Boundaries Do Have Consequences

As leaders in the 24×7 culture of the 21st century, we all must set boundaries. And they are different for each of us. Some of us like to stay at the office until the work for the day is completed and separate work time from family or play time. Some of us like to be connected all the time, handling things as they come up. These folks prefer a more integrated life rather than a separation. Still, others want to be home in the early evening and choose to “catch up” later on when everyone in their family has gone to bed.

There is no right or wrong; some of it is generational, some of it is just personal preference. And, what I have noticed, in the years I have been coaching executives, is that regardless of preference, setting boundaries is something many people struggle with. And people with young children struggle the most. People with families often agree to boundaries, rather than set boundaries between work and family; and they often forget to set aside time for themselves or agree to boundaries imposed upon them.

This is not a new subject; it is talked about and written about a lot. What I don’t hear discussed, as much, is the consequences of setting boundaries. For the sake of our loved ones, our health, or emotional health, we all must set boundaries that meet our needs. And, what I have come to realize is with very few exceptions, these boundaries have consequences. Sometimes the work doesn’t get done, sometimes our families are hurt or disappointed and sometimes the cost is economic, the customer goes elsewhere or we must leave our position and take one that allows us to live the boundaries we want, perhaps with lower compensation.

The question is, can we be intentional about choosing, so that we knowingly pay a cost we are willing to pay, rather than suffer a cost that we were neither expecting nor prepared to pay?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Alignment: What’s In It For Me?

By now, you may have heard about the Jet Blue experiment, the gist of which was… on a recent flight, they gave away a free ticket to anywhere Jet Blue flies, as along as everyone on the plane agreed on the destination.

Frankly I was surprised to learn that the passengers all agreed and tickets were given away; after all it is a random group of people with different travel experiences and desires. Upon reflection, I realized that what happened was every single person on the plane was willing to give up something to get something. While it might appear that it was, sacrifice for the greater good, what was really taking place was sacrifice for self-interest.

It caused me to wonder how leaders might apply this same social experiment to gaining alignment in their companies. Here are my wonderings:

  • Are leaders who clearly articulate their vision offering a similar choice of destination?
  • If a leader also offers the actions that go with the vision, is this the ticket?
  • When the leader articulates, what is in it for each person, individually, is that the route to alignment?
  • Has the Jet Blue experiment demonstrated the true definition of alignment? Is it simply I am willing to give up something to get something, and if that something is the same for all of us, we have alignment?

The challenge, of course, is getting all this down to a simple statement of the end game and what each participant must do to get there.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Take A Break And Grow Your Company

Sometimes when life feels overwhelming, our instinctive reaction is to work more. This is especially true when our personal lives are demanding more of our attention; we feel we have to make up for that time, so as not to fall behind.

And, yet, I wonder if the counterintuitive response is to instead, take a break. Perhaps take more than one break. Go for a walk, go to the gym, meditate, do a few yoga poses, or simply sit quietly and take a few breaths.

And with that clearer mind the break provides, pause and think about what falls within Steven Covey’s four quadrants of time management. Most importantly, ask ourselves, is everything that feels urgent, truly important? Or is it urgent because we have lost our perspective, and are working “off the top”? In short, what is on our plate that can best be ignored, at least for now.

I remember years ago traveling with one of my colleagues. I had my files all spread out and was busy working on the plane. My colleague was sitting a few rows back, eating an apple. At the time, I thought, “well how unproductive she is; this is a great time to catch up”.

I have thought of that scene on the airplane many times in my life. It didn’t take me long to realize she chose the smarter option. The reality – business travel is exhausting; why not arrive refreshed and ready to take on the challenges of the day?

And, even if you aren’t actually traveling to the next truly important event (be it urgent or even better the important, non-urgent), why not approach it with a fresh and healthy mind and body?

The result may very well be the insight and action needed to grow your company.

 

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Achieve No Goal Before It Is Time

Once well-known brand, Paul Masson wine, is best remembered for its 1970s marketing association with Orson Wells, who promised for Masson: “We will sell no wine before its time.” In this ad, Wells is discovered by the camera listening to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, “It took Beethoven four years to write that symphony” Wells says, “Some things can’t be rushed. Good music… and good wine”.

According to one of the members of my Vistage CEO group, the same applies to goals. He says, “it’s the goal that matters, not the timeline. If you don’t achieve your goal in the time frame you set, and it’s something important to you, then change the timeline, not the goal”.

Not unlike my blog,  Let It Rest a couple of weeks ago, the message here is, let things unfold at their own pace. It’s hard sometimes to know when to activate, and when to simply pause and wait. Sometimes we want something so badly that we work and work to achieve our goal. What I have learned from observing successful leaders is they recognize what is in their control and what is not. And, they proceed accordingly; sometimes simply waiting for the right time to reengage, and reactivate.

Steve Jobs is famous for delaying the production of, and ultimately the release of products, until he was satisfied that the design met his goal. While he is perceived as an innovator, Apple was never the first mover. The first IPhone-like device was called the Treo. It did a lot of what the first IPhone did, but not well. Steve and his team took their time developing a better product. Steve is reputed to have sent his product development team back to the drawing board, time after time, to get the design exactly as he wanted it, i.e. just one button.

So, when setting your goals for your next product launch, next division, next business opportunity, remember Beethoven and Jobs. And, achieve no goal before it is time, better an IPhone than a Treo.

 

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Let It Rest

As leaders, most of us are action oriented. Something crosses our desk, we deal with it. An issue comes up with a customer, a vendor, an employee, we take action. And, sometimes it’s best to simply let it rest.

What?? Isn’t that avoidance or procrastination or fear of confrontation or, or, or?

  • Sometimes action is needed, and sometimes nothing is needed.
  • Sometimes, that annoying email doesn’t require a response.
  • Sometimes, when a negotiation stalls the best tactic is to leave it be, or
  • If the other side has already done that, let it rest.
  • Sometimes, doing nothing is simply the best strategy.

Two quick stories from two CEO’s I know:

First, a long term negotiation on a contract has gone on for several years. As an outsider looking in, one might wonder, why not bring this to closure. And, then we learn, it’s been 20 years of negotiation, minimal dollars spent, many thousands at stake. Even if it eventually settles, the present value of the money saved alone justifies the long process.

Another CEO negotiating with a former operating partner, still an owner. Sure would be nice to close that loose end, icky to have a former partner still a voting member. And then we learn, the former partner is in bankruptcy; looks like the CEO is going to pick up those shares at a significantly lower cost.

As Kenny Rogers says so well in the Gambler… “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away.”

For me it’s a reminder to pause, before I pick up the phone or write that email on the matter I feel an urgency to resolve.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

When Giving Feedback, Be Aware Of Your Executive Presence

Vistage speaker, Michael Allosso, visited both of my groups this week. His workshop, “You On Your Best Day“, is a wonderful experiential reminder of both what it means to have executive presence and when we have it, what it takes to use this presence effectively.

Executive presence, as defined by the Center for Talent Innovation, is a combination of the visuals; appearance, posture and dress; communication skills: words, body language, vocal tone; and gravitas or commands respect.

Once you have acquired this presence, Michael reminds us that without a dose of humility, confidence or presence alone often can create a perception of arrogance and can be intimidating. The result can be that feedback can be heard as criticism creating resistance rather than encouraging development and improvement.

So, what to do….

  • Back to Socrates from last week’s post: Socrates Was So Wise – begin with a question. Perhaps the first question may be, “Is this a good time to discuss X”?;  “Are you open to feedback on another way to think about this?”
  • Check in with your history with this person. Have you given enough of what Michael calls TSP in the past to earn the right to give constructive feedback? (TSP – truthful, specific, positive feedback, with emphasis on the specific, so the person knows that you respect them and their work)
  • Check in with how your feedback is landing. Watch the other person’s body language. Is your feedback landing as intended? If not, perhaps it is time for another question, such as “I am noticing… what is going on for you in this conversation; what are you hearing?”

In short, while it is the listener’s responsibility to hear feedback and take it in Accepting Feedback, it is the speaker’s responsibility, especially when the speaker is in a power role, also to listen, notice and provide feedback in a manner in which it can be heard.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

 

Socrates Was So Wise

I have become convinced the Socratic Method is the secret to business success. In short, the answer is in the question. By asking better questions, we enable others to come to their own resolutions. Most of us in business are problem solvers, and often the answer to someone else’s problem or challenge seems obvious to us. Therefore, we rush in with advice, without stopping and asking questions. What I have learned, and continue to remind myself of daily, is that by asking more poignant questions, the resulting answer may not only be better, it may also be different than what we perceived as obvious before we asked. And most important, eureka only comes when a person discovers their own answer.

Following is a quote from one of my CEO members that, to me, captures the essence:

“I had a very interesting life lesson yesterday. Another member was leading and that was probably a little difficult for me to have someone else in charge. Once I accepted my role and decided to listen instead of work hard to offer my opinion, my perception of how I could add value changed drastically. I remember that Elisa said, ‘work to ask questions and not just offer suggestions’. I struggle with that as I always want to solve other people’s problems for them. It’s like counseling. The counselor never seems to tell you your problem; they just keep asking questions until you have the realization and state it yourself. That always bugged me. I now realize that until someone deeply understands their own problem, they will not take action nor will they truly support any action that they do take based on another’s understanding. I think I got more value out of the meeting than any other person in the room. That value was directly linked to not talking”.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

We Are Bound By What We Know

Ah, the wonder of a child. We hear all the time that all children are creative, all children are artists; and then something happens as adults and we self-select into those who are creative and artistic, and those who are not.

I wonder how much of this is because as adults we are bound by what we know. The more we bring our knowledge and experience to a given circumstance, the more likely we are to miss an opportunity to look with the fresh eyes of a child. On the other hand, knowledge often equals wisdom, the ability to learn from experience and therefore make better choices.

So, how do we know when we are bringing wisdom and when we are bringing limiting beliefs to a given situation? Perhaps these questions can help:

  1. Is what I am about to do something I have done before and if so, is my previous experience relevant?
  2. If it is something new, is my previous experience truly relevant, or is it holding me back?
  3. Am I uncomfortable with taking on something new and therefore looking for knowledge that will justify my discomfort?
  4. What if I suspended judgement and argued for a reason to say yes?
  5. What if I suspended judgement and argued for a reason to say no?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

 

Ah, The Power Of Retrospection

As part of the big purge, I had a wonderful realization. Looking back, all that stuff that seemed so important, turns out… really isn’t. If only we, especially as leaders, could see this prospectively.

And, we can. Once again, it is a matter of pausing. Simply stopping and asking the following questions:

  1. Does what I am about to do, need doing? I find this one is particularly important to ask about the stuff that seems urgent, which leads to the second question.
  2. Does what I am about to do, need doing, right now? I find, I must make a case to myself why it’s not urgent or I will just do it. In short, life really is not an emergency.
  3. If it really does need doing, am I the right person to do it? The question isn’t will I do it better, it’s what is the best use of my time. And, if I do delegate it, can I do it with a realistic, rather than a now deadline?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Is It Empty Or Filled With Possibilities?

 

For the last month or so, my husband and I have been purging, shredding, scanning, throwing away, and donating stuff. We decided to welcome the new year with less.

For me, less stuff opens up possibilities. Less stuff gives us the freedom to go where we want, if we want, now or in the future. The way I see it, getting rid of stuff opens up space; space to expand and to more easily see and access the things that bring me joy; and in some cases, exchange the old for the new.

For others, stuff is what connects us to the past. Without stuff tightly filling a space, rather than an opening, there is a void, a loss to mourn or a fear of what the future might hold.

Opportunity or emptiness? Abundance or scarcity? These are questions to ask ourselves, as we choose to lighten our collection of stuff (or not).

What Our Vistage Members Want You to Know

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain