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The Gift of Feedback

March 11, 2018February 28, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Feedback is a gift. It is an opportunity for personal development and ultimately leadership development. And, it is hard; Very hard.

Not sure which is harder, giving feedback or accepting it. Recently I was with a small group of Vistage Chairs, several of us long tenured, and we were discussing this very topic. In fact, we spent a couple of hours working with each other to improve our skills at both. I mention long tenured, as a reminder to myself, that no matter how skilled we think we are at this, it is hard, and requires constant practice.

Here are the reminders I heard…

When giving feedback:

You can earn trust with truthful, specific, positive feedback (TSP as speaker, Michael Allosso, calls it)
When giving constructive feedback, ask first if the receiver is open to feedback
Even better, wait until the feedback is asked for
Own your experience, share feelings and observations; be specific
Use neutral language e.g., my experience of you… or When you do…, I feel…
Remember the purpose of feedback is to share your experience of another person, not to “fix” the other person

When receiving feedback, remember it is a gift

Ask for feedback, and be specific about the purpose, e.g., I want to become more effective at…
Listen and digest
Try not to defend or respond except to simply say, thank you.

The Quality of Bending Easily Without Breaking

March 4, 2018February 23, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

When I began this blog about flexibility, I googled the definition and the first definition that came up was this: the quality of bending easily without breaking.

Which begs the question, how can we as managers find a way to bend our expectations to accommodate different styles of work, without breaking our culture?

It’s become a new trend for CEOs to require folks, who previously worked at home, to come to the office. The reason given is culture.

But, what about the high performing employee who prefers to work on their own schedule, at least for a few days a week? What are the consequences to this person’s performance when they must adhere to this new structure?

The thing I am reminded of each day is despite our common humanity, our styles vary. Some of us like structure, others feel more comfortable with variety. While the need for flexibility is attributed as a common trait amongst millennials, my experience, as with most of our differences, is that personality style is the driver. For example, introverts prefer a quiet work environment, extroverts want people around them and want to engage throughout the day.

Which brings me back to the question, what do each of us need to do to bend our expectations and structure to accommodate different styles without breaking our culture? Perhaps if you ask, your team may have the answer.

Meditate On It

February 18, 2018February 15, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

What Do You Do When You Get Stuck?

We’ve all been there. Working on a project and we just can’t seem to get to completion. Or at least not to a completion we are satisfied with. The project could be something short term, an assignment for a client, writing the next blog, or it could be something big, perhaps a life decision.

Some of us power through, get to an acceptable answer and move on.
Some of us pause, ruminate, perhaps even beat ourselves up for not getting to the “right” answer, or even stop completely.

Whichever is your default modus operandi, I invite you to consider this one: meditate on it.

Meditation can be…

Sitting quietly in the traditional form of meditation, perhaps for a day or a week or even more, depending on the scope of the challenge.
Scheduling what one of my clients refers to as, “library time”. Scheduling time with yourself to write, to think, to plan.
Or, it could be reading something that inspires you.
Or going for a run.

Whatever it is for you, next time you get stuck, consider meditating on it…

January Reflections Part II – Bold Subtraction

January 28, 2018January 24, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As January draws to a close, and we perhaps reflect on the goals we set, perhaps even create a new habit or two like Jerry Seinfeld (January Reflections Part I), is it also time to reflect on the nature of our goals?

Most of us tend to think in terms of additions.

What new thing do we want to do?
Where do we want to go?
What new accomplishments do we want to achieve?

The challenge with adding, and not subtracting is, for most of us, there simply isn’t room. So, before you give up and join the ranks of folks exiting the gym before Valentine’s Day; or simply stop setting goals, as one of my clients recently said, “I put the same things on my goal list every year, seems silly to bother”, is it time to consider instead, a bold subtraction?

Here are some questions that may help answer the bold subtraction question:

What did I give only my time, and not my passion, to last year?
How does this answer compare to previous years?
If my passion/time ratio has declined, what do I need to do or learn to change this? Do I have the desire to make the energy and or $$ investment to do so?
If I boldly subtracted this passionless activity from my life, am I willing to go bravely forward not knowing, rather discovering, what I will replace it with?

Thoughts for the Coming Year

December 17, 2017December 15, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As we begin to wind down our business lives for the holiday season and focus on next year, I am continuing a tradition I started 2 years ago, with a wish for peace and understanding between us during the holidays and into the new year.

In this spirit, I am sharing a blog written by Linda N. Edelstein, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, Author, Professor.

Repairing the Ties that Bind

The divisions among us seem to increase daily. How do we begin to heal? How do we enter our festivities with goodwill toward all, not just toward the folks who think like we do? Since the 2016 primaries, as psychologists and psychiatrists, we have listened to people voice innumerable variations of, “I can’t talk to ….” People solve this problem differently; some opt to spend less time with family; some determinedly keep the conversation away from political and social issues; others are baffled that their family’s values of charity and religious principles co-exist with policies that lack empathy. And, then inevitably, because most people long for closeness with family and friends, we are quietly, seriously asked, “How can I talk with people who hold dramatically different values than I do” (pause) “without losing my mind?”

Our writing comes from efforts to understand the psychology of today’s politics and compile practical strategies to use. Reality might not feel friendly right now, but it is all we have. So, let go of the wishes, assumptions and expectations that you will succeed in converting people to your political point of view.

Consider a different approach. People are not coming to holiday gatherings to have their minds changed so, let’s pause in our desires to win people over to a different point of view. Let’s temporarily stop trying to find better arguments. Instead, let’s step back during the holidays and begin with engagement rather than challenge, connection rather than persuasion. Let’s simply be friendly, not to persuade but to fortify bonds that have been worn thin.

Here we go………………

● Set your frame of mind. Before you walk into a home or meeting room, set your mind to be welcoming and respectful, not neutral and certainly not hostile. Consider: You will be inviting people to share their thoughts. You will not chase anyone down or pound them with statistics.

● Listen hard. Try to understand where they are coming from. Listening is active, requires attention, and is far more difficult than talking. It is an openness to understanding another person and does not imply agreement. Consider: Don’t judge; don’t bite your tongue waiting for your turn. Just listen. Display interest. If you are uncertain, ask for clarification, “Can you say more about that?” “Do you have an example?” Use questions to increase your comprehension, not to set a trap. People long to be heard and will appreciate your time and attention.

● People have a worldview. What is the core value they are speaking about – is it Liberty? Freedom? Empathy? For example, “Everyone should own guns” isn’t just about gun ownership. Consider: The sentiment may be about feeling helpless and wanting more power. If so, respond to that, “You want to know that you can protect yourself.”

● Listen for facts and feelings. Conversations contain both, whether you’re in a group of 4 or 100. Groups are more difficult to assess because multiple points of view exist simultaneously, but there will be an emotional tone. Consider: You can respond to facts, “You didn’t get the job you wanted” or feelings, “You’re upset/angry/disappointed that you were overlooked.” For extra information, attend to body language and eye contact.

● Appreciate the power of belonging. Values are at our core and lead us to groups where we feel we belong. To change our beliefs is to risk losing our group membership, whether that is a family, political party, or religion. Consider: When you ask people to change their ideas, it can be a wrenching loss. People come to decisions when they are ready.

● Cultivate compassion. It may not help anyone else in the room, but it will do wonders for you. Compassion softens your anger and judgments. We are more similar than different; we all have insecurities, want protection from pain, and desire to belong.

● Don’t be defensive. We saved the hardest for last, but heated conversations are helped by listening first and being sure you understand the other point of view before you defend yourself, your view, or your behavior. And maybe you don’t need your turn; understanding might just be satisfying enough. We live in contentious times that have strained our ties with each other. Healing will not come from the top; it has to come from us – in whatever ways we can manage to reconnect with our families and organizations. Listening is a powerful first step. Making a concerted effort to connect and listen leaves us less overwhelmed, less isolated, and increasingly hopeful that every individual effort makes a difference.

So give it a try. It’ll be the best gift you give and receive this holiday season.

P.S. This is the last post this year, see you back here in January.

Year-End, A Time To Pause and Self-Affirm

December 10, 2017December 8, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For many of us, the end of the year is a time for self-reflection. We think about what we accomplished, and what we did not. And amongst the leaders I know, the tendency is to focus on what we missed, what can be better, what’s next? The notion that we can constantly make ourselves and our companies better, in theory, is a great idea. But when does it become too much?

For me, the best way to answer this question is to notice our strengths, the strengths of our teams and of our companies and then work to enhance them. In my Vistage work and as a leadership coach and advisor, I refer to this as discovering and working in our genius.

According to Alina Tugend, author of this New York Times article Pursuing Self-Improvement, at the Risk of Self-Acceptance, it was Dale Carnegie who ushered in the era of introspection and self-improvement.

She asserts that we have become so focused on achieving that we are never able to appreciate who we are or what we’ve already accomplished: “[W]hen we’re constantly reaching rather than occasionally being satisfied with what we have in front of us, that’s a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction.”

For me, the best way to avoid the “better, better, better” trap is to ask the following questions about ourselves, our teams and our companies:

What am I (we, they) already good at? What do I (we, they) need to do to become excellent at this?

Of the things I (we, they) are not good at and are striving to be better at, what can I (we, they) delegate to someone else?

Can I (we, they) find a way to accept being adequate or “good enough” at the rest?

Once we know and understand what we are good at, and focus on that, we not only become more effective, we become more satisfied and ultimately become better leaders of better companies.

Ego Diversification

November 19, 2017November 18, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

What does it mean to diversify your ego? Does that even make sense?

In the investment world, diversification is de rigueur. Anyone who works with an investment advisor has heard them talk about the benefits of holding a diversified portfolio. The reasons are pretty straightforward, asset classes typically move differently and when one class is underperforming, another is likely to outperform. The goal, therefore, of holding a diversified portfolio, is to achieve an overall positive return. And, even when a positive return isn’t feasible, e.g. in a significant downturn like we experienced in 2008, a diversified portfolio will still outperform a single asset class that experienced a significant loss, the S&P 500, in this example.

The concept of ego diversification is similar. If we are getting all of our identify, our ego satisfaction, from a single pursuit, what happens when something is not going well with that pursuit?

Perhaps something at work is not going well, a new customer, for example, wasn’t transitioned well and we focus all of our attention on fixing that problem. Our initial instinct often is to double down and laser focus on solving the problem.

What is the impact to our self-esteem when our gut tells us solving the problem is going to take a while?
What if instead of grinding away, heads down, for weeks or even months, we intentionally spread our attention toward positive situations, time with a happy customer, or time being in service to someone or something that matters to us?
How might the “performance” of our lives improve, if we endeavor to diversify our ego gratification all the time thereby creating a “portfolio” of pursuits that together provide satisfaction and joy?

Perspective

October 29, 2017October 27, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Last week I attended “Tribute to the Stars”, a Cara event celebrating students of achievement. The name Cara might be familiar to you, as each year on Giving Tuesday you hear from me asking you to join my match for this wonderful organization that supports people through the process of “getting their lives back”.

Every time I attend a Cara event or visit their morning motivations, I am reminded of the importance of perspective. Last week was no exception.

At this event, I was fortunate to be seated with several students, one of whom I had the opportunity to speak with for some time. His name is Kyle. Kyle started in the program a couple of months ago and I asked him what led him to Cara. He then told me that in order to continue receiving food stamps, he was required to enroll in a job training program. Kyle was fortunate to find Cara, because what Kyle realized he needed more than anything was recovery and confidence building. You see, Kyle is a Princeton and NYU graduate. When he was in his late 20’s and early 30’s, he was riding high in the investment world, too high it turns out, and now he is in recovery and starting over at 40.

I was moved by Kyle’s story, because I too come from the investment world. Had I not already become a leadership coach when he graduated NYU with his MBA, Kyle & I might have been colleagues or we might have met at an industry conference. In fact, I knew several “Kyle’s” when I worked in financial services.

We also heard from a woman named Nichelle, one of the two alumni receiving the tribute that morning. Like Kyle, Nichelle was riding high, and then she wasn’t. She had a good job and had lived in a beautiful home with her partner and her children. Nichelle shared with us how when things fell apart, she ended up living in a studio, a “box” as she called it, with her children, her partner and her partner’s kids; a total of 2 adults and 6 children in a studio. And then she asked us, “did you know that having a bedroom door is a privilege?” Today, Nichelle has her bedroom door and is well on her way to a stellar career once again, this time stronger and wiser.

Kyle and Nichelle’s stories have stayed with me. They remind me that life challenges are the great leveler. They can happen to all of us, no matter our background or education.

And that whatever we face, the good stuff and the challenges, it’s all a matter of perspective.

What Is Happening Out There?

October 22, 2017October 20, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Last week I talked about ITR‘s prediction of a slowdown beginning early 2018 resulting in a cyclical recession by February of 2019. As with every recession, Brian Beaulieu of ITR recommends that CEOs use the slowdown as an opportunity to invest in their businesses.

Sound advice.

And, what better way to determine where to make these investments than to look outside our companies, and outside familiar places for opportunities.

So often, especially during challenging times, we tend to focus inward. We look at what we are doing effectively and what we aren’t. We look at what our teams are doing effectively and what they aren’t. We look at the current competition, who we know well. In short, we tend to focus on the SW part of the classic SWOT strategic planning exercise.

What if instead we focused on opportunities and threats? What if instead we looked outside?

to imagine who our future competitors might be
or watched our customers to see what their challenges are
or benchmarked others industries to see what we can learn

I wonder where “the big three” automakers would be today if they had looked outward instead of inward when they were the dominant players?

Change is Coming..

October 15, 2017October 13, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Vistage economist, Alan Beaulieu, CEO of ITR, issued a simple warning in recent days “It’s been a good year, but there is a change coming,” he said. “Things are going to slow down.”

For those of us who follow ITR, we know the recession Beaulieu expects next year is one that he’s been forecasting for some time. To be clear, he is forecasting a normal cyclical downturn, not a deep recession.

Beaulieu expects the modestly improving economic climate will continue until February, but, he expects the U.S. industrial production index to peak in the second month of 2018. When that happens, look for things to taper off the rest of the year before turning more sharply downward in 2019.

And, here is Beulieu’s most important message, “When the downturn happens, smart company executives will use the slowdown to invest in your business, from equipment to ERP systems, from talent to technology.”

“Leadership is becoming more critical,” Beaulieu said. “Forget the noise. Lead your company with confidence. Don’t hunker down in the slowdown because that’s when it’s time to be aggressive.”

Hard advice to follow when margin and cash tighten. And, if we reflect back, we can all point to examples of leaders who followed Beaulieu’s advice during the great recession. Perhaps at the time, we questioned their wisdom, yet today we can see how they reaped the benefits during the last 10 years of prosperity.