The Gift of Feedback – Elisa K. Spain

Feedback is a gift. It is an opportunity for personal development and, ultimately, leadership development. And, it is hard; Very hard.

I am not sure which is harder, giving feedback or accepting it. Recently I was with a small group of fellow coaches, several of us long-tenured, and we were discussing this very topic. We spent a couple of hours working with each other to improve our skills at both. I mention long-tenured, as a reminder to myself, that no matter how skilled we think we are at this, it is hard, and requires constant practice. Following are the reminders I heard.

When giving feedback:

Start from a place of care, ask yourself what outcome you want to achieve from the feedback, and get clear that you really believe that outcome is possible, i.e., is the person capable of the behavior change you want to see?
You can earn trust with truthful, specific, positive feedback (TSP as speaker, Michael Allosso, calls it).
When giving constructive feedback, ask first if the receiver is open to feedback.
Even better, wait until the feedback is asked for.
Own your experience, share feelings and observations; be specific.
Use neutral language, e.g., my experience of you… or When you do…, I feel…
Remember, the purpose of feedback is to share your experience of another person, not to “fix” the other person.

When receiving feedback, remember it is a gift:

Ask for feedback, and be specific about the purpose, e.g., I want to become more effective at…
Listen and digest.
Try not to defend or respond, simply say, thank you.

Let’s work together. If you are looking to grow or get unstuck and cut the time to action to six months or less, there is no better time than now to contact me.

Elisa Spain