Are There Subtitles In Your Conversations?

Are There Subtitles In Your Conversations?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

2013-11-03 what_a_jerkEver wish your conversations had subtitles?

How often do we begin what seems like a casual conversation, only to realize that something has happened. Emotion has entered and we are no longer talking about the subject at hand. Yet, we keep trying to talk about the casual subject while our thoughts wander to the meta message.

There is a scene in Annie Hall that I often think about when this happens.

We see in this film clip, a classic first date, where both of them are saying one thing and thinking something totally different. Their thoughts are shown as subtitles. What makes this scene so memorable is that these subtitles or “meta messages” frequently occur in conversation, including business conversations. And, in life, there aren’t any subtitles.

In the film, Annie Hall chose to end both the conversation and the meta messages by reminding Woody Allen that he had to leave.

In my experience, the more history we have with another person, the more likely we are to step on historical land mines in the course of our conversations. Ending the conversation and continuing later is an option. If the conversation becomes heated, sometimes this is the best option. Alternatively, we have an option to pause and talk about the meta message. In other words, have a conversation about the conversation. 

‘Meta’ from Greek is a prefix which means ‘about’ or ‘beyond’.

Here’s how you might move from a conversation that’s getting difficult to a meta-conversation:

  1. Pause. Once you observe either you or the other person is feeling anything other than neutral.
  2. Name what you observe, about each of your viewpoints, e.g. I have the sense we started out talking about the agenda for our next meeting, and there is something else on the table.
  3. Follow the Vistage model, stay in a questioning mode, “What is it about the next meeting that is giving you concern?”
  4. Keep your language neutral. Stay away from the 5 “fighting words”. “You” (use I), “Always” (use frequently), “Never” (use seldom), “But” (use and) “Why” (use what).
  5. Work toward mutual understanding, rather than being right.
  6. Allow the other person to respond. I find that restating what I believe I just heard is helpful. And, then continuing to stay in a questioning mode.

And, allow the possibility that the intended conversation may have to wait until another day.

 

Elisa K. Spain

 

It Only Takes A Moment…

It Only Takes A Moment…

by Elisa Spain2 Comments

2013-10-20 Good Job iStock_000012669753XSmallAppreciation as a leadership action. As leaders, we focus on big things so naturally when it comes to appreciation, we think big; the sales contest, the celebration parties, etc. As humans, we most value specific appreciation that is directed just to us. And, most of us find it difficult to do this. We celebrate the team, we complement the team, yet we rarely notice and communicate with simple appreciative words, a carefully selected card or a note selected just for one person.

Here’s an example:

Instead of, “you did a good job on the status report”; why not say, “You did a good job creating the status report this week. I like that it was succinct and included the due dates. It helped me see what was pending and how much was due at the same time”.

The great thing about it, this simple appreciation doesn’t take any planning and costs nothing. It only takes a moment and can be done in the moment.

Who will you give a specific appreciation to today?

Elisa K. Spain

Given The Opportunity, Create An Experience…

Given The Opportunity, Create An Experience…

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Group of young people applauding and looking very happyEarlier this week, I spent two days with one of Vistage’s top speakers, Tom Searcy. Tom’s workshop is about Hunting Big Sales; What to do to Filter and Win the Big Deals. Filter, as in, know which ones to pursue and then what to do to win.

Our members take turns hosting meetings and the second day Tom joined us, the meeting was hosted by Shane Dittrich, CEO of T&D Metal. In reflecting on the day we spent at Shane’s location in Watseka IL, we were all struck by the experience he created for us. And for me, the connection between creating an experience and winning big deals.

Here’s what I observed.
The entire day was intentional and orchestrated – starting with the night before – where to stay, where to eat, the setup and planning of the meals, the transportation, and the tour. Instead of PowerPoint for a prop, Shane used vans from one of his businesses and gave a plant tour. When it came time to give his presentation, he just stood up in front of us and told us his story. And, he didn’t do it all himself, he delegated to several team members. As a result we were able to feel the culture of T&D.
‘Learnings’ for me from this…
-Intentionality yields results
-Given the opportunity to create an experience, do it
-Use real “props” rather than PowerPoint to tell your story
-Bring in your team in ways that demonstrate your culture

Elisa K. Spain

 

Oops, I Was Thinking Out Loud…

Oops, I Was Thinking Out Loud…

by Elisa Spain4 Comments

2013-08-11 iStock_000025261076XS2mallHow often have we said this to ourselves and discovered unintended consequences. As leaders we know that others are always watching what we do and listening and reacting to what we say. And, when we are with the folks in the office, in the factory or in the field, most of us are conscious of what we say and how we show up.

I wonder though, if we have this same awareness as leaders when we are with our leadership team. Or for that matter, when as members of the leadership team we are with our bosses and our colleagues. You may be thinking (silently?) so, are you saying I want to be aware of what I am saying all the time? Yikes!!

My sense is the answer is yes. When we think out loud, sometimes we create expectations, alarm or even actions that we did not intend. Recently, one of my clients shared this story: “I was sitting in my office with my VP of Operations and I was thinking out loud, wondering what we needed to do next to get to the growth goals I have. I was going on and on about my frustrations and concerns. Next day, he came back into my office and asked me if I was planning to sell the company. He apparently had gone home and thought about what I had said all night”.

I find that if I have the presence to simply say, “May I think out loud for a moment?” or “Can I just vent for a moment?”, that frames the conversation. Sometimes this pausing reminds me that it is best to simply ‘zip it’.

What has been your experience?

Elisa K. Spain

 

Leadership Development: Not Just For Women

Leadership Development: Not Just For Women

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

2013 06-03 Elisa Spain Women in Business Blog PictureLeadership Development: Not Just for Women

As part of our leadership development, my Vistage groups frequently select a book to read as a group. Recently, my Vistage Inside group chose the book, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, by Sheryl Sandburg.

 

On the day we discussed this book in my group, the first person to speak was a man. His comment was “This is not a gender issue. This book resonated for me and the challenges I have in my career”.

This book has garnered both praise and criticism and certainly puts to rest the question of whether a book can spark a debate.

The debate centers around two issues. First, given Sheryl’s wealth and position, is she truly able to advise young women? And, is she placing too much of the onus on women who are already struggling to fulfill impossible demands, and too little on government and employers to provide better child care, more flexible jobs and other concrete gains.

Having begun my career in the 1970’s, for me the book initially was a reminder that the more things change, the more they stay the same.  While certainly gender neutrality has occurred in many jobs, the executive suite is one where the numbers say otherwise.

That said, I wonder, is the question really about gender neutrality or is it about the challenges that women and men face as they navigate the path to career advancement?

I wonder if the real questions that Sheryl is suggesting we, women and men, ask are:

  • What is the path to a “seat at the table”?
  • What risks must I take?
  • What personal choices must I make to achieve career success (i.e. choice of mate, where I live, who my friends are)?

And, finally the most key question,

  •  What must I give up, to get what I want?

For more on this topic, see previous post,  Laws of Success: Perfection of The Life or Perfection of The Work

 

Elisa K. Spain

 

Last Of The Series – Leadership View #13: Balance Your Life

Last Of The Series – Leadership View #13: Balance Your Life

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

2013-07-21 iStock_000016245386XSmall


I began this series as a tribute to my friend, Marsh Carter, whose leadership has been an inspiration to me for at least 25 of the 45+ years covered in his View of Leadership. As I have written these blogs each week, using Marsh’s topic lines, it has been interesting to me how relevant Marsh’s large company experience is to the entrepreneurs  I work with each day.

For the final post in this series, I decided it is fitting that Marsh author the post, drawing this time from his experience rather than mine. 

Leadership View #13:  Balance your life – 3 legged stool analogy (balance between work, family and a strong outside interest for yourself)

Many people we’ve all known, including ourselves at times, have a tendency to regard our careers or jobs as the most important aspects of our life—this is especially true the last few years where hand held devices link us 24/7 to the office, our bosses, our employees and coworkers.  It may be more necessary now than ever before to try to balance our lives—that is, maintain a balance between our work, our families, our religion, and for our own mental health – an outside interest that treats us as an individual.

Think of your life as a three or four legged stool….when one leg is gone it won’t balance and falls over. We can’t take the pressures of work and family and go back and forth between them alone….that’s what the third leg, a completely different activity that is our individual interest alone comes in. Your third leg may be jogging, sailing, running in marathons, coaching a child’s sport, skydiving, piloting airplanes, pottery making, yoga, stamp or coin collecting…..whatever you enjoy that’s separate from work and family.

At the height of World War 2 when the pressures were immense, President Roosevelt would escape to his stamp collection, for an hour or so doing something completely different. General George Marshall would ride horseback many mornings to relieve the pressures of his job building and leading an Army of 8 million men and women.

Think about it—

  • How do you personally, if only for a short period of time, balance the pressures of work and family?
  • What is your third stool leg to balance your life?

Elisa K. Spain

 

Leadership View #12: Watch For (Perhaps Unintentional) Malicious Obedience…

Leadership View #12: Watch For (Perhaps Unintentional) Malicious Obedience…

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

2013 07-14 iStock_000000937577XSmallLeadership View #12: Watch for (perhaps unintentional) malicious obedience…

Early in my career, I learned this valuable lesson. I had the opportunity to lead a transition of a client reporting group from a fully manual process to a fully automated process. This area was the last functional area to be automated in this company (guess that tells you how long ago this was). When the previous manager left in the middle of the systems conversion, I was asked to take over.

As those of you who have led systems conversions know, it is never a smooth process and there are many long hours that are just part of the process. On one of these long nights, the senior person on the team came up and asked me how to calculate a certain number. I didn’t know the answer, and I didn’t ask him if he knew the answer, I simply guessed. And, I ass-u-me-d, he would tell me if I was wrong. See previous post, What results when leaders Ass-u-me?

In this case the result was, every report, to every customer, went out wrong. Like, I said, I learned a valuable lesson.

Perhaps in this case the obedience was intentional. My sense is, it was not. Here was a man who was overwhelmed by change, his world was being completely turned upside down. He had never used a computer in his life and suddenly his work had to be done on one. It didn’t occur to him that how he had calculated this number before was the same way to do it on the automated system.

More importantly, I didn’t ask, I told. And, I didn’t lay the ground work for my being open to being questioned, I simply ass-u-me-d he would know.

I wonder, how many of the big disasters that we read about could have been avoided by the leader asking questions and making sure the team knows he/she wants to be challenged?

As you go through your day on Monday, I encourage you to pause and notice how you respond when someone on your team asks questions, and perhaps consider answering the question with a question of your own….

Elisa K. Spain

 

Leadership View #9: An Absolute Skill Of An Effective Leader…

Leadership View #9: An Absolute Skill Of An Effective Leader…

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

2013 06-09 iStock_000001077015XSmall SunflowerLeadership View #9:

An absolute skill of an effective leader is the ability to grow and adapt.

So often we find that what has made us successful in the past, is not working for us today.

From the entrepreneur who built a successful company what I hear is, “I got here because I know my product, and I know what my customers need. Along the way I added a team and now they need leadership and management and I don’t have any experience doing that.”

From the key executive I hear, “I got to this level on my business knowledge; I have always been the expert. Now, I know I need to develop the experts below me, how do I do that?”

For me the skill of an effective leader is first recognizing the need to grow and adapt and then finding resources to help us get there. Vistage members recognize this and look to their fellow members and chair to support them on this journey. Often members take the opportunity to share their challenges with other members who may be further along on the same journey.

And…those that take the risk of letting their teams know they are learning right along with the team are those that I observe adapt the fastest. Often it is the people who report to us that help us recognize the growth we need and teach us, by asking, what we need to do to be there for them.

After all, isn’t effective leadership really about taking care of our team so that they take care of the rest?

Elisa K. Spain

 

Leadership View #6: Some Problems Can’t Be “Solved”

Leadership View #6: Some Problems Can’t Be “Solved”

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

2013 05-12 Fresh PerspectiveiStock_000019408214XSmall Leadership View #6:

Some problems can’t be “solved” (and, hopefully, made to go away) – they must be managed and may require the leader’s repetitive attention and time.

As leaders and managers, we have been taught to find the root cause and fix the problem. This Leadership View seems to fly in the face of that.

What do you mean “some problems can’t be solved”?

For me the key word here is repetition. For anything to be sustainable, it must be repeated. We humans get distracted, forget what we learned and have to be reminded. This is what Vistage is all about. Our members hear from a speaker 8 times a year. Do you really think each speaker brings something new to the table? Rather, they often are reinforcing a similar message. And, we hear the message differently depending on where we are in our lives and our businesses at the time. An entrepreneur leading a start-up will hear a leadership message differently 10 years later when he or she is challenged with building a leadership team that will lead to a sustainable enterprise.

I asked one of our long term Vistage members recently if he had ever considered leaving Vistage. His answer was “never, I learn something at every meeting, every one-to-one.” He leads a highly successful, high growth business. My belief is he learns something new each time, because he comes with different ears each time.

The same is true for the people that work for us. Some problems can’t be solved, because things happen. Life isn’t static and our businesses and our processes aren’t static. Last year in a post entitled “Is Your Leadership Team Your Co-Advisor“, I talked about the DIME Method: Design, Implement, Monitor, Evaluate. For me the repetition speaks to the Monitor and Evaluate part of the continuum. As problems get solved and things change, we must monitor, evaluate and then design again.

As you mull over this idea that problems can’t be solved, I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:

  • When was the last time we monitored or evaluated the systems we have in place?
  • Are we doing things, “because that’s the way we have always done it”?
  • What is the root cause of the problems that exist in my company today? Which of these require my repetitive time and attention?

Elisa K. Spain

 

Leadership Quote: Our Job As Marketers And Leaders

Leadership Quote: Our Job As Marketers And Leaders

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

2013 04-28 iStock_000016947133XSmallOnce again, I am taking a brief pause from the 45 Years of Leadership series for the monthly quote. The series will return next week with Marsh’s Leadership View #5.

This month’s leadership quote: 

Our job as marketers and leaders is to create vibrant pockets, not to hunt for mass. – Seth Godin 

This quote comes from Seth’s Super Bowl blog, entitled, Why do we care about football? In this post, Seth claims, that while mass TV built many elements of our culture, mass TV (except for the Super Bowl) is basically over. The new media giants of our age (Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc.) don’t point everyone to one bit of content, don’t trade in mass. Instead, they splinter, connecting many to many, not many to one.

Facebook, Twitter and Google connect businesses to business, businesses to consumers and consumers to consumers. The question is no longer simply are you B2B or B2C but rather who are your customers, who do you want to have as customers and how do you continue to be relevant to them.

Elisa K. Spain