inspiration – Page 9 – Elisa K. Spain

Thoughts for the Coming Year

December 17, 2017December 15, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As we begin to wind down our business lives for the holiday season and focus on next year, I am continuing a tradition I started 2 years ago, with a wish for peace and understanding between us during the holidays and into the new year.

In this spirit, I am sharing a blog written by Linda N. Edelstein, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, Author, Professor.

Repairing the Ties that Bind

The divisions among us seem to increase daily. How do we begin to heal? How do we enter our festivities with goodwill toward all, not just toward the folks who think like we do? Since the 2016 primaries, as psychologists and psychiatrists, we have listened to people voice innumerable variations of, “I can’t talk to ….” People solve this problem differently; some opt to spend less time with family; some determinedly keep the conversation away from political and social issues; others are baffled that their family’s values of charity and religious principles co-exist with policies that lack empathy. And, then inevitably, because most people long for closeness with family and friends, we are quietly, seriously asked, “How can I talk with people who hold dramatically different values than I do” (pause) “without losing my mind?”

Our writing comes from efforts to understand the psychology of today’s politics and compile practical strategies to use. Reality might not feel friendly right now, but it is all we have. So, let go of the wishes, assumptions and expectations that you will succeed in converting people to your political point of view.

Consider a different approach. People are not coming to holiday gatherings to have their minds changed so, let’s pause in our desires to win people over to a different point of view. Let’s temporarily stop trying to find better arguments. Instead, let’s step back during the holidays and begin with engagement rather than challenge, connection rather than persuasion. Let’s simply be friendly, not to persuade but to fortify bonds that have been worn thin.

Here we go………………

● Set your frame of mind. Before you walk into a home or meeting room, set your mind to be welcoming and respectful, not neutral and certainly not hostile. Consider: You will be inviting people to share their thoughts. You will not chase anyone down or pound them with statistics.

● Listen hard. Try to understand where they are coming from. Listening is active, requires attention, and is far more difficult than talking. It is an openness to understanding another person and does not imply agreement. Consider: Don’t judge; don’t bite your tongue waiting for your turn. Just listen. Display interest. If you are uncertain, ask for clarification, “Can you say more about that?” “Do you have an example?” Use questions to increase your comprehension, not to set a trap. People long to be heard and will appreciate your time and attention.

● People have a worldview. What is the core value they are speaking about – is it Liberty? Freedom? Empathy? For example, “Everyone should own guns” isn’t just about gun ownership. Consider: The sentiment may be about feeling helpless and wanting more power. If so, respond to that, “You want to know that you can protect yourself.”

● Listen for facts and feelings. Conversations contain both, whether you’re in a group of 4 or 100. Groups are more difficult to assess because multiple points of view exist simultaneously, but there will be an emotional tone. Consider: You can respond to facts, “You didn’t get the job you wanted” or feelings, “You’re upset/angry/disappointed that you were overlooked.” For extra information, attend to body language and eye contact.

● Appreciate the power of belonging. Values are at our core and lead us to groups where we feel we belong. To change our beliefs is to risk losing our group membership, whether that is a family, political party, or religion. Consider: When you ask people to change their ideas, it can be a wrenching loss. People come to decisions when they are ready.

● Cultivate compassion. It may not help anyone else in the room, but it will do wonders for you. Compassion softens your anger and judgments. We are more similar than different; we all have insecurities, want protection from pain, and desire to belong.

● Don’t be defensive. We saved the hardest for last, but heated conversations are helped by listening first and being sure you understand the other point of view before you defend yourself, your view, or your behavior. And maybe you don’t need your turn; understanding might just be satisfying enough. We live in contentious times that have strained our ties with each other. Healing will not come from the top; it has to come from us – in whatever ways we can manage to reconnect with our families and organizations. Listening is a powerful first step. Making a concerted effort to connect and listen leaves us less overwhelmed, less isolated, and increasingly hopeful that every individual effort makes a difference.

So give it a try. It’ll be the best gift you give and receive this holiday season.

P.S. This is the last post this year, see you back here in January.

When Is It the CEO’s Job to Create Drama?

December 3, 2017December 2, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

One of our Vistage speakers, Don Schmincke, is well known for “Discovering The Leader’s Code: Ancient Secrets For Executive Performance.”

The primary message Don drives home is the importance of having a positive Leadership Saga – because, in the absence of drama created by the leader, your team will create their own.

Supporting Don’s message, an article several years ago in Science titled Inside the Mind of a Motivated Employee describes the efforts of two sociologists at the University of Vermont who tried to better understand the rise and fall of people’s spirits. They studied the moods of 2.4 million people by analyzing the words they used in over 500 million tweets originating in 84 English-speaking countries over two years (February 2008 through January 2010).

What they found was a daily cycle of positive and negative feelings that seemed to apply consistently across cultures, geographies, and time zones. Around the world, people’s positive moods peaked in the morning (6-9 a.m.), dropped through the day until reaching a trough by mid/late-afternoon, began to pick up in late afternoon, and peaked again in the evening.

Both Don’s research and that of Science Magazine raise the following questions:

What are we doing every day, to maximize how we spend our time during the positive time of our day? (Are you reading email first thing when instead you might be working on innovation?)
What are we doing each day to create the kind of drama that reinforces the vision we have for our business and inspires our team to do great work?
What results are we likely to achieve by taking action and changing what we do each day?

Perspective

October 29, 2017October 27, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Last week I attended “Tribute to the Stars”, a Cara event celebrating students of achievement. The name Cara might be familiar to you, as each year on Giving Tuesday you hear from me asking you to join my match for this wonderful organization that supports people through the process of “getting their lives back”.

Every time I attend a Cara event or visit their morning motivations, I am reminded of the importance of perspective. Last week was no exception.

At this event, I was fortunate to be seated with several students, one of whom I had the opportunity to speak with for some time. His name is Kyle. Kyle started in the program a couple of months ago and I asked him what led him to Cara. He then told me that in order to continue receiving food stamps, he was required to enroll in a job training program. Kyle was fortunate to find Cara, because what Kyle realized he needed more than anything was recovery and confidence building. You see, Kyle is a Princeton and NYU graduate. When he was in his late 20’s and early 30’s, he was riding high in the investment world, too high it turns out, and now he is in recovery and starting over at 40.

I was moved by Kyle’s story, because I too come from the investment world. Had I not already become a leadership coach when he graduated NYU with his MBA, Kyle & I might have been colleagues or we might have met at an industry conference. In fact, I knew several “Kyle’s” when I worked in financial services.

We also heard from a woman named Nichelle, one of the two alumni receiving the tribute that morning. Like Kyle, Nichelle was riding high, and then she wasn’t. She had a good job and had lived in a beautiful home with her partner and her children. Nichelle shared with us how when things fell apart, she ended up living in a studio, a “box” as she called it, with her children, her partner and her partner’s kids; a total of 2 adults and 6 children in a studio. And then she asked us, “did you know that having a bedroom door is a privilege?” Today, Nichelle has her bedroom door and is well on her way to a stellar career once again, this time stronger and wiser.

Kyle and Nichelle’s stories have stayed with me. They remind me that life challenges are the great leveler. They can happen to all of us, no matter our background or education.

And that whatever we face, the good stuff and the challenges, it’s all a matter of perspective.

Why Do We Celebrate Labor Day?

September 3, 2017August 31, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

When the first nationally recognized Labor Day was celebrated in 1894, the day consisted of a street parade sending up a message of “the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations” (in the words of the AFL).

We have come a long way since then. Today most employers focus on offering opportunities and benefits to attract and retain talent; as a result, the need for unions has diminished and few remain.

Yet we still celebrate the day as a national holiday. Perhaps it is simply tradition, or the acknowledgment of the end of summer. Or a reminder to celebrate how far we have come as a nation of leaders and followers, where two-way communication has become much more the norm than work place “negotiations”.

So, as you enjoy your family barbecues, or however you celebrate the day, I encourage you to pause and ask yourself:

As a leader, what can I do tomorrow to let each member of my team know they are valued and are essential to our success?
As a follower, what I can do tomorrow to let my boss know what else I can do to add value to the success of our company?

With Diversity, Comes Diversity

August 20, 2017August 18, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

What does this statement even mean?

Diverse leadership teams are hard…they are harder to build, are unlikely to come to consensus and are more likely to have conflict.

So, why bother? Because… they are harder to build, are unlikely to come to consensus and are more likely to have conflict, they make better decisions. Research studies prove this out.

Before we go any further, let’s start with some definitions; here’s mine:

Homogeneous groups have similar backgrounds, preferences and personality styles
Diverse groups contain individuals with a variety of backgrounds, preferences and styles

Notice, I didn’t mention gender, race, ethnicity, sexual preference. Why? Because categorizing frequently leads to stereotyping and while stereotyping might be a shortcut to achieving diversity, it may not. In fact, it may instead simply lead to stereotyping or…

In some cases, visible diversity as in gender and race, doesn’t create a diverse team. Where backgrounds are similar, even with visible diversity, a team is likely to behave as a homogeneous group.

What to do?

As with any critical decision, start by asking yourself the #1 leadership question: What outcome do I want?

Diversity is not always the best approach. Homogeneous groups are easier. Because of their similar backgrounds, preferences and styles they are likely to agree and move forward quickly.

If the goal is getting more of what you already have, then a homogeneous group may be the way to go.
If the goal is innovation and critical thinking, you are more likely to get there with a diverse group.

If you decide you want to build a diverse team, ask yourself the following questions to get started:

Do I know the backgrounds, preferences, and styles of current team members?
What actions do I need to take to learn this information about my current team?
What are the gaps in the current team?
Who in my organization could I add to the current team to increase the diversity?
If I am hiring team members, what qualities would add to the diversity?

If you would like to read more on the results of diverse groups, here is an article by two Kellogg professors to get you started: Better Decisions Through Diversity.

What If We Meet Them Where They Are?

August 6, 2017August 4, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Most of the time, we have an agenda. Whether it is to close a deal, persuade our employees or our customers to “see the light” or simply to win.

What if instead, we simply let things unfold at their own pace?
What if instead, we seek to understand?
What if instead, we invested in understanding where they are, and meet them there?
What if instead, we recognized that our stakeholders are made up of individuals, for whom “there” may be a different place for each of them?

But wait you say, isn’t it all about having a plan? Isn’t the goal to win? Perhaps it is, and I wonder if our chances of winning go up when we stop trying to orchestrate the outcome.

What is Empathy Really?

July 9, 2017July 14, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

The dictionary defines empathy quite simply:

“It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”

And for most of us, this simple sentence describes one of life’s greatest challenges. We come at everything from our point of view. Our style combined with our backgrounds and experiences drive how we see things.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a retreat for Vistage chairs with 10+ years. We call it Keepers of the Flame. It’s a place for reflection, learning and sharing. The retreat began with a speaker from a local theatre group. His talk was about empathy. He gave us a peek into the life of an actor and drew a parallel between acting and leadership. From his perspective, what defines a successful actor is their ability to empathize with their character. To really get inside and understand their story.

Actors follow these 3 guides to becoming their character:

What if I were in their situation? What wants and fears drive who they are?
“What if” allows us to empathize even when we cannot sympathize.
And then to truly empathize, we must listen with charity.

With true empathy, our speaker said, while we may not sympathize with a murderer, we can empathize and then become the character. We begin to understand the character by asking ourselves, what wants, fears and experiences drove them to take the life of another person?

And then he challenged us, isn’t this the same with leadership? Or for that matter with all our interactions with others? If we can step outside ourselves if only for a moment, can we see the world as the person sitting across from us sees it?

How Do You Know When to Go With the Flow?

June 18, 2017June 16, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Option 1 _ Sometimes, the best thing to do is to go with the flow and let things play out.

Option 2 _ Sometimes, the best thing to do is to choose a desired outcome and lead others toward that outcome.

How do you decide?

In my experience, business owners have the tendency to choose Option 2. Owners get to decide the outcome they want and when passionate about that outcome, they choose to lead others toward it.

Similarly, professional CEOs, especially those leading PE owned companies, generally choose Option 2. They have a clear mission from the PE board, have incentives that are aligned with the board, and therefore choose to lead others toward their desired outcome, leaving as little to chance as possible.

On the other hand, my experience with executives is, it varies. And, since executives have both their careers to think about and their business to think about, they have two situations for which this choice must be made.

Some executives are willing, and actually prefer, to go with the flow, letting their owners or their boards, or their CEO decide the direction. This works best when the decision makers are in fact choosing Option 2, i.e. they are clear about the desired outcome.

But, what happens when the decision maker and those charged with implementing the decision are simply going with the flow? Is there even a direction, or simply a flow?
And, what happens when going with the flow provides financial rewards, but not psychic rewards. What then?

Everyone needs a purpose, a “why”. Some of us are comfortable deriving that purpose from others. Some of us need to set our own course.

The challenge for each of us is becoming clear which choice works for us and then putting ourselves into situations where we can be aligned with our choice.

Not Asking Has a Price Tag

June 11, 2017June 10, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

We Vistage chairs often talk about the importance of staying curious, of asking questions. Often as leaders we tell ourselves that the only “cost” of being directive vs. asking questions are soft costs. For example, we make assumptions that are wrong and have to start over when we learn we are headed in the wrong direction.

What about the hard costs of heading in the wrong direction?

What about when we as leaders, march into a new area, or start a new initiative, everyone follows, and we are headed in the wrong direction? Money is invested and then we have to start over. If only we had asked a few questions up front, we tell ourselves afterwards, the price tag associated with the failure might have been avoided.

This TED talk, titled simply, “If you want to help someone, shut up and listen!”, by Ernesto Sirolli, brings this point home in a global way. Ernesto Sirolli is a noted authority in the field of sustainable economic development and is the Founder of the Sirolli Institute, an international non-profit organization that teaches community leaders how to establish and maintain Enterprise Facilitation projects in their community.

What does this talk have to do with leadership? A lot.

What does it have to do with business? I’ll let you decide that.

Quiet

June 4, 2017June 2, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Quiet time, a luxury or a necessity? Call it meditation or simply call it quiet time. Taking time to clear the mind, we are told by our spiritual leaders, is the secret to awareness and peace. For years, perhaps centuries, we humans go to mediation classes, yogis, ashrams, the Dalai Lama, etc. in search of The Way.

More recently, our physicians have begun to tell us, meditation will lower your blood pressure, protect from cancer, manage pain and more. Mayo Clinic’s website contains this article on the health benefits of meditation.

And, in this powerful article, the author reminds us our businesses will benefit too. Because, when we think less, we think better.

Summer is a great time to experience quiet, to test this out and see if perhaps a few moments of quiet each day could add value to our lives.