communication – Page 4 – Elisa K. Spain

Here’s To The Crazy Ones…

June 3, 2018June 1, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As my regular readers know, I collect quotes, share them here and on my website. Typically I publish one quote a month, but this month you get a bonus quote.

In the last few weeks, I have been writing about listening. The quote below from Steve Jobs is a wonderful reminder that ideas only come and change only happens, when someone has the courage to speak up and disrupt the status quo and we listen to them.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Steve Jobs

Here’s to the crazy ones! I hope you are one of them and if you aren’t, that you at least have one of them working for you.

It’s All About the Experience

May 20, 2018May 18, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

My husband and I are both foodies; we love to cook and to experience food events. Recently, along with another couple, we signed up for an “underground dining experience”. We had attended one of these in the past with a young chef who was relatively new on the restaurant scene and had a wonderful time. In addition to his culinary skills, this chef was warm and engaging. We felt as though we were guests in his home.

The chef of this more recent event had previously owned a Michelin 2 star restaurant that was in business for 3.5 years. To earn 2 stars (out of a possible 3), after such a short period of time, was certainly impressive. We had not been to the restaurant, but had heard and read great things about it so we were excited to attend what we expected would be an intimate evening.

Sadly, we were disappointed. The food was meticulously prepared and tasty, i.e. technically correct in every way. But, the experience…. well it wasn’t an experience. We left saying to each other, this evening was about one thing, the chef making money after the restaurant closed.

Despite emails admonishing us to arrive early (we all did), we were seated 45 minutes after arrival, and then were rushed out so they could prepare for their second seating. The chef did not engage with the guests, the courses were served, he gave an explanation of the ingredients, without flourish, and then went back to the kitchen.

So what, you may be saying, why do I care?

Care is exactly what was missing and, care is exactly what he reminded me is critical to delivering an experience to our customers. Technically correct is simply that and it is not enough. What we as humans want is engagement and care. We don’t do business with companies, we do business with people. And it is in that human connection that we must deliver and receive delight.

In short, it’s all about the experience. Without engagement, all we have is a transaction. No matter how technically correct the delivery is, it will never achieve the value one is willing to pay for a true experience.

Listen, Please

April 22, 2018April 20, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As leaders we are problem solvers. In fact, problem solving is a key strength required in a leader. And yet, sometimes, the best solution is to simply listen.

When I first began working as a leadership coach, I believed that my role was always to motivate my client toward action. While I still believe action is required to achieve results, I have also learned that, sometimes, it’s best to just listen.

Sometimes all a person wants is the opportunity to think out loud. And for us, as the listener, to do just that. To simply listen, not offer advice, perhaps ask a question or two and then allow them to sit with their own questions, their own reflections, and come to their own answers. And sometimes, at first, being heard is enough. Perhaps at a later date, it’s time for action.

Why Work with a Coach?

April 15, 2018April 12, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For CEOs, the answer to this question is usually easy, the personal and professional gains a CEO expects from coaching usually have a direct correlation with results in their business.

For a senior executive, the question is more complex, because in addition to the relationship between the coach and the executive, there is the relationship between the executive and his/her manager.

As with most things, getting clear upfront about your intentions and expectations will yield better results. Here are some questions to consider if you are a senior executive with the desire to work with a coach:

Is coaching for your general professional development?
Or are there specific expectations that coaching is expected to address and that you will be accountable for?
What is the contract between you and your coach?
What is the contract between you and your sponsoring manager?
As the executive in coaching, how will I demonstrate or communicate progress to my manager?
If you have a sponsoring manager, i.e. the company is paying for your coaching, how does your manager want to be kept informed of progress?

The Gift of Feedback

March 11, 2018February 28, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Feedback is a gift. It is an opportunity for personal development and ultimately leadership development. And, it is hard; Very hard.

Not sure which is harder, giving feedback or accepting it. Recently I was with a small group of Vistage Chairs, several of us long tenured, and we were discussing this very topic. In fact, we spent a couple of hours working with each other to improve our skills at both. I mention long tenured, as a reminder to myself, that no matter how skilled we think we are at this, it is hard, and requires constant practice.

Here are the reminders I heard…

When giving feedback:

You can earn trust with truthful, specific, positive feedback (TSP as speaker, Michael Allosso, calls it)
When giving constructive feedback, ask first if the receiver is open to feedback
Even better, wait until the feedback is asked for
Own your experience, share feelings and observations; be specific
Use neutral language e.g., my experience of you… or When you do…, I feel…
Remember the purpose of feedback is to share your experience of another person, not to “fix” the other person

When receiving feedback, remember it is a gift

Ask for feedback, and be specific about the purpose, e.g., I want to become more effective at…
Listen and digest
Try not to defend or respond except to simply say, thank you.

It’s All About The Ride

January 7, 2018January 4, 2018 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Occasionally there are small moments in life that leave a lasting impact. As I think about my intentions for the new year, I am reminded of one of those small incidents, years ago. I was sitting on a bench at the old Union Station. An old man sat down next to me and we engaged in conversation. I asked him where he was headed and he replied with glee, “San Francisco!”

“Wow”, I said, “that is a long way to go on the train.” His reply: “There is as much fun in getting there as there is in being there.”

This man’s answer has stayed with me and I often think of him in these situations:

When I am too focused on getting to the outcome
When it’s time to pause
When it’s time to remember to be in the moment

In The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World, by Desmond Tutu and Dalai Lama, these two amazing seers, inspire us with their tales of being in the moment and experiencing joy, even in the face of adversity.

I wonder if my traveling acquaintance, from many years ago, realized that he had seized on the secret to joy.

Perhaps something to consider in the new year?

Thoughts for the Coming Year

December 17, 2017December 15, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As we begin to wind down our business lives for the holiday season and focus on next year, I am continuing a tradition I started 2 years ago, with a wish for peace and understanding between us during the holidays and into the new year.

In this spirit, I am sharing a blog written by Linda N. Edelstein, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, Author, Professor.

Repairing the Ties that Bind

The divisions among us seem to increase daily. How do we begin to heal? How do we enter our festivities with goodwill toward all, not just toward the folks who think like we do? Since the 2016 primaries, as psychologists and psychiatrists, we have listened to people voice innumerable variations of, “I can’t talk to ….” People solve this problem differently; some opt to spend less time with family; some determinedly keep the conversation away from political and social issues; others are baffled that their family’s values of charity and religious principles co-exist with policies that lack empathy. And, then inevitably, because most people long for closeness with family and friends, we are quietly, seriously asked, “How can I talk with people who hold dramatically different values than I do” (pause) “without losing my mind?”

Our writing comes from efforts to understand the psychology of today’s politics and compile practical strategies to use. Reality might not feel friendly right now, but it is all we have. So, let go of the wishes, assumptions and expectations that you will succeed in converting people to your political point of view.

Consider a different approach. People are not coming to holiday gatherings to have their minds changed so, let’s pause in our desires to win people over to a different point of view. Let’s temporarily stop trying to find better arguments. Instead, let’s step back during the holidays and begin with engagement rather than challenge, connection rather than persuasion. Let’s simply be friendly, not to persuade but to fortify bonds that have been worn thin.

Here we go………………

● Set your frame of mind. Before you walk into a home or meeting room, set your mind to be welcoming and respectful, not neutral and certainly not hostile. Consider: You will be inviting people to share their thoughts. You will not chase anyone down or pound them with statistics.

● Listen hard. Try to understand where they are coming from. Listening is active, requires attention, and is far more difficult than talking. It is an openness to understanding another person and does not imply agreement. Consider: Don’t judge; don’t bite your tongue waiting for your turn. Just listen. Display interest. If you are uncertain, ask for clarification, “Can you say more about that?” “Do you have an example?” Use questions to increase your comprehension, not to set a trap. People long to be heard and will appreciate your time and attention.

● People have a worldview. What is the core value they are speaking about – is it Liberty? Freedom? Empathy? For example, “Everyone should own guns” isn’t just about gun ownership. Consider: The sentiment may be about feeling helpless and wanting more power. If so, respond to that, “You want to know that you can protect yourself.”

● Listen for facts and feelings. Conversations contain both, whether you’re in a group of 4 or 100. Groups are more difficult to assess because multiple points of view exist simultaneously, but there will be an emotional tone. Consider: You can respond to facts, “You didn’t get the job you wanted” or feelings, “You’re upset/angry/disappointed that you were overlooked.” For extra information, attend to body language and eye contact.

● Appreciate the power of belonging. Values are at our core and lead us to groups where we feel we belong. To change our beliefs is to risk losing our group membership, whether that is a family, political party, or religion. Consider: When you ask people to change their ideas, it can be a wrenching loss. People come to decisions when they are ready.

● Cultivate compassion. It may not help anyone else in the room, but it will do wonders for you. Compassion softens your anger and judgments. We are more similar than different; we all have insecurities, want protection from pain, and desire to belong.

● Don’t be defensive. We saved the hardest for last, but heated conversations are helped by listening first and being sure you understand the other point of view before you defend yourself, your view, or your behavior. And maybe you don’t need your turn; understanding might just be satisfying enough. We live in contentious times that have strained our ties with each other. Healing will not come from the top; it has to come from us – in whatever ways we can manage to reconnect with our families and organizations. Listening is a powerful first step. Making a concerted effort to connect and listen leaves us less overwhelmed, less isolated, and increasingly hopeful that every individual effort makes a difference.

So give it a try. It’ll be the best gift you give and receive this holiday season.

P.S. This is the last post this year, see you back here in January.

Year-End, A Time To Pause and Self-Affirm

December 10, 2017December 8, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For many of us, the end of the year is a time for self-reflection. We think about what we accomplished, and what we did not. And amongst the leaders I know, the tendency is to focus on what we missed, what can be better, what’s next? The notion that we can constantly make ourselves and our companies better, in theory, is a great idea. But when does it become too much?

For me, the best way to answer this question is to notice our strengths, the strengths of our teams and of our companies and then work to enhance them. In my Vistage work and as a leadership coach and advisor, I refer to this as discovering and working in our genius.

According to Alina Tugend, author of this New York Times article Pursuing Self-Improvement, at the Risk of Self-Acceptance, it was Dale Carnegie who ushered in the era of introspection and self-improvement.

She asserts that we have become so focused on achieving that we are never able to appreciate who we are or what we’ve already accomplished: “[W]hen we’re constantly reaching rather than occasionally being satisfied with what we have in front of us, that’s a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction.”

For me, the best way to avoid the “better, better, better” trap is to ask the following questions about ourselves, our teams and our companies:

What am I (we, they) already good at? What do I (we, they) need to do to become excellent at this?

Of the things I (we, they) are not good at and are striving to be better at, what can I (we, they) delegate to someone else?

Can I (we, they) find a way to accept being adequate or “good enough” at the rest?

Once we know and understand what we are good at, and focus on that, we not only become more effective, we become more satisfied and ultimately become better leaders of better companies.

When Is It the CEO’s Job to Create Drama?

December 3, 2017December 2, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

One of our Vistage speakers, Don Schmincke, is well known for “Discovering The Leader’s Code: Ancient Secrets For Executive Performance.”

The primary message Don drives home is the importance of having a positive Leadership Saga – because, in the absence of drama created by the leader, your team will create their own.

Supporting Don’s message, an article several years ago in Science titled Inside the Mind of a Motivated Employee describes the efforts of two sociologists at the University of Vermont who tried to better understand the rise and fall of people’s spirits. They studied the moods of 2.4 million people by analyzing the words they used in over 500 million tweets originating in 84 English-speaking countries over two years (February 2008 through January 2010).

What they found was a daily cycle of positive and negative feelings that seemed to apply consistently across cultures, geographies, and time zones. Around the world, people’s positive moods peaked in the morning (6-9 a.m.), dropped through the day until reaching a trough by mid/late-afternoon, began to pick up in late afternoon, and peaked again in the evening.

Both Don’s research and that of Science Magazine raise the following questions:

What are we doing every day, to maximize how we spend our time during the positive time of our day? (Are you reading email first thing when instead you might be working on innovation?)
What are we doing each day to create the kind of drama that reinforces the vision we have for our business and inspires our team to do great work?
What results are we likely to achieve by taking action and changing what we do each day?

What is a Big Deal to Some, Leaves Others Scratching Their Heads

October 1, 2017September 19, 2017 by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

In this increasingly sensitized world we live in, we find ourselves in a place of wondering. Wondering, how what we say will be interpreted.

And on the receiving end, we may be offended by comments from others and wonder at a minimum, how could this person have been so insensitive.

Layer on to this, differences in cultures and while some may hear a comment as a big deal, the sender may be left scratching their head. For me the solution lies in dialogue and seeking first to understand. Understand what others are sensitive to and what life experience may have led them to feel as they do and understand why others may be left scratching their heads.

Sometimes, it seems so obvious, and yet it isn’t. By way example, Trevor Noah shares this story in his recent autobiography.

According to Noah, in South Africa, where he is from, children are taught that Hitler was a powerful man, the atrocities he committed are left out of the history lesson. He goes on to say, black South Africans often name their children after “great leaders”, emphasizing that great does not necessarily mean good. With this background in mind, Noah shares a story of a friend of his named Hitler. Yes, that is his given name, not a nickname.

As young adults, Trevor and Hitler are entertainers, Trevor is a DJ and Hitler is a dancer. The two of them are invited to perform at a school in a white neighborhood that turns out to also be a Jewish neighborhood. When Trevor introduces Hitler to the stage to dance, the room falls silent. Trevor doesn’t understand why and carries on with his spiel using Hitler’s name over and over.

Finally a teacher comes on stage and demands they leave. An argument ensures, the teacher is horrified that “you people” had the indecency to come here. Trevor hears “you people” as black people, and both are horrified and offended. Trevor and Hitler leave and it isn’t until years later when Trevor travels outside of South Africa that he understands what happened that day.

When I read this, I was struck by the absurdity and was reminded that we must always assume positive intent, hard to do, and so important especially today.