January Reflections Part I – A Temporal Moment

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I just finished reading Dan Pink’s latest book, When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing, which likely explains why I am focused on the meaning of January.  January 1, no surprise, is a temporal moment and Dan’s research supports this. We make resolutions on January 1, and for those of us who belong to a gym, we witness the end of those resolutions, sometime around Valentine’s Day.

Yet, for those amongst us who focus on both what and when, according to Dan, we are more likely to turn a “resolution” into a commitment.  I love the simple story Dan shares about Jerry Seinfeld’s writing habit. Jerry writes daily, he doesn’t judge the daily writing he just does it.  Jerry prints out the calendar for the entire year and each day, he puts a big X on the day to mark off the writing. And, after a time, he has so many X’s he is committed. Research says, 21 days is what it takes to create a habit. Jerry say’s it looking at all those X’s, the chain it creates, that inspires him.

Dan also tells us that midpoints matter. Today is about midway from resolution beginning to likely ending, close enough, to ask yourself these questions:

  • What did you promise yourself you would do for yourself this year?
  • Is this promise still top of mind?
  • If not, is it something you still want?
  • If these promises matter to you, what actions are you willing take to turn them from resolutions to habits that extend beyond Valentine’s Day?
  • What is your equivalent of Jerry’s writing habit that you are willing to monitor with a calendar of “X’s”?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

It’s All About The Ride

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Occasionally there are small moments in life that leave a lasting impact. As I think about my intentions for the new year, I am reminded of one of those small incidents, years ago. I was sitting on a bench at the old Union Station. An old man sat down next to me and we engaged in conversation. I asked him where he was headed and he replied with glee, “San Francisco!”

“Wow”, I said, “that is a long way to go on the train.” His reply: “There is as much fun in getting there as there is in being there.”

This man’s answer has stayed with me and I often think of him in these situations:

  • When I am too focused on getting to the outcome
  • When it’s time to pause
  • When it’s time to remember to be in the moment

In The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World, by Desmond Tutu and Dalai Lama, these two amazing seers, inspire us with their tales of being in the moment and experiencing joy, even in the face of adversity.

I wonder if my traveling acquaintance, from many years ago, realized that he had seized on the secret to joy.

Perhaps something to consider in the new year?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Thoughts for the Coming Year

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As we begin to wind down our business lives for the holiday season and focus on next year, I am continuing a tradition I started 2 years ago, with a wish for peace and understanding between us during the holidays and into the new year.

In this spirit, I am sharing a blog written by Linda N. Edelstein, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, Author, Professor.

Repairing​ ​the​ ​Ties​ ​that​ ​Bind

The divisions among us seem to increase daily. How do we begin to heal? How do we enter our festivities with goodwill toward all, not just toward the folks who think like we do? Since the 2016 primaries, as psychologists and psychiatrists, we have listened to people voice innumerable variations of, “I can’t talk to ….” People solve this problem differently; some opt to spend less time with family; some determinedly keep the conversation away from political and social issues; others are baffled that their family’s values of charity and religious principles co-exist with policies that lack empathy. And, then inevitably, because most people long for closeness with family and friends, we are quietly, seriously asked, “How can I talk with people who hold dramatically different values than I do” (pause) “without losing my mind?”

Our writing comes from efforts to understand the psychology of today’s politics and compile practical strategies to use. Reality might not feel friendly right now, but it is all we have. So, let go of the wishes, assumptions and expectations that you will succeed in converting people to your political point of view.

Consider a different approach. People are not coming to holiday gatherings to have their minds changed so, let’s pause in our desires to win people over to a different point of view. Let’s temporarily stop trying to find better arguments. Instead, let’s step back during the holidays and begin with engagement rather than challenge, connection rather than persuasion. Let’s simply be friendly, not to persuade but to fortify bonds that have been worn thin.

Here we go………………

● Set​ ​your​ ​frame​ ​of​ ​mind​. Before you walk into a home or meeting room, set your mind to be welcoming and respectful, not neutral and certainly not hostile. Consider​: You will be inviting people to share their thoughts. You will not chase anyone down or pound them with statistics.

● Listen​ ​hard​. Try to understand where they are coming from. Listening is active, requires attention, and is far more difficult than talking. It is an openness to understanding another person and does not imply agreement. Consider​: Don’t judge; don’t bite your tongue waiting for your turn. Just listen. Display interest. If you are uncertain, ask for clarification, “Can you say more about that?” “Do you have an example?” Use questions to increase your comprehension, not to set a trap. People long to be heard and will appreciate your time and attention.

● People​ ​have​ ​a​ ​worldview.​ ​What is the core value they are speaking about – is it Liberty? Freedom? Empathy? For example, “Everyone should own guns” isn’t just about gun ownership. Consider​: The sentiment may be about feeling helpless and wanting more power. If so, respond to that, “You want to know that you can protect yourself.”

● Listen​ ​for​ ​facts​ ​and​ ​feelings.​ Conversations contain both, whether you’re in a group of 4 or 100. Groups are more difficult to assess because multiple points of view exist simultaneously, but there will be an emotional tone. Consider​: You can respond to facts, “You didn’t get the job you wanted” or feelings, “You’re upset/angry/disappointed that you were overlooked.” For extra information, attend to body language and eye contact.

● Appreciate​ ​the​ ​power​ ​of​ ​belonging.​ ​Values are at our core and lead us to groups where we feel we belong. To change our beliefs is to risk losing our group membership, whether that is a family, political party, or religion. Consider:​ ​When you ask people to change their ideas, it can be a wrenching loss. People come to decisions when they are ready.

● Cultivate​ ​compassion.​ ​It may not help anyone else in the room, but it will do wonders for you. Compassion softens your anger and judgments. We are more similar than different; we all have insecurities, want protection from pain, and desire to belong.

● Don’t​ ​be​ ​defensive.​ We saved the hardest for last, but heated conversations are helped by listening first and being sure you understand the other point of view before you defend yourself, your view, or your behavior. And maybe you don’t need your turn; understanding might just be satisfying enough. We live in contentious times that have strained our ties with each other. Healing will not come from the top; it has to come from us – in whatever ways we can manage to reconnect with our families and organizations. Listening is a powerful first step. Making a concerted effort to connect and listen leaves us less overwhelmed, less isolated, and increasingly hopeful that every individual effort makes a difference.

So give it a try. It’ll be the best gift you give and receive this holiday season.

P.S. This is the last post this year, see you back here in January.


Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

 

Year-End, A Time To Pause and Self-Affirm

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For many of us, the end of the year is a time for self-reflection. We think about what we accomplished, and what we did not. And amongst the leaders I know, the tendency is to focus on what we missed, what can be better, what’s next? The notion that we can constantly make ourselves and our companies better, in theory, is a great idea. But when does it become too much?

For me, the best way to answer this question is to notice our strengths, the strengths of our teams and of our companies and then work to enhance them. In my Vistage work and as a leadership coach and advisor, I refer to this as discovering and working in our genius.

According to Alina Tugend, author of this New York Times article Pursuing Self-Improvement, at the Risk of Self-Acceptance, it was Dale Carnegie who ushered in the era of introspection and self-improvement.

She asserts that we have become so focused on achieving that we are never able to appreciate who we are or what we’ve already accomplished: “[W]hen we’re constantly reaching rather than occasionally being satisfied with what we have in front of us, that’s a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction.”

For me, the best way to avoid the “better, better, better” trap is to ask the following questions about ourselves, our teams and our companies:

  • What am I (we, they) already good at? What do I (we, they) need to do to become excellent at this?
  • Of the things I (we, they) are not good at and are striving to be better at, what can I (we, they) delegate to someone else?
  • Can I (we, they) find a way to accept being adequate or “good enough” at the rest?

Once we know and understand what we are good at, and focus on that, we not only become more effective, we become more satisfied and ultimately become better leaders of better companies.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

When Is It the CEO’s Job to Create Drama?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

One of our Vistage speakers, Don Schmincke, is well known for “Discovering The Leader’s Code: Ancient Secrets For Executive Performance.”

The primary message Don drives home is the importance of having a positive Leadership Saga – because, in the absence of drama created by the leader, your team will create their own.

Supporting Don’s message, an article several years ago in Science titled Inside the Mind of a Motivated Employee describes the efforts of two sociologists at the University of Vermont who tried to better understand the rise and fall of people’s spirits. They studied the moods of 2.4 million people by analyzing the words they used in over 500 million tweets originating in 84 English-speaking countries over two years (February 2008 through January 2010).

What they found was a daily cycle of positive and negative feelings that seemed to apply consistently across cultures, geographies, and time zones. Around the world, people’s positive moods peaked in the morning (6-9 a.m.), dropped through the day until reaching a trough by mid/late-afternoon, began to pick up in late afternoon, and peaked again in the evening.

Both Don’s research and that of Science Magazine raise the following questions:

  • What are we doing every day, to maximize how we spend our time during the positive time of our day? (Are you reading email first thing when instead you might be working on innovation?)
  • What are we doing each day to create the kind of drama that reinforces the vision we have for our business and inspires our team to do great work?
  • What results are we likely to achieve by taking action and changing what we do each day?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Today Is Giving Tuesday

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Today is #GivingTuesday, a day dedicated to giving back. On #GivingTuesday, nonprofits, families, businesses and students around the world come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give.

Last year, many of you made #GivingTuesday an incredible success for Cara, a mission I am passionate about. What began as a humble effort four years ago, to raise $10,000 with a $5,000 challenge grant, grew to over $60,000 last year. I am grateful for your support.

Inspired by last year’s success, we took a deep breath, asked others to join us, (myself, Kevin Krak, Vistage Member and CEO of Gallant Building Solutions, Amanda and Benjamin Wilson and The Coleman Foundation), and set our most ambitious goal ever, a $100,000 Giving Tuesday Grant. We will match nearly every dollar of the first $50,000 raised.

My relationship with Cara began several years ago when a friend invited me to experience Morning Motivations. I discovered on this day how similar Vistage’s mission, of increasing the effectiveness and enhancing the lives of CEOs and Executives, is to Cara’s mission for its students. We’re both about uncovering the leader within and inviting them to become their best selves. Cara does it by unlocking hope and opportunity. Or as I have become fond of saying “Cara not only ‘teaches a man to fish’, they provide the pole”.

In addition to coaching Maria Kim, Cara CEO, and member of Vistage, for the first time this year, I have had the opportunity to coach and mentor a Cara student named Kyle. Last month, I wrote about Kyle and one of Cara’s many successful graduates in a blog titled Perspective.  Kyle is a highly educated, Princeton undergraduate and NYU MBA, and had a stellar career until his life fell apart and he was lucky enough to find Cara.

Through my work with Kyle, I am discovering firsthand how Cara transforms lives. And the beautiful part is, Cara’s job and life skills training works for anyone who is motivated to achieve the results they want. In Kyle’s words:

“This community has changed my life, loved me and shown me I still have value to offer, despite my mistakes. I now believe the person who is on this resume is still me; and I am going out on my own, standing on the foundation that Cara built”.

Like all well run Vistage companies, Cara measures their performance. They produce hundreds of jobs each year, at retention rates over 20 points higher than national norms. They also produce a profound $6.2 million annual social impact and a 597% social return on investment.

Would you consider making a donation this year for #GivingTuesday? Your gift will be matched 100%, and you’ll be helping a motivated person get back to work.

Click Here to give today and your gift will go twice as far.

Thank you in advance for joining us for a Giving Tuesday donation to the Cara Program, or to the social purpose organization of your choice.

 

 

Thanks-Giving

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I love this holiday because it is celebrated by all Americans, regardless of their backgrounds, affiliations or preferences.

While the “thanks” part of Thanksgiving is so meaningful, the “giving” part is equally so. To celebrate the giving part, a delightful tradition, called #GivingTuesday, takes place on November 28th.

Last year, many of you made #GivingTuesday an incredible success for Cara, a mission I am passionate about. What began as a humble effort four years ago, to raise $10,000 with a $5,000 challenge grant, grew to over $60,000 last year. I am grateful for your support.

Inspired by last year’s success, we took a deep breath, asked others to join us, (myself, Kevin Krak, Vistage Member and CEO of Gallant Building Solutions, Amanda and Benjamin Wilson and The Coleman Foundation), and set our most ambitious goal ever, a $100,000 Giving Tuesday Grant. We will match nearly every dollar of the first $50,000 raised.

My relationship with Cara began several years ago when a friend invited me to experience Morning Motivations. I discovered on this day how similar Vistage’s mission, of increasing the effectiveness and enhancing the lives of CEOs and Executives, is to Cara’s mission for its students. We’re both about uncovering the leader within and inviting them to become their best selves. Cara does it by unlocking hope and opportunity. Or as I have become fond of saying “Cara not only ‘teaches a man to fish’, they provide the pole”.

In addition to coaching Maria Kim, Cara CEO, and member of Vistage, for the first time this year, I have had the opportunity to coach and mentor a Cara student named Kyle. Last month, I wrote about Kyle and one of Cara’s many successful graduates in a blog titled Perspective. Kyle is a highly educated, Princeton undergraduate and NYU MBA, and had a stellar career until his life fell apart and he was lucky enough to find Cara.

Through my work with Kyle, I am discovering firsthand how Cara transforms lives. And the beautiful part is, Cara’s job and life skills training works for anyone who is motivated to achieve the results they want. In Kyle’s words:

“This community has changed my life, loved me and shown me I still have value to offer, despite my mistakes. I now believe the person who is on this resume is still me; and I am going out on my own, standing on the foundation that Cara built”.

Like all well run Vistage companies, Cara measures their performance. They produce hundreds of jobs each year, at retention rates over 20 points higher than national norms. They also produce a profound $6.2 million annual social impact and a 597% social return on investment.

Would you consider making a donation this year for #GivingTuesday? Your gift will be matched, and you’ll be helping a motivated person get back to work.

Click Here to give today and your gift will go twice as far. (Don’t let the name fool you; we’re accepting donations today through November 28th).

Thank you in advance for joining us for a Giving Tuesday donation to the Cara Program, or to the social purpose organization of your choice.

Ego Diversification

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

What does it mean to diversify your ego? Does that even make sense?

In the investment world, diversification is de rigueur. Anyone who works with an investment advisor has heard them talk about the benefits of holding a diversified portfolio. The reasons are pretty straightforward, asset classes typically move differently and when one class is underperforming, another is likely to outperform. The goal, therefore, of holding a diversified portfolio, is to achieve an overall positive return. And, even when a positive return isn’t feasible, e.g. in a significant downturn like we experienced in 2008, a diversified portfolio will still outperform a single asset class that experienced a significant loss, the S&P 500, in this example.

The concept of ego diversification is similar. If we are getting all of our identify, our ego satisfaction, from a single pursuit, what happens when something is not going well with that pursuit?

Perhaps something at work is not going well, a new customer, for example, wasn’t transitioned well and we focus all of our attention on fixing that problem. Our initial instinct often is to double down and laser focus on solving the problem.

  • What is the impact to our self-esteem when our gut tells us solving the problem is going to take a while?
  • What if instead of grinding away, heads down, for weeks or even months, we intentionally spread our attention toward positive situations, time with a happy customer, or time being in service to someone or something that matters to us?
  • How might the “performance” of our lives improve, if we endeavor to diversify our ego gratification all the time thereby creating a “portfolio” of pursuits that together provide satisfaction and joy?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain