare young men called to fight in Vietnam? Was it a silent protest on the part of educators? I don’t know, and I couldn’t find an explanation in my research. 

It’s a story of humanity and the loss of humanity while at the same time a story of leadership. Not the traditional message that military leaders are the best leadership examples and should therefore be role models. Instead, it portrays all types of leaders, fallible humans, capable leaders, and those that are completely incompetent. Most importantly, the writers showed us the human cost of hubris. 

I always remembered the book, especially the scene when the protagonist is in the trench with a French soldier. The movie brought home the message of humanity even more.

Sadly, as the horrors of war continue today in Ukraine and elsewhere, the following quote from Einstein reminds us how far we have not come.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts, and his feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

Perhaps the message the author and the screenwriters are sending is:

It is time for those of us who have the responsibility and the honor to lead to also take on the responsibility to practice humanity.

How Is This Labor Day Different?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

The first nationally recognized Labor Day celebration was in 1894. The AFL claimed this day with a street parade sending a message of “the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations.”

Yet, before the pandemic and what we perceive as the consequent labor shortages, except in specific industries like construction, unions had declined. Today unionization is growing in companies like Apple, with a reputation for being employee-centric. 

While unions certainly have always had their place, especially in the safety arena, I wonder what else is driving the change we see today?

Economists say inflation is the cause; prices are going up faster than wages, and people are organizing because they can’t keep up. People often feel that being part of something gives them agency. Human resource professionals say that a lack of effective two-way communication leads to a lack of trust, leading to organizing.

Whatever the reasons for the change, as we celebrate this first post-pandemic (yes, I know it’s still with us) Labor Day, that marks the end of summer and the beginning of autumn, might we also view it as a beginning for how we show up at work and ask ourselves:

  • As a leader, what can I do tomorrow to learn what drives each person on my team and create an environment where each person can pursue their individual passion while contributing to the success of the team?
  • As a follower, what can I do tomorrow to add additional value to the success of our company while being true to what matters to me?

The Elephant In the Room

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

The other day, I asked for feedback from a team I was working with about the program’s value. One of the members came up to me afterward and said, “please don’t take this personally,” and gave me some additional feedback. My response was,” the elephant is in the room whether we talk about him or not. For me, I would prefer to know what you are thinking and feeling so that I can modify the program to give you results that meet your needs.”

Yes, the elephant is in the room whether we talk about him or not. There he is, clomping around, banging into things.

And yet, we often refuse to talk about him. Why is that? Here are the reasons I hear:

  • I don’t want confrontation
  • I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings
  • We can’t do anything about it anyway

My experience is that our reluctance to confront causes the elephant to cause more damage than if we just talked about him and got him out of the room.

It is our role as leaders to invite and initiate the conversation. With the elephant out of the room, we can get on to business. As long as he is there, we are focused internally instead of externally.

Labor Day in a Pandemic – Year 2

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

When the first nationally recognized Labor Day was celebrated in 1894, the day consisted of a street parade sending up a message of “the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations” (in the words of the AFL). 

We have come a long way since then. Today, especially in this war for talent, most employers focus on offering opportunities and benefits to attract and retain talent.

Yet, the disruption from the pandemic continues. Help wanted signs everywhere, a labor shortage stretching from unskilled workers to high-level professionals and executives. 

Pundits of all types are offering commentary on this topic. Some say it’s a permanent shift only to be resolved by wage and price inflation. Others say we have a move away from work and that automation will resolve the issue.  

The Economist recently published a report entitled Will the Rich World’s Worker Deficit Last?  The authors estimate the current employment deficit to be 3% below the pre-pandemic level. While acknowledging demand shortages, their research shows that supply shortages are more significant. They describe three causes of the reduced supply: disruption owing to the spread of covid-19, primarily as a result of disruption to migration; the impact of welfare policy and pensions, recent research by Goldman Sachs, finds that “excess retirees” account for about a quarter of the decline in the country’s participation rate; and finally “changes to longer-term attitudes” wrought by the pandemic. 

They conclude by saying that “it seems that the extent to which the worker deficit endures will depend in part on how long the disruption and the fear caused by the pandemic last. Rising wages might lure some of those who left the workforce back into jobs. But the longer the pandemic goes on, the harder it becomes for those who left to return, and the more likely it is that new habits stick.”

Time will tell. And, as always, within every challenge lies opportunity.  

In the United States, we live in a world full of innovators. I am looking forward to seeing the solutions entrepreneurs come up with to address this latest labor challenge.

 

Better, Better, Maybe Not?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

The notion that we can constantly make ourselves and our companies better, in theory, is a great idea. But when does it become too much?

For me, the best way to answer this question is to notice our strengths and work to enhance them. As an executive life coach, I refer to this as discovering and working in our genius.

Sometimes we become so focused on achieving that we cannot appreciate who we are or what we have already accomplished. When we are constantly reaching, it’s a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction. 

What? Wasn’t I just quoting Florence Nightingale a few weeks ago, who said discontent leads to innovation? Yup. It is indeed a delicate balance, isn’t it?

For me, the subtle difference between striving to make the world a better place and pausing to celebrate accomplishment comes with self-awareness. The stoics said it well. We must be careful not to become reactionary or to accept, without question, the status quo. We must know ourselves, know our geniuses, and recognize where and when we can make a difference and where and when we cannot.  

Once we understand and act within our genius consistently, we become more effective, more satisfied, and ultimately better leaders. 

What Is Vulnerability?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I find that the topic of vulnerability comes up frequently in discussions amongst leaders with varying descriptions of what it means to “show vulnerability.”

Here are some questions to expand the dialogue:

  • Does vulnerability have to mean showing emotion?
  • It’s OK for a woman to have tears and talk about feelings, but still not OK for men?
  • What’s the difference between showing vulnerability and showing weakness?
  • How do we, as leaders, coach the leaders we work with on how to show up both confident and vulnerable?

And here are some stories from leaders I’ve worked with:

“I was a relatively new leader of a high growth business. We missed our numbers one year, and up in the front of the room, I teared up when I shared the news with my team. I felt shame that I didn’t control my emotions. Yet, the team rallied, each leader coming up to me to commit to what they would do to make sure it didn’t happen again.”

“First at age 18, and then at age 22, I entered the two most emotionless organizations there are, West Point at age 18 and Marines at age 22. In some way, these experiences hardened me to outward emotional signs. Then as a small unit infantry combat commander in Vietnam, we had to suppress and not show any emotions despite what we may have felt inside. To show emotions to the 18 & 19-year-old Marines that we led wasn’t viewed as something commanders did, and we worried that emotions might enter into the brutal things we had to do in the infantry. In our generation, it wasn’t considered ‘Marine like’ to show emotion—which of course led many of us to suppress PTSD feelings.”

“I have been working on culture in my company. Frustrated with the lack of progress, I stood up in front of the entire leadership team, all levels, and told my personal story, my values, my expectations of myself as a leader. Wow, what an impact it had; people began to ‘get it.’ And yet, I discovered that my two senior leaders, both women, struggled with this. They said they work hard to be “professional,” and to them showing or talking about feelings was weak and unprofessional.”

For all leaders, it is important to have followers trust our message. As such, there is a fine line between appearing vulnerable yet confident and appearing weak. These stories speak to different ways to address this challenge.

For me, it’s something like this,

  • Vulnerable is I am human. I make mistakes, admit them, learn from them, and move on.
  • Weak is I am uncertain. I don’t trust myself, I don’t know what to do.

 

The Gift of Feedback

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Feedback is a gift. It is an opportunity for personal development and, ultimately, leadership development. And, it is hard; Very hard.

I am not sure which is harder, giving feedback or accepting it. Recently I was with a small group of fellow coaches, several of us long-tenured, and we were discussing this very topic. We spent a couple of hours working with each other to improve our skills at both. I mention long-tenured, as a reminder to myself, that no matter how skilled we think we are at this, it is hard, and requires constant practice. Following are the reminders I heard.

When giving feedback:

  • Start from a place of care, ask yourself what outcome you want to achieve from the feedback, and get clear that you really believe that outcome is possible, i.e., is the person capable of the behavior change you want to see?
  • You can earn trust with truthful, specific, positive feedback (TSP as speaker, Michael Allosso, calls it).
  • When giving constructive feedback, ask first if the receiver is open to feedback.
  • Even better, wait until the feedback is asked for.
  • Own your experience, share feelings and observations; be specific.
  • Use neutral language, e.g., my experience of you… or When you do…, I feel…
  • Remember, the purpose of feedback is to share your experience of another person, not to “fix” the other person.

When receiving feedback, remember it is a gift:

  • Ask for feedback, and be specific about the purpose, e.g., I want to become more effective at…
  • Listen and digest.
  • Try not to defend or respond, simply say, thank you.

Let’s work together. If you are looking to grow or get unstuck and cut the time to action to six months or less, there is no better time than now to contact me. 

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