This month’s leadership quote:
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
–C.S. Lewis
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
Why Do We Make Mistakes?
To close out 2018, I’ve asked Dr. Andrea Simon, Vistage Speaker and corporate anthropologist, to write the following guest blog, “Why Do We Make Mistakes?”
This blog seemed a fitting conclusion to my recent series on habits.
We’ve all been told since childhood to learn from our mistakes. In this blog, Dr. Simon offers us her perspective on the science of making mistakes. We learn why making mistakes makes us smarter and our brains bigger. And why, despite our efforts to learn from them, we continue to make them throughout our lives.
See you in the new year.
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
***************************************************************************
Mistakes are a natural part of life – there is no way around that. There is no person, alive or dead, who hasn’t made any mistakes throughout their life. The most significant difference, however, is between those who can learn from their mistakes and those who can’t. We may try to even go as far as saying that the secret to success is knowing how to handle errors and failure by treating them as the foundation for future achievements. And the sooner people learn to do that, the better.
But before we can go into more detail about that, let’s take a look at why we make mistakes, in the first place. One of the primary reasons is that life is unpredictable, thus the phrase trial and error. None of us were handed a life guidebook on how to run our lives, and we need to make our way as we go along.
Hopefully, after a series of several mistakes, we begin to learn to stop repeating them. But by this logic, however, we should stop making more errors by the time we reach adulthood – which is not the case. The reason – life is unpredictable and filled with unknown variables. It is even more uncertain in the 21st century. Today’s world is nothing if not fast-paced and the many technological advancements made over the past two decades have seen to that.
It is for this reason why traditional business models are not as viable as they once were. Ironically enough, it would be more of a mistake in the conventional sense of the word, to keep doing things the same instead of employing a bit of trial and error as a means of finding better ways of doing things.
What Can Mistakes Teach Us?
At their core, mistakes teach us things. It is why mistakes are sometimes called life’s lessons. In other words, mistakes teach us how not to do things, and it is up to each of us to realize that. If we look at scientific research, the failure to prove something through an experiment is still regarded as a success since it shows how two things are not connected.
When scientific research can prove a connection, it provides us with some genuinely fascinating insight. Based on a study conducted by, Dr. Michael Kilgard and his team from the University of Texas at Dallas, it was revealed that our brain goes through some significant changes every time we err.
During the learning process, the brain starts compiling the information, and it becomes enlarged. Over time, it begins returning to its original size but keeps the new neural pathways that the mistake generated. In other words, making mistakes makes us smarter by creating more efficient synapses and fundamentally altered neurons.
Encouraging the Right Mistakes in the Workplace
Though it may seem counterintuitive at first, a business will only stand to gain if it encourages mistakes in the workplace. Do please keep in mind that we are not talking about errors that are a result of inattention to detail or sloppiness. We are, of course, talking about the kind of mistakes that are a result of calculated risks.
By embracing these mistakes, employees will gain the necessary confidence to try out new things and not feel bad when they don’t work out as planned. It’s important to remember that many marketers today are employing this strategy. They are continually trying out new ideas (trial and error), figuring out what works and what doesn’t, as a means of driving innovation and remain competitive in the market.
For better or worse, today’s technological revolution demands more mistakes to occur, otherwise risk becoming obsolete. Employ the same mentality on a business management level, not only marketing. Innovation has a sizable chance of happening, and employees are also happier as a consequence.
Nevertheless, making the transition from a company culture where mistakes were traditionally penalized to one that encourages them, does not happen overnight. So, what can be done to facilitate this change?
Leading by Example
In most cases, it’s not enough to send a company-wide memo telling employees that it’s okay to take more risks and that failure is accepted. Old habits die hard, after all, and your staff will be skeptical at first. To counteract this phenomenon, it’s advised that you lead by example.
It’s a generally accepted fact that employees will take most of their cues from their leaders, meaning that management needs to showcase the importance of trying out new solutions. This top-down shift in mentality will not only act as an example, but it will also show that it’s okay for others to do the same.
Encouraging Feedback and Transparency
Feedback and transparency will also play a crucial role in this transition. Your employees should feel comfortable to present their ideas and should not be ashamed of the mistakes that they may encounter along the way. You will quickly come to realize that when everyone feels comfortable to share their ideas and failures, efficiency also increases.
When people are not constrained by fear of shame, they will be more open with each other, which, in turn, leads to closer relationships and better overall communication. Likewise, the free exchange of ideas and mishaps also increases the chance of innovation.
Fast Failure
The concept of fast failure isn’t something new, but it is a product of the 21st century. The idea, in and of itself, is more of a state of mind than anything else. It is based on the idea that mistakes are natural and accepted. So, when they do happen, mistakes shouldn’t be taken to heart. When something doesn’t work as expected, you quickly learn from them and move on to the next idea.
The more efficient use of fast failure is by applying it on a micro level. So, instead of trying an entirely new idea, it’s better to break it up into smaller parts and brainstorm at every stage of the process. It increases the likelihood of success of the original idea while still making mistakes along the way.
Takeaway
The point is that mistakes have a lot to teach us as long as we are willing. The biggest hurdle, however, is to change the heavily entrenched idea that errors are a terrible thing and people should be reprimanded for them.
Making the Visible, Invisible
I love dining out. I love live theatre and for me, restaurants are theaters. Like theatre, restaurants create a show for us to experience, including director, actors, staging and lighting.
A couple of weeks ago I had dinner at a local restaurant that is part of a restaurant group. It was an experience in innovation and leadership that I feel compelled to share.
I have eaten at the original restaurant a couple of times and I described the experience as “dinner & a show”. It’s a fine dining restaurant so one expects special, and they delivered. The “show” in this case is visible, it’s in your face. The goal is to show the patron how creative they are. It is mostly about the way the food is prepared, e.g. molecular gastronomy, liquids that taste like solids, or foam that tastes like celery or the like, but it also is about the presentation (packaging) and the delivery.
This newer restaurant in the group is casual. The menu is simple, the atmosphere is lively and casual. On the surface, no different than many other restaurants. And, yet, from the moment we walked in, I sensed a difference.
What I first noticed was the atmosphere. There was loud music playing, but the room didn’t feel loud. Conversation was at a normal level, we could easily hear each other. The lighting was perfect, bright enough to read the menu, dim enough to be soft and calm. We were seated at the bar which wraps around the kitchen. Again, subtle but significant differences. The chairs had wide soft seats, in short, comfortable. When was the last time you sat on a comfortable bar stool?
Next, was the service. The server was friendly and engaging, dressed in jeans and a cowboy shirt. And yet, much like the atmosphere, it was clear, he was a professional, except for his attire, he would have easily fit at their fine dining restaurant.
Last, of course was the food. And there was the same subtle, yet profound, difference here. The menu was simple, I even questioned my husband for ordering salmon, which we make all the time. I should have known better. Like everything else, the food was anything but ordinary. And, the best part was we got to watch them make it over a roaring fire right there in front of our eyes. There were 5 cooks preparing all the plates, one was the leader, and it took us quite a while to figure out who he was, again, subtle but different.
In short, they delivered an incredible customer experience. And, unlike their fine dining partner, if I hadn’t been looking closely, except for the cooking over the roaring fire, the “show” was invisible. I wouldn’t have even noticed the parts, yet, I would have felt the wonder of the experience.
None of this was accidental, the leadership of this organization knows the business they are in and they ensure they have the talent, culture and process to consistently deliver. They start with the same ingredients as their competition, then they add their secret sauce to the food, to the atmosphere and the service, thereby creating a unique experience. So unique, that it caused someone, me, to blog about it two weeks later.
What this restaurant group teaches us is that customer experience can be delivered visibly or invisibly. It’s up to us to figure out what works in what situation and then, in the words of one of my Vistage members, Gallant Building Solutions, “deliver a WOW experience for every client, every time”.
- Does your culture allow team members to operate both independently and as a team?
- How is your product differentiated, even if it is a commodity like salmon?
- What is your equivalent of atmosphere? Can your customers converse in a normal tone or do they need to shout?
- Do your customers perceive your “servers” as true professionals?
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
The Challenge of Perception Habits
Recently, I wrote two blogs about habits. The first, here, was about decision fatigue and how activity habits simplify our lives by reducing the number of decisions we have to make. The second, here, was about the dark side of habits, how our response habits can cause us to treat situations that feel similar as the same, even when they aren’t. These response habits can result in unintended damage to our relationships.
In response to the second blog, one of my readers reminded me of another habit that can impact our relationships, both with ourselves and with important people in our lives. I am calling this one, perception habits.
There are two sides to these perceptions, our own and others.
First on the self-perception. Here’s what my reader shared: A while ago, I was at a party and people were talking about whether they liked vanilla or chocolate. I volunteered that I really preferred vanilla. A friend looked at me and asked, what are you talking about? You order chocolate dessert every time we go out. She was right. I had turned into a chocolate person, but I hadn’t ‘noticed’. I defined myself out of habit even though my behavior had changed.
Of course, these self perceptions can be funny like the chocolate/vanilla story or they can stand in the way of our moving forward toward what we want in life.
Similarly, perceptions others have of us can stand in the way when we are trying to change our behavior, and in fact, are changing our behavior. What happens often, especially in long term business and personal relationships is… the recipient anticipates that we will behave as we have historically. This is the other side of response habits. I want to change, you perceive me as unchanged, you respond based on my prior behavior, which may cause me to slip into prior behaviors and on and on it goes.
How do we stop this?
- When was the last time you really listened to a family member when they are ‘behaving as they always do’?
- What if instead of responding, you asked questions? Hard to do, I know.
- What do you do when you aren’t feeling heard? Or feeling judged?
- What if instead of responding as you usually do, you simply share how you are feeling in the moment?
Could these small changes in response, lead to small changes in perceptions, that then lead to more changes in perception habits, and behavior, and thereby, a more positive circle?
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
Today Is Giving Tuesday
Today is Giving Tuesday, a day dedicated to giving back. On Giving Tuesday, nonprofits, families, businesses and students around the world come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give.
Many of you know about my passion for Cara, a true social innovator that helps motivate men and women, affected by homelessness and poverty, reclaim their voice and their vocation. My relationship with Cara began years ago, when a friend of mine invited me to experience Morning Motivations. Today, and for the last several years, I am proud to count Maria Kim, CEO, as a member of the Vistage CEO Peer Advisory Board, that I lead. Through my years coaching this CEO, getting to know her team and some of the Cara students, I’ve come to see Cara as not just a place where people come to get and keep good jobs, but a place where people come to reinvent, recover and discover their unique genius.
In a way, their mission, community and culture of accountability are not dissimilar to what I have grown to love at Vistage. We’re both about untapping the leader within and inviting her forward to be her best self. They do it through hope, jobs and opportunity; and we do it through skill-building and peer mentorship to develop world-class CEOs.
Like all well-run Vistage companies, Cara measures their performance. They produce hundreds of jobs each year, at retention rates over 20 points higher than national norms, and with over 80% of employed participants moving onto permanent housing in which their families can thrive. They also produce a profound social return on investment, where for every dollar invested in this work, $5.97 is re-invested in society over a five year time horizon.
In this season of Thanksgiving, I realize we have so much for which to be grateful – the roof over our heads, the hearty meals we share with our families, and the occupations we have that provide for our loved ones and give us a sense of purpose. These things we may take for granted are not always available for the most vulnerable citizens among us.
This year, I have once again joined with Jim and Kay Mabie, The Coleman Foundation, and a private family foundation to create a $60,000 Challenge Grant. This means we have the chance to raise a record $120,000 together!
Click Here to give today and your gift will go twice as far. (Don’t let the name fool you, we’re accepting donations today through November 30.) Click Here for some Giving Tuesday inspiration from Maria Kim.
Thank you in advance for joining us for a Giving Tuesday donation to Cara, or to the social purpose organization of your choice.
Leadership Quote: Be Stubborn…
This month’s leadership quote:
“Be stubborn about your goals, and flexible about your methods.”
–Author Unknown
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
Thanks-Giving
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday because it is celebrated by all Americans, regardless of their backgrounds. While the “thanks” part of Thanksgiving is so meaningful, the “giving” part is equally so.
To celebrate the giving part, a delightful tradition, called Giving Tuesday, takes place on November 27th. It is a day dedicated to giving back. On Giving Tuesday, nonprofits, families, businesses and students around the world come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give.
Many of you know about my passion for Cara, a true social innovator that helps motivate men and women, affected by homelessness and poverty, reclaim their voice and their vocation. My relationship with Cara began years ago, when a friend of mine invited me to experience Morning Motivations. Today, and for the last several years, I am proud to count Maria Kim, CEO, as a member of the Vistage CEO Peer Advisory Board, that I lead. Through my years coaching this CEO, getting to know her team and some of the Cara students, I’ve come to see Cara as not just a place where people come to get and keep good jobs, but a place where people come to reinvent, recover and discover their unique genius.
In a way, their mission, community and culture of accountability are not dissimilar to what I have grown to love at Vistage. We’re both about untapping the leader within and inviting her forward to be her best self. They do it through hope, jobs and opportunity; and we do it through skill-building and peer mentorship to develop world-class CEOs.
Like all well-run Vistage companies, Cara measures their performance. They produce hundreds of jobs each year, at retention rates over 20 points higher than national norms, and with over 80% of employed participants moving onto permanent housing in which their families can thrive. They also produce a profound social return on investment, where for every dollar invested in this work, $5.97 is re-invested in society over a five year time horizon.
In this season of Thanksgiving, I realize we have so much for which to be grateful – the roof over our heads, the hearty meals we share with our families, and the occupations we have that provide for our loved ones and give us a sense of purpose. These things we may take for granted are not always available for the most vulnerable citizens among us.
This year, I have once again joined with Jim and Kay Mabie, The Coleman Foundation, and a private family foundation to create a $60,000 Challenge Grant. This means we have the chance to raise a record $120,000 together!
Click Here to give today and your gift will go twice as far. (Don’t let the name fool you, we’re accepting donations today through November 30.)
Thank you in advance for joining us for a Giving Tuesday donation to Cara, or to the social purpose organization of your choice.
Another Form of Diversification, Expectation Diversity
Last week I wrote about ego diversification. And it reminded me of another sort of diversification, that of diversity of expectations. Whether in a personal situation, or a business situation, expecting one person to fulfill all our needs is usually a recipe for disappointment.
Most of us long ago realized that if we spend 100% of our time with our life partner, the probability that they, or we, would get to have, do or be everything we want, is pretty close to zero.
And yet in business, we often get caught up in looking for that ideal person. The one who has the style we want, the people skills we want and can perform all the functions we want. This is especially true of entrepreneur leaders because they themselves have such a diverse set of talents and strengths.
Most entrepreneurs have a wide range of skills and abilities, and can do a wide range of things themselves. This diversity is what enabled them to start a business. And because of this, they believe that most others have this too. And like with any other genius, what comes easy to us, we tend to believe is easy for others. And yet in my experience, this genius is rare and unique to entrepreneurs. Most of us tend to have strengths in a few areas, and if allowed to focus primarily in these areas, we will excel.
Recently I was talking with one of my entrepreneur clients about this very subject. When she first started her business, she had a partner. They worked quite well together, each contributing their expertise to the business and most importantly they collaborated well. The partner left the business several years ago and since then, my client has been seeking someone to replace her.
During the time we have been working together, she has been focused on growing her team so that she can focus on the business, rather than just working in the business. During this conversation she told me “I am still looking for that person who I can trust the way I did my partner”. As we dug into this desire, we began to realize that there were 3 or 4 key functions her partner had fulfilled and it worked. The thing was, the skill set required for each was quite different and rare to find in one person.
With that in mind, she decided to identify the functions that are truly essential and see how they could be split up. She began by identifying the responsibilities that can be handled by current staff, what can be outsourced and what she needs to hire. Importantly, she is no longer looking for one person to do it all.
Once the roles and responsibilities were clearly defined, she realized, for example, that her collaboration need can be filled by her external advisors. Next, she identified a person on her team that can take on additional responsibilities, and she has begun to narrow and more clearly define the expectations of a key outside hire.
- Who do you have on your team with whom you are frustrated because they can’t do it all?
- Are they strong at some things that matter to your business?
- What would be the impact on your business if you allowed them to focus on those things and moved the rest to someone else?
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
Ego Diversification
What does it mean to diversify your ego? Does that even make sense?
In the investment world, diversification is de rigueur. Anyone who works with an investment advisor has heard them talk about the benefits of holding a diversified portfolio. The reasons are pretty straightforward, asset classes typically move differently and when one class is underperforming, another is likely to outperform. The goal, therefore, of holding a diversified portfolio, is to achieve an overall positive return. And, even when a positive return isn’t feasible, e.g. in a significant downturn like we experienced in 2008, a diversified portfolio will still outperform a single asset class that experienced a significant loss, the S&P 500, in this example.
The concept of ego diversification is similar. If we are getting all of our identify, our ego satisfaction, from a single pursuit, what happens when something is not going well with that pursuit?
I recall a time early in my career, when I learned this lesson the hard way. I was in my first significant leadership position, and 2 of the divisions I was leading were having major issues. I was frustrated, feeling inadequate and convinced I was a failing. So, what did I do? I worked more. Convinced that if I cut everything else out and focused just on work, things would get better. Not so much. The issues were long term issues, they were there when I took over and it took a long time to sort them out. Meanwhile, my feelings about myself continued to focus on the negative. I was fortunate at the time to work for a manager, Jim was his name, that understood this concept of ego diversification. In fact, he was the one who first shared this idea with me. As I was telling him how badly I was feeling about the problems continuing to go unsolved, instead of trying to help me solve them, or trying to “make me feel better”, he simply said “what you need is ego diversification”. Find something else to spend time on that will make you feel successful.
While it seemed counterintuitive at the time, since I was already working so many hours, this led to my first charitable board position. This work was fun, I was able to have an impact and it gave me separation from my regular work. Eventually the work issues were resolved and since that time, every time I have felt myself sucked into 110% focus on just one thing, Jim’s words came back to me.
Here is what I learned from this. When we focus all of our attention on fixing a problem, when our initial instinct is to double down and laser focus on solving the problem:
- What is the impact to our self-esteem when our gut tells us solving the problem is going to take a while?
- What if instead of grinding away, heads down, for weeks or even months, we intentionally spread our attention toward positive situations, time with a happy customer, or time being in service to someone or something that matters to us?
- How might the “performance” of our lives improve, if we endeavor to diversify our ego gratification all the time thereby creating a “portfolio” of pursuits that together provide satisfaction and joy?
On November 14, my Vistage CEO group is hosting one of our semi-annual guest days. If you or someone you know would like to learn more about Vistage, this is a low-key way to meet our members and hear a great speaker, Andrea Simon, who asks “Who will be your customers in three years?” Please contact me directly for an invite: Elisa K Spain.
For more about the members of the group click here
For more about the speaker on November 14, click here
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
The Dark Side of Habit
Last month, I wrote about the power of habit. I recently had two experiences with people I know well that reminded me there is also a dark side to habit.
The closer the relationship, the more we think we “know” a person, the more we form habits or patterns in those relationships. If they do X, we respond with Y. If they say Z, we respond with A and so on.
Sometimes it isn’t even the person in front of us that triggers habitual behavior, but someone else, a former boss perhaps with whom we had a great relationship; and we pattern our behavior with our new boss based on that experience and wonder why it isn’t going as well.
Habits are shortcuts. As I shared last month, activity habits can serve us by making us both more efficient and more effective in our daily lives. Response habits on the other hand, can inadvertently damage our relationships.
A couple of weeks ago, I had two experiences that reminded me of some of my response habits and how often I use them.
The first was with a client who was in the midst of a big decision. He is the sort of person who likes to “think out loud”. I know this about him, and what I forgot was when he says “I want to run this by you”, what that means, I want to think out loud.
Instead, in my zeal to be helpful, I forgot what I knew. And, started asking questions and offering my perspective. After all, what he said was “I want to run this by you”. When he reminded me for the third time that “he had already considered that”, I finally got it and went back to listening. And, responded based on who is in front of me. What a wonderful reminder, yet again, to pause.
The second experience was with my husband. We both love to cook and over the course of nearly 27 years, we have slipped into a pattern. He is the chef, I am the sous chef. This works. And, every now and then, I am the chef and he is the sous chef. This doesn’t work so well. The reason is our response patterns are based on the first scenario, i.e. he leads, I follow. Here’s what usually happens. I start prepping, he comes over to look at what I am doing, I feel “supervised”, I don’t like being “supervised”, so I get huffy and what started as a fun couples activity, ends up, not so fun.
After the situation with my friend, and the blow up about cooking the next day, I tried something different the next time we cooked. When my husband asked me to do something I thought was obvious, and I was already planning to, instead of saying “do you really think I wasn’t going to do that?”, I simply said “okay”. The result, we had fun cooking together. I tried it again the next time we cooked, this time working together on the same dish which historically has been a danger zone. It worked again, we were laughing and having fun. Not easy to break those response habits, and the positive reinforcement certainly is reminding me to keep trying.
Perhaps next time a friend or a family member, or an employee, starts to behave in an expected manner, what if instead of responding with habit, we looked with fresh eyes, and asked questions, just as we would do with someone we don’t know at all and for whom we have no expectations?
On November 14, my Vistage CEO group is hosting one of our semi-annual guest days. If you or someone you know would like to learn more about Vistage, this is a low-key way to meet our members and hear a great speaker, Andrea Simon, who asks “Who will be your customers in three years?” Please contact me directly for an invite: Elisa K Spain.
For more about the members of the group click here
For more about the speaker on November 14, click here
You can read more of my blogs and leadership quotes here.
The initial results of my Pivot are excellent. I feel I have much greater clarity regarding the next 3-5 years.. 