Are Your Expectations Too High Or Too Low?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

How do you know if your expectations are too high or too low?

  • Sometimes, we set our sights too low and don’t achieve as much as we can.
  • Sometimes, we expect too much from ourselves and feel we don’t measure up.
  • Sometimes, we expect too much from clients, vendors, and others, and they feel they can’t please us.
  • Sometimes, we expect too little or don’t ask for what we want from others and take on too much ourselves instead.

How do we know which it is? For me, the litmus test is this:

  • How often are my expectations of myself or others met?
  • What does my gut say about that percentage? Too high? Too low?
  • What must I do next to align my expectations with what is possible?

Thanks-Giving

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Thanksgiving is a uniquely American holiday. A time for us to let go of our differences, support one another, and find gratitude. For me, it is a time to pause, consider the gifts that life has given me and ask myself how and where I can pay them forward.   

The current inflationary environment, while abating continues to be unequal in ways that will have a lasting effect. Household staples are the biggest inflation contributors and have the most unequal impact.

As Thanks-Giving approaches, it’s time for those of us who have the gift of privilege to pause and ask ourselves these questions:

  • What can I do to support the businesses in my community so they can pay it forward and continue to employ people?
  • What can I do to support my neighbors who may be struggling with housing, food insecurity, and other unmet basic needs? 
  • What can I do to support the agencies, including the arts, that fill the gaps in these unmet needs and bring hope and beauty to our community? 

Why Do We Doodle?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I have news: I am excited to share that as a complement to my You Pivot™ Program, I have engaged with the University of Chicago’s Leadership & Society Initiative as a founding instructor and executive life coach.

Humans have doodled throughout history. Yet, there tends to be judgment around it. We see someone doodling and often assume they are not paying attention. 

And the research says otherwise.

“To Doodle: to make spontaneous marks to help yourself think; a preemptive measure to stop you from losing focus.”

I was recently sitting in a presentation, noticing some listeners doodling, and truth be told, doodling myself. 

I remembered this Ted Talk by Sunni Brown that I watched years ago. And suddenly felt good about my doodling. 

Sunni wants us to doodle more! How much more effective could we all be if we listened to her and made a conscious effort to doodle more?

It Only Takes A Moment

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Appreciation is a leadership action. As leaders, we tend to focus on monetary signs of appreciation, e.g., gifts or bonuses. Yet, as humans, we most value specific appreciation directed just to us. And most of us find it challenging to do this. We celebrate or complement the team, but we rarely notice and communicate with simple appreciative words or a carefully selected card or a note to just one person.

Here’s an example:

Instead of, “You did a good job on this report,” why not say, “You did a good job creating the status report this week. I like that it was succinct and included the due dates. It helped me see what was pending and how much was due at the same time”.

The great thing about this simple appreciation is that it doesn’t take any planning and costs nothing. It only takes a moment and can be done in the moment.

To whom will you give specific appreciation today?

Are We Having Fun?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

First, I have news: I am excited to share that as a complement to my You Pivot™ Program, I have engaged with the University of Chicago’s Leadership & Society Initiative as a founding instructor and executive life coach.

Every now and then, the subject of fun comes up in a meeting with a client, with my client saying something like, “I am not having fun,” or “I don’t allow myself to have fun,” or, “I don’t have time for fun.” 

Adult life is often a whirlwind of responsibilities, deadlines, and routines, leaving little room for the joys of unadulterated fun. Yet healthy adults recognize the positive mindset that results from having fun is a necessity for mental and emotional well-being.

Recognizing this, I frequently recommend The Book of Joy by Desmond Tutu and Dalai Lama. One of my many learnings from these two wise men is that fun can mean different things to different people. The key is how we feel when we are doing it. 

My own story about having fun came up in a recent conversation with a good friend who said, “My husband keeps telling me I need to spend more time playing.”

Her comment resonated with me, as my husband and some of my male friends have said the same to me.

While neither of us considers ourselves “playful,” we both like to have fun. While our definition of fun doesn’t include going to the playground or even adult playgrounds like golf courses, we agreed that our time together in conversation is something we both describe as fun, as are our trips to exotic places and visits to art museums. 

This conversation made me wonder, 

  • Do men and women define the words play and fun differently to themselves?
  • Or is play an extrovert term rather than a gendered term? 
  • Is one person’s play or fun, another’s work? For example, an introverted, detail-oriented person might find it fun to analyze spreadsheets, while an extrovert would describe this as work.

Are You a Journaler?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I am told that people who like to express themselves in writing keep journals. I am not a journaler. I never have been. Yet, I like to write.

I was curious about this, so I asked some journalers and non-journalers why they journal. Here is what I learned.

My husband is an engineer by training, and he is also an artist. He designs and makes beautiful knives. He is also a fly fisherman, another form of artistry. He tells me he keeps a journal of both activities to track progress and preserve memories.

I have a friend who keeps a journal of poetry.

And I have another friend who keeps a journal of her travels.

Perhaps these Sunday Stories are my journal.

Webster defines a journal as “a record of experiences, ideas or reflections kept regularly for private use.” I found this definition unsatisfying and perhaps dated.

Do you write in a journal about something that matters to you? What is the reason you do it?

As The Leaves Begin to Fall…

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

The weather here turned cold today, ending what seemed to be an endless summer. As the leaves begin to fall and we transition to winter in the Northern climes, it reminds us of the cyclicality of life. Time to reflect on what has passed, celebrate our successes, and remind ourselves that whatever may have been our failures, we get an opportunity in the new year to begin again.

In my experience, putting some intentionality around what I want to happen increases my chances of looking back at this time next year and noticing and measuring progress and success. With that in mind, I offer the following questions to consider before the year comes to an end. 

  1. Was there a significant experience in the past year that impacted you? How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired? 
  2. Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Alternatively, is there something you are especially proud of from this past year?
  3. What is one thing you’d like to achieve by this time next year? Why is this important to you? 

Things (and people) Are Not Always As They Appear

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

I recently met with someone who came to our meeting with a lot of assumptions about me. It was a difficult meeting, and it reminded me of the dangers of the judgments we make, the judgments I make.

We make assumptions daily, mostly about other people. Our assumptions are like silent storytellers shaping our thoughts, beliefs, and actions daily. They are the shortcuts our minds take to navigate a complex world, helping us process information quickly.

At the same time, these beliefs can cause disagreements that weren’t there to begin with. And more importantly, they can cause us to miss out on a rich experience with another person.

  • We assume a person looks a certain way because…
  • We assume a person responded to us a certain way because…
  • We assume a person took action or didn’t take action because…

In a world that thrives on complexity, assumptions are both allies and adversaries. Striking the right balance, acknowledging their presence, and learning to use them judiciously can help us navigate the intricate web of life more effectively.

What if, instead of assuming, we paused and asked questions like:

  • What is the reason you made this choice or took this action?
  • What is going on in your day? What happened before our meeting?
  • What can I learn from you about what I want to know? What can I learn from you about me?