Perception ≠ Reality

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

This week’s blog post appears on Executive Street Blog. Please click this link to view it.

We often hear the phrase perception is reality. In the physical world, we are told that we cannot perceive reality directly; perception is all we have. “If a tree falls in the woods…..”

As leaders, we transfer this rule into behaviors, i.e. how we perceive a product, becomes what it is. How we perceive a person or a company’s reputation is who they become for us. And, how we are perceived at work, we are told, becomes reality for our peers, subordinates and our bosses.

And yet, perception is often far from reality. Even in the physical world, when we don’t have enough information, e.g. without knowledge of time, darkness can be perceived as night or a storm.

I was reminded of this fact this past weekend. I was at our annual gathering of Vistage chairs, who have led groups for 10 or more years. Vistage chairs, as a group, tend to pay attention to the subtleties; after all, we are trained to do so. One would think, therefore, that this would translate to “knowing” that what we perceive may not be what is. Yet, like most other humans, we miss sometimes.

Here’s one example. On the first day, we did an exercise that was a “fun” icebreaker. Hmm, well, at least it was fun for the extroverts, and, to a person, the introverts found it uncomfortable. For the extroverts it was an energy break; for the introverts it was stepping outside our comfort zone. A good exercise for sure, and yet a very different exercise for us than for the extroverts. In fact, it wasn’t until I checked in with one of my fellow introverts that I understood how misaligned my perceptions were. We were talking later in the weekend and I asked him why it seemed that he didn’t recognize me when we passed each other several times during the first day exercise and he responded, “Wow, I didn’t even see you; I was just trying to get through it.” On that day, my perception was that he wasn’t interested in engaging with me. His reality was that he was so uncomfortable with the exercise that he disengaged completely.

Another way to say this: perception is about us, reality is about the other person.

The learning for me…

Ask a question and seek to understand the reality, beyond our own perceptions, and life will hold some lovely surprises.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Declare Your Independence

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

I have been reading a book called Necessary Ending, by Henry Cloud. In it, he uses a metaphor of rose bushes and compares them to our businesses, our careers and our lives. He explains that a rose bush cannot support all the buds it creates. And the ones that are beautiful only become beautiful because of pruning. Cloud describes three types of pruning: pruning the good but not great branches; pruning the sick branches; and finally pruning the deadwood. Perhaps the last two types are obvious, albeit sometimes hard to do in life. The first made me pause; really, I need to cut off some good branches for my rose bushes to flourish?

And, as I think about the upcoming independence day, I am noticing the parallel between necessary endings and independence. For some of our forefathers, my guess is the relationship with Great Britain was good, but not great. It certainly had benefits to go with the taxes and other challenges. And yet, despite the benefits, the founders of our country had the courage to recognize that an ending was necessary, declare their independence and fight for it.

So, for each of us, the question becomes…

Who or what do we need to declare our independence from (and perhaps fight to summon the courage to do it) so that we and our organizations can flourish like a well-pruned rose bush?

 

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Is The Sky Blue?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

In my work as a Vistage chair and leadership coach, I am constantly reminded that despite the fact that we are all the same species, with many characteristics in common, we truly do see the world differently.

We expect this to be so, when we travel internationally or interact with people of differing ethnic, cultural and national backgrounds. In these situations, most of us have a heightened awareness of our differences and most of us realize we need to pause, think about what the norms are for the other person, think about what we have learned about their culture and modify our interaction and our behavior accordingly. An easy example I remember from the international training I had in the corporate world is how we exchange business cards. In the U.S., we simply toss our card on the table. In Japan, a business card is “presented”; held in two hands and a formal exchange.

Yet, when dealing with people who speak our same language, we often forget to pause. I remember a colleague of mine from the UK saying, “we are two countries, divided by a common language”.

We forget that just because we speak the same language, may even come from the same community, we see the world differently. And the closer a person is to us, the more likely we are to forget. We simply carry on, behave in a manner that comes naturally to us and when it works, it works. And when it doesn’t, we leave a wake. Sometimes we recognize the wake we are leaving and work to repair it; sometimes we don’t see it.

When we are in a leadership position, and leave a wake with our folks, it is rare that it is brought to our attention directly. Rather, we learn about the impact we had, from actions and behaviors we see exhibited by our staff. Often we don’t connect the dots and see that it was our wake that caused the behavior in others that we don’t want to see.

So, what to do? Here are the questions I am asking myself:

  • Can I slow down, so that I have this heightened awareness in all conversations?
  • Once I notice the conversation is one that requires special attention, like the business card exchange, what do I already know and what do I need to learn about the other person, that will help me handle my delivery in a way that lands as intended?
  • When have I left a wake, what do I need to do to clean it up?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Are You Willing To Wait For Transformation?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Change is hard; it taxes the soul of both leaders and followers.

And, for many of us leading change, I wonder if this frustration sometimes leads to giving up or giving in too soon?

Two years ago I began a transformation process with one of the peer groups I lead. The change was disruptive. Some folks stayed, some folks left and we began the hard work as described by Dr. Bruce Tuckman in his elegant model of team development and group behavior, i.e. forming, storming, norming and now performing.

At the beginning, the task seemed daunting, and I often wondered if we would be adjourning, rather than transforming.

And then… the process took on its own life. We stormed through to norming and today we are congratulating ourselves on how well we are performing. Looking back, the time flew. Looking back, it wasn’t all that hard. Once I articulated the vision, communicated it often and asked each member to own it, the change began to happen. We were mindful of celebrating our wins and mindful of institutionalizing our new approaches. And most importantly, we continue to be mindful that while the present is to be celebrated; it must also be monitored and evaluated. We must follow the DIME model to prevent the new practices from becoming stale.

Biggest learning for me: stay the course; transformation takes time. Allow it to unfold at its own pace.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

How Do You Know When It Is Time To Go?

by Elisa Spain2 Comments

Whether you are a business owner, a professional manager, an advisor – or anyone who is engaged in an enterprise for an extended time – how do you know when it is time to go?

“Nothing is forever”, the old saying goes, and yet sometimes, perhaps even frequently, we stay too long. We watch professional athletes stay past their prime; and we participate in the debate about term limits for our congress; and yet, when it comes to our own engagements, how often do we look inward and debate our own need for term limits?

When I was negotiating my exit from the corporate world 15+ years ago, I remember a conversation I had with a friend. My friend asked me what I was going to do if I didn’t get the deal I wanted. My answer was, “I guess I will stay one more year”. Her response, “How many more years are you going to say, one more year?” It was in that moment I realized, it was time for me to go, regardless of the outcome of the negotiation. And… because I had made my decision to exit, I of course, handled the negotiation more effectively.

While this topic comes up every now and then with executives and business owners I coach, it surfaces mostly in a time of frustration. I wonder if instead it might serve us to ask ourselves this question as part of our annual strategic planning. What if, as part of strategic planning, every business owner or executive answered the following 5 questions:

  1. What did I give to the business, other than my time, this past year?
  2. What did I get, other than $$, from my engagement in the business?
  3. How do my answers to #1 and #2 compare to previous years?
  4. If my give/get has declined, what do I need to do to change this and do I have the passion and skill set to do it?
  5. If I didn’t lead or own this business, what would I be doing instead?

My noticing is, that if we have asked these questions in the past and have stopped asking them, we may already know that it is time to go…  

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Do Titles Matter?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

If you ask most founders of privately held companies, their answer is, ‘titles don’t matter’. In their eyes, everyone simply needs to do what needs to be done to make the company and all of us successful.

If you ask most professional managers, their answer is, ‘of course titles matter’. Titles tell the people in the company who is responsible and accountable for decision making. Titles also tell the outside world, customers and other stakeholders, who is who.

In the early days of entrepreneurial companies, hierarchies don’t exist and therefore titles are fluid and variable. These companies pride themselves on being nimble and quick to respond to marketplace demands. As Vistage companies grow, we Chairs encourage owners to build a leadership team so they can build a sustainable enterprise.

And, owners want experienced leaders to fill these leadership roles – In walks the professional managers mentioned above. These folks are accustomed to structure and ready to create that sustainable enterprise. With their ability to create processes to support a sustainable enterprise, comes their comfort and desire for hierarchy, titles, offices, etc.

Further, as companies grow, leadership needs grow as well. Regardless of what owners call themselves initially, the distinction between the role of the CEO (externally and long term focused) and the role of the President (internally and results focused) become relevant. Sometimes, regardless of company size, the same person can perform both roles and sometimes it becomes clear that the company will benefit if these two roles are split between two leaders.

And when the person the owner called Director or VP of Operations or Sales in the early days, has most of the company reporting to them today or is actually leading the #1 strategic initiative or leading the executive committee meetings, what message are you sending if you don’t change their title?

What does matter? Really..

  • For professional managers
    • Is it time to pause and ask, how much of what I expect in terms of hierarchy, paying dues, etc. matters?
    • What recognition is truly important for me to feel successful in my organization?
    • When joining a new organization or taking on an assignment, what behaviors, rather than titles and trappings, should I be asking for that will set me up to succeed?
  • For owners and founders
    • Is it time to provide role clarity for me and for my leadership team?
    • When is the right time to divide responsibilities and share both the leadership of the company and the associated titles?
    • What recognition do I want to give; when, to whom and for what reason?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Boundaries Do Have Consequences

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

As leaders in the 24×7 culture of the 21st century, we all must set boundaries. And they are different for each of us. Some of us like to stay at the office until the work for the day is completed and separate work time from family or play time. Some of us like to be connected all the time, handling things as they come up. These folks prefer a more integrated life rather than a separation. Still, others want to be home in the early evening and choose to “catch up” later on when everyone in their family has gone to bed.

There is no right or wrong; some of it is generational, some of it is just personal preference. And, what I have noticed, in the years I have been coaching executives, is that regardless of preference, setting boundaries is something many people struggle with. And people with young children struggle the most. People with families often agree to boundaries, rather than set boundaries between work and family; and they often forget to set aside time for themselves or agree to boundaries imposed upon them.

This is not a new subject; it is talked about and written about a lot. What I don’t hear discussed, as much, is the consequences of setting boundaries. For the sake of our loved ones, our health, or emotional health, we all must set boundaries that meet our needs. And, what I have come to realize is with very few exceptions, these boundaries have consequences. Sometimes the work doesn’t get done, sometimes our families are hurt or disappointed and sometimes the cost is economic, the customer goes elsewhere or we must leave our position and take one that allows us to live the boundaries we want, perhaps with lower compensation.

The question is, can we be intentional about choosing, so that we knowingly pay a cost we are willing to pay, rather than suffer a cost that we were neither expecting nor prepared to pay?

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain

Alignment: What’s In It For Me?

by Elisa SpainNo Comments

By now, you may have heard about the Jet Blue experiment, the gist of which was… on a recent flight, they gave away a free ticket to anywhere Jet Blue flies, as along as everyone on the plane agreed on the destination.

Frankly I was surprised to learn that the passengers all agreed and tickets were given away; after all it is a random group of people with different travel experiences and desires. Upon reflection, I realized that what happened was every single person on the plane was willing to give up something to get something. While it might appear that it was, sacrifice for the greater good, what was really taking place was sacrifice for self-interest.

It caused me to wonder how leaders might apply this same social experiment to gaining alignment in their companies. Here are my wonderings:

  • Are leaders who clearly articulate their vision offering a similar choice of destination?
  • If a leader also offers the actions that go with the vision, is this the ticket?
  • When the leader articulates, what is in it for each person, individually, is that the route to alignment?
  • Has the Jet Blue experiment demonstrated the true definition of alignment? Is it simply I am willing to give up something to get something, and if that something is the same for all of us, we have alignment?

The challenge, of course, is getting all this down to a simple statement of the end game and what each participant must do to get there.

Why Vistage Works

Elisa K. Spain