People Are Over Skinny Jeans

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I recently bought a pair of the new lightweight wide-leg jeans. When I checked out, I commented to the salesman how comfortable the jeans were and said, “I sure hope they are in style for a while.” He responded, “I think they will be in style for a long time; people are over skinny jeans and heels.”

I’ve been thinking about his comment ever since. For me, it’s a metaphor for the changes people have been choosing since the pandemic. And, his comment is a reminder that it’s not changing back. 

I hear a lot of talk about how, before the pandemic, the baby boomer perspective was the norm; we adapted our personal lives to our business lives. Post-pandemic, Gen Zers have made it clear that work must adapt to their personal lives. 

While on the one hand, some leaders of large companies are pushing for things to go back to the way they were before, at the same time, I am hearing from Boomer and Gen X clients who say they want the same thing the Zers want. 

Part of my You Pivot™ Program includes a section on defining What Matters. These days clients clearly state that What Matters includes prioritizing family, spiritual, and other activities that make for a full life. More than ever before, I am hearing, “Whatever professional endeavor I do next, I want more than the 80-90% work focus I had before.”

Time will tell how this unfolds, but my salesman may be right: most people are over skinny jeans. 

The Ever Elusive Search for Work-Life Balance

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For many of us, the holy grail of success is achieving “Work-Life- Balance.” It is a topic of frequent discussion in my coaching sessions and is often first on the list when we start working together.
And yet, despite all the discussions, books, and articles, many of us feel this “balance” eludes us. It may be because we see it as an either/or – choosing between work and life to achieve balance.
What if, instead, we saw it, as James Michener did, becoming masters in the art of living.

“Masters in the art of living make little distinction
between their work and their play, their
labor and their leisure, their mind and their
body, their information, and their
recreation, their love, and their religion.
They hardly know which is which.
They simply pursue their vision of excellence at
whatever they do, leaving others to
decide whether they are working or playing.
To them, they are always doing both.”

Are We Having Fun?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

First, I have news: I am excited to share that as a complement to my You Pivot™ Program, I have engaged with the University of Chicago’s Leadership & Society Initiative as a founding instructor and executive life coach.

Every now and then, the subject of fun comes up in a meeting with a client, with my client saying something like, “I am not having fun,” or “I don’t allow myself to have fun,” or, “I don’t have time for fun.” 

Adult life is often a whirlwind of responsibilities, deadlines, and routines, leaving little room for the joys of unadulterated fun. Yet healthy adults recognize the positive mindset that results from having fun is a necessity for mental and emotional well-being.

Recognizing this, I frequently recommend The Book of Joy by Desmond Tutu and Dalai Lama. One of my many learnings from these two wise men is that fun can mean different things to different people. The key is how we feel when we are doing it. 

My own story about having fun came up in a recent conversation with a good friend who said, “My husband keeps telling me I need to spend more time playing.”

Her comment resonated with me, as my husband and some of my male friends have said the same to me.

While neither of us considers ourselves “playful,” we both like to have fun. While our definition of fun doesn’t include going to the playground or even adult playgrounds like golf courses, we agreed that our time together in conversation is something we both describe as fun, as are our trips to exotic places and visits to art museums. 

This conversation made me wonder, 

  • Do men and women define the words play and fun differently to themselves?
  • Or is play an extrovert term rather than a gendered term? 
  • Is one person’s play or fun, another’s work? For example, an introverted, detail-oriented person might find it fun to analyze spreadsheets, while an extrovert would describe this as work.

The Secret of Life

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I’ve had several conversations lately with clients and colleagues about life stages. In 1977, James Taylor wrote The Secret o’ Life. The full lyrics are worth a read, and here’s an excerpt: 

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.

Any fool can do it, 

There ain’t nothing to it.

Nobody knows how we got 

To the top of the hill.

But since we’re on our way down, 

We might as well enjoy the ride.

Isn’t it a lovely ride? 

Sliding down, gliding down,

Try not to try too hard, 

It’s just a lovely ride.

I am struck by Taylor’s wisdom at the age of 27 when he wrote this, and the lyrics remind me of a personal experience with an older man years later. 

 I was sitting on a bench at the old Union Station. The man sat down next to me, and we engaged in conversation. I asked him where he was headed, and he replied with glee, “San Francisco!”

“Wow,” I said, “that is a long way to go on the train.” His reply: “There is as much fun in getting there as there is in being there.”

Taylor’s lyrics and the words of the man on the bench have stayed with me, and I often think of their words in these situations:

  • When I am too focused on getting to the outcome
  • When it’s time to pause
  • When it’s time to remember to be in the moment

As I embark on a trip to Japan in May, I plan to practice the in-the-moment secret, beginning with a hiatus from Sunday Stories. I will publish my usual end-of-month quote next week, and I will see you in June

Nurture Your Butterflies

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

When was the last time you wasted time? When you were “wasting time,” did you feel joyful and creative, or — if you’re like me, did you feel even a tiny bit guilty for “being unproductive?” 

How much better might it have been? How much more would you have enjoyed your time — how much more would you have gotten out of it — if you didn’t feel guilty about it or feel the need to explain it?

Here’s a fact: downtime is vital to our lives.

As human beings, we often find ourselves caught in the never-ending cycle of productivity, constantly striving to achieve more.

Contrary to popular belief, wasting time can actually be beneficial for our overall well-being. However, wasting time poorly is a sin (or whichever word you prefer) because not only are you forgoing the productivity, generosity, and art that comes from work, but you’re also giving up the experimentation, creativity, and joy that comes from wasting time.

If you’re going to waste time (and I hope you will), please do it well; and find inspiration by nurturing your butterflies within.

Do You Have a To-Don’t List?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

An executive acquaintance of mine was just promoted to a C-Suite role, a significant promotion. While she is excited, she has not yet found a replacement for her previous position. In the meantime, she is doing both jobs. When I asked her how it was going, she responded, “just trying to get it all done, without dropping any balls.”

This conversation reminded me of one I had with one of my clients who was lamenting the challenges one of his executives has with burnout. In this case, the CEO said, “I wish this executive would learn to drop some balls, his effort to get everything done is what is causing his burnout”!

For those of us who want to dot every I and cross every T (I admit I am one of them), the ‘to-do list’ can seem endless. This wise CEO’s response “go ahead, drop some balls”; just choose the ones you will drop.

What if instead of starting each day with a to-do list, we also created, in the words of Tom Peters, a “to-don’t list”? Here are some examples to get you started:

  • What if you reviewed your email once or twice daily and let everyone know that is your plan?
  • What if you paused and asked yourself, does this email, call, text, or inquiry require a response?
  • What if you paused before saying “yes”?

 For more on this topic, check out Dan Pink’s Pinkcast 1.16. 

What Is Your Personal Strategic Plan?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

September is the time of the year most companies begin their strategic planning process. But what about your personal strategic plan?

As part of my You Pivot™ Program, I suggest that my clients write a personal strategic plan. And I further recommend that they apply the techniques they have learned from business planning to this personal plan; frankly, most find it challenging. 

Business people are comfortable with and adept at business planning but rarely do these same executives choose to define their mission, vision, and strategic plan for their lives.

If you want to give it a try this year, here is a suggested approach:

  • Begin with your mission, your personal Why? Listen to Simon Sinek discuss finding your Why here. 
  • Then spend some time getting clear on What Matters to You, what really matters. 
  • As you reflect on your personal Why and your What Matters together, you should be able to craft your life vision. 
  • Finally, begin to draft your strategic plan, the actions you want to start, stop or continue so that you can achieve your life vision. 

Same, same, but different from your business plan. 

These Are The Best of Times…

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Charles Dickens said, “these are the best of times; these are the worst of times.”  

How can it be both?

One way to interpret this is to say that it depends on who you are and what your life experiences are.  For some, the past held the best of times, and the present holds the worst. 

And for the pragmatists amongst us, admittedly, I am one, the present is where we live. Therefore, by definition, regardless of who we are, the present is both the best and the worst of times. 

At this point, if you haven’t already quit reading, you are probably asking yourself, “what is she even talking about?”

Earlier this week, I was in conversation with a friend and fellow coach about the attraction many people have toward attending their high school reunions. These reunions allow the attendees to revisit the past, thus providing perspective on both the past and the present. Yet, some of us have never attended, or if we have, we didn’t find it to be the magical experience that it was for others.

As we discussed this more, I remembered my mother’s choice when my father died. He was the love of her life, yet she put away all her photos of him. If my sister hadn’t rescued the albums, they would be gone. 

One reaction to this story is, OMG, how could she? Another is perhaps it was too painful for her to look at him. And a third is she was someone who chose to live in the present; the past was, well, the past. 

  • What is the difference between these perspectives? 
  • Does the question of whether these are the best of times or the worst factor into the difference?
  • Is it a function of our life experience, or is it a function of our philosophical view of the world? 

Who Gets to Decide?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Just about every leadership book and every leadership speaker talks about the importance of allowing people to fail. The concept is delegation does not occur unless and until I enable people to make their own decisions, take their own risks, and succeed or fail on their own.

Easy to say, hard to do, on so many levels. Some of the common questions are:

  • How much risk should I allow them to take?
  • What if I am certain they are making the wrong decision, a decision that will cost me money, put the company at risk, put the person at risk? How can I look away and allow the failure to occur?
  • How many failures are okay?

Lately, I have come to realize this question, who gets to decide, also applies to our personal lives. The following stories brought this realization home to me.

A friend’s teenage son is more focused on sports than on his homework, a familiar story. Mom says, “we have to make him do his homework.” Thus ensues a fight between mom and son. Dad says, “let him suffer the consequences if he chooses not to do his homework.” 

Who gets to decide? Who is “right”?

The 89-year-old father of a friend has cancer. His actions indicate he is confused about what he wants. He says he is willing to get treatment but misses his treatment appointments. He lives alone and refuses a live-in caregiver or even a visiting caregiver. Before the cancer diagnosis, he was cognitively in fine shape. Son says, “we have to make him go for his treatments.” Daughter says, “if he wants to be alone, doesn’t attend his appointments, doesn’t return the doctor’s phone calls, it’s his decision to make, not ours.”

Who gets to decide? Who is “right”?

Back to the three questions from the leadership story:

  • How much risk should I allow them to take?
  • What if I am certain they are making the wrong decision, a decision that will cost me money? How can I simply look away and allow the failure to occur?
  • How many failures are okay?

Which choice is the more courageous one? Who gets to decide?

The Maxims of Delphi

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Last week I was in Greece, and one of the highlights of my trip was a visit to Delphi. Inscribed, in ancient Greek, at the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi are the following “maxims”:

  • Know thyself
  • Nothing in excess
  • Certainty brings ruin

In addition to these three, another 147 Delphi maxims provide a framework for an honest, worthy way of living. These “maxims,” short, pithy statements expressing a general truth or rule of conduct, are intended as guidelines and advice, not absolutes, and speak to the following:

  • character
  • worship
  • justice
  • knowledge
  • work
  • finance
  • family

One hundred years later, Confucious teachings were remarkably similar to those found at Delphi. Did Confucious travel to Delphi and copy them down? Doubtful. And, of course, modern religions are also based on these principles.

A few days after visiting Delphi, we visited Akrotiri, where archeologists uncovered a town from the 16th century BC. What was most stunning about this town was the level of sophistication of the inhabitants, including indoor plumbing!

As I left these two historic sites, it occurred to me that the only difference between humans today and in the past, no matter how far back in the past we go, is our technology.  

We have and probably always will strive to understand the motivations of ourselves and others and seek to understand the meaning of life.