What Exactly Is Vulnerability?

by Elisa Spain2 Comments

 

I have received several comments about last week’s blog, so I thought I would continue the dialogue.

Here are some of the questions:

  • Does vulnerability have to mean showing emotion?
  • It’s okay for a woman to have tears and talk about feelings, but still not okay for men?
  • What’s the difference between showing vulnerability and showing weakness?
  • How do we, as leaders, coach the leaders we work with on how to show up both confident and vulnerable?

Great questions. In fact, this was a discussion at my last Vistage CEO meeting and here are a few of the stories I heard from them and from others who responded to my blog. Please share yours.

“I was a relatively new leader of a high growth business. We missed our numbers one year, and up in the front of the room, I teared up when I shared the news to my team. I definitely felt shame.. and the team rallied, each leader coming up to me to commit to what they would do to make sure it didn’t happen again.”

“Having entered the two most emotionless organizations -West Point at age 18 and Marines at age 22-, in some way hardened me to emotional outward signs, and especially as a small unit infantry combat commander in Vietnam; we had to suppress and not show any emotions despite what we may have felt internally. The problem being that to show emotions to the 18-19 year old young Marines that we led wasn’t viewed as something commanders did and we worried that emotions might enter into the brutal things we had to do in the infantry…. In our generation it wasn’t considered ‘Marine like’ to show emotion—which of course led many of us to suppress PTSD feelings.”

“I have been working on culture in my company. Frustrated with the lack of progress, I stood up in front of the entire leadership team, all levels, and told my personal story, my values, my expectations of myself as a leader. Wow, what an impact it had; people began to ‘get it’. And yet, I discovered that my two senior leaders, both women, struggled with this. They said they work hard to be “professional” and to them showing or talking about feelings was weak and unprofessional.”

For all leaders, it is important to have followers trust our message. As such, there is a fine line between appearing vulnerable, yet confident, and appearing weak.  These stories speak to different ways to address this challenge.

For me it’s something like this,

 

Vulnerable is I am human, I make mistakes, I admit them, I learn from them and I move on
Weak is I am uncertain, I don’t trust myself, I don’t know what to do.

 

Is There A Place For Vulnerability In Leadership?

by Elisa Spain1 Comment

 

Over and over again, I have witnessed the power of vulnerability. A leader is up in front of the room and shows emotion, feels shame, and then discovers people are drawn to him or her instead. I have experienced the feeling myself, and I have been one of the people in the room, when the person in front was “real”.

After all, isn’t authenticity what showing vulnerability is all about? Simply allowing others to see and feel how we feel?

Giving them a chance to say, “me too” and empathize.

Brene’ Brown argues that one cannot have innovation and creativity without vulnerability. It’s the willingness to take risks that is at the root of our willingness to be vulnerable. Said another way, it is the courage to be wrong, and then wrong again, that leads to discovery, that leads to innovation.

And when a person who took the risks was wrong, and then wrong again, and then achieves success, shares their journey, the impact can be all the more powerful. Often when we look in the mirror, we see our vulnerabilities and when others look, they see our success.

We are all in transition, all on a journey through this thing called life. And we are each in a different place on the journey. When those of us in leadership roles, who may be perceived as “having it all”, share our real stories, we inspire others to join the journey.

 

Elisa K. Spain

Problem Solving Or Management?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Continuing the theme of execution:

As leaders and managers, we have been taught to find the root cause and fix the problem.  And, in my experience, some problems can’t be “solved” (and, hopefully, made to go away) – they must be managed and may require the leader’s repetitive attention and time.

For me the key word here is repetition. For anything to be sustainable, it must be repeated. We humans get distracted, forget what we learned and have to be reminded. This is what Vistage is all about. Our members hear from a speaker 8 times a year. Do you really think each speaker brings something new to the table? Rather, they often are reinforcing a similar message. And, we hear the message differently depending on where we are in our lives and our businesses at the time. An entrepreneur leading a start-up will hear a leadership message differently 10 years later when he or she is challenged with building a leadership team that will lead to a sustainable enterprise.

I asked one of our long term Vistage members recently if he had ever considered leaving Vistage. His answer was “never, I learn something at every meeting, every one-to-one.” He leads a highly successful, high growth business. My belief is he learns something new each time, because he comes ready to listen each time.

The same is true for the people that work for us. Some problems can’t be solved, because things happen. Life isn’t static and our businesses and our processes aren’t static. I frequently talk about the DIME Method: Design, Implement, Monitor, Evaluate. For me the repetition speaks to the Monitor and Evaluate part of the continuum. As problems get solved and things change, we must monitor, evaluate and then design again.

As you mull over this idea that problems can’t be solved, I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:

  • When was the last time I monitored or evaluated the systems I have in place?
  • Are we doing things, “because that’s the way we have always done it”?
  • Am I ready to look and listen with fresh eyes to what I have heard and seen before?

 

Elisa K. Spain

 

 

The War For Talent (Or Is It A War ON Talent?)

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Two important statistics begin this discussion…

  • Starting in 2016, more people will be leaving the workforce than entering it
  • By 2020, 46% of all U.S. workers are predicted to be Gen Y

Thus the foundation for the war for talent, or what my friends at large companies are calling, ‘the war on talent’, as in competitors targeting and soliciting our top talent.

Not since World War II, when soldiers were leaving the workforce to fight, have we experienced a shrinking workforce. Moreover, with millennials soon representing 46% of the talent, this war for talent must be fought strategically, with different methods and different incentives than before.

Continuing the theme of execution as the driver of success and hiring the right people being a key part of execution, successful leaders are taking a two-pronged approach, focused on retention of older workers AND attraction, retention and incentives for younger workers.

In short, the war for talent is a competitive war with the same goal as winning business, i.e. getting your unfair share of the market.

We have begun conversations in all my Vistage groups on this topic. Here are some creative actions I am hearing; please share yours.

  • Apprenticeship – once reserved for the trades, today Vistage members are starting to create positions for apprentices to learn the expertise of seasoned executives before they retire.
  • Project Time – Google began this practice as part of their innovation culture; other companies are adopting a variation to give millennials the opportunity to make an impact early in their careers.
  • Social Impact  – Gone are the days when matching contributions are enough; companies who make a social impact attract Gen Y workers.
  • Long Term Incentives – As young executives start families, companies that offer “golden handcuffs”  retain their executives through the business cycles. While common in the large corporate world, these incentives are beginning to show up in middle market companies. Offerings include deferred compensation, stock options and stock grants.

 

Elisa K. Spain

Vision Is Not Enough…

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Successful leaders have both vision and execution.

Lots of people have great ideas, and in my experience, it’s execution that creates success.  Why ‘Big Picture Only’ Leaders Fail.

And, what exactly defines execution? Last week, I began a conversation about one of the key components of execution – Capacity: Is It Capacity Or Is It Making Choices?

Continuing that theme, equally important to execution is Focus.

Successful leaders know they must set a vision – so there is a destination that their team can rally around. Once the vision is defined, they work with their team to set a business strategy to achieve the vision and then, they and their teams….

Focus, Focus, Focus on what needs to happen to get from here to there.

Successful leaders are able to tune out distractions and focus on moving forward. They have the ability to differentiate between a distraction and important new information and act accordingly. They know what needs to get done, how to do it and, they have the ability to inspire their teams to stay focused and avoid fatigue when things don’t move at the pace they want.

More on execution in coming weeks.

Elisa K. Spain

 

Who Gets To Decide?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

Just about every leadership book and every leadership speaker talks about the importance of allowing people to fail. The concept is: true delegation does not occur unless and until I allow people to make their own decisions, take their own risks and succeed or fail on their own.

Easy to say, hard to do, on so many levels. Some of the common questions are:

  • How much risk should I allow them to take?
  • What if I am certain they are making the wrong decision; a decision that is going to cost me money, put the company at risk, put the person at risk, etc. How can I simply look away and allow the failure to occur?
  • How many failures are okay?

Lately, I have come to realize this question, who gets to decide, applies in our business life and in our personal lives. It applies to our children and to our aging parents. Just recently this realization was brought home to me with the following stories.

The teenage son of a friend is more focused on sports than on his homework, a familiar story. Mom says, “we have to make him do his homework”. Thus ensures a fight between mom and son. Dad says, “let him suffer the consequences if he chooses not to do his homework”. Who gets to decide? Who is “right”?

The 89 year old father of a friend has cancer. His actions indicate he is confused about what he wants. He says he is willing to get treatment, but he misses his appointments. He lives alone and refuses a live-in caregiver, or even a visiting caregiver. Prior to the diagnosis, he was cognitively in fine shape. Son says, “we have to make him go for his treatments”.  Daughter says, “if he wants to be alone, doesn’t attend his appointments, doesn’t return the doctor’s phone calls, it’s his decision to make, not ours”.

Back to the three questions above…

  • How much risk should I allow them to take?
  • What if I am certain they are making the wrong decision, a decision that is going to cost me money. How can I simply look away and allow the failure to occur?
  • How many failures are okay?

Which choice is the more courageous one? Who gets to decide?

Elisa K. Spain

Is It Good Enough?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

How often do we notice something, point it out and then regret it later; wishing we had kept quiet? 

How often do we wait for more information, or better information, and miss an opportunity?

There is both a time factor and a human factor to achieving results. We often wait too long, strive for that final 5%, hoping to have perfect info upon which to base our decision.  

Or, instead of building up the confidence of the person doing the job, we ask for one more change, one more fix and lose sight of appreciating what has already been accomplished.

In our quest for excellence, sometimes we forget that perfection and excellence are not the same. Excellence sometimes is simply knowing what to accept as good enough and what to overlook.

Here’s an idea…

Today, instead of looking around your office, your plant, or your long to-do list and noticing what is missing:

  • What if instead, you noticed a critical item that is working and gave someone specific, positive feedback?
  • And, decided to overlook something less important, that may not be exactly what you wanted, but is really good enough?

 

 

Elisa K. Spain

 

Leadership Is Often About Being Uncomfortable

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

What?? How can leadership be about being uncomfortable? Isn’t confidence a key characteristic of leadership? Yes and…. only a confident person is willing to sit with discomfort.

One of my Vistage members reminded me of this last week. We were talking about some changes he is making in his organization, specifically around allowing others to take responsibility for decisions and allowing them to succeed or fail without his intervention.

He was expressing how uncomfortable he was in doing this – his exact words were, “this is difficult, frustrating and not my happy place”. His happy place, aka his comfortable place, is as a doer. At the same time, he wants to continue to grow this business and invest in other businesses. He knows this will only come with leverage, i.e. building a leadership team and allowing them to lead without his direct oversight.

When I challenged him on his statement about being frustrated and unhappy, wondering if he was planning to go back to “doing”, he got angry. He said, “I have no plans to change anything. I am okay being uncomfortable, I am simply acknowledging that I am”.

Another reminder, happiness in the long run often requires being uncomfortable in the short-term; and having the confidence to simply be there.

 

 

Elisa K. Spain

Entrepreneurial Success Is Not About Taking Risk

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

There is a long held belief that successful entrepreneurs are high risk takers. In fact, the common lore says, “not only do they take more risks, they are successful because of it.”

Over the last 15 years I have worked with over a hundred entrepreneurs, first as a business advisor and then as a Vistage Chair. My experience tells me otherwise.

Here’s what I observe:

  • Successful entrepreneurs follow the same practices the Great by Choice CEOs follow in Jim Collins’ book.
  • They have a clear vision of where they are headed.
  • They hire top talent and their employees understand their vision.
  • They invest in opportunities that support their vision.
  • They only invest in opportunities they understand, and where they have experience or vision, that gives them reason to expect the return they are seeking.

Finally, successful entrepreneurs have an instinctive sense of timing. It is this instinct, coupled with the discipline outlined above, that sets successful entrepreneurs apart.

Perhaps to the outsider who doesn’t see what the entrepreneur sees, it is this instinct that appears as taking high risk.

 

Elisa K. Spain

 

Good Intentions…

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

 

One of the key things we learn in Vistage is the Socratic Method. Stay in a questioning mode and let people come to their own answers.

Most humans want to make a difference, have an impact somehow on others. Sometimes when we want to be in service, it is so tempting to tell others what they need to do. It seems so obvious to us. And, yet, the impact of giving advice can often have the exact opposite result.

The thing is…we all hear through our own filter and what is intended and what is heard are often not the same.

What I have learned, and continue to learn, is there is a hidden benefit of questioning, the filter becomes visible. Telling is passive; I can take it in or not; I can react or not. On the other hand, when I am asked a question, the engagement is active. I am a participant and I have the opportunity to pause and consider, rather than react and respond.