The Ever Elusive Search for Work-Life Balance

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

For many of us, the holy grail of success is achieving “Work-Life- Balance.” It is a topic of frequent discussion in my coaching sessions and is often first on the list when we start working together.
And yet, despite all the discussions, books, and articles, many of us feel this “balance” eludes us. It may be because we see it as an either/or – choosing between work and life to achieve balance.
What if, instead, we saw it, as James Michener did, becoming masters in the art of living.

“Masters in the art of living make little distinction
between their work and their play, their
labor and their leisure, their mind and their
body, their information, and their
recreation, their love, and their religion.
They hardly know which is which.
They simply pursue their vision of excellence at
whatever they do, leaving others to
decide whether they are working or playing.
To them, they are always doing both.”

Do They Really Like Me? Does It Matter?

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Many years ago, Sally Field famously accepted her Oscar, declaring, “You like me,” she said. “You really like me, ” strongly emphasizing the word ” really. ” What she actually said was, “I can’t deny the fact that you like me right now; you like me.” 

We probably misremember or misheard the quote because it isn’t just actors who are motivated by being liked; we all are. Psychologists say this misquote is sticky because it exemplifies a central human need.

And whether we are liked impacts our ability to have long-term, lasting success. Likability is an essential component of EQ, and it impacts the legacy we leave.

Of course, when taken too far, a focus on likeability can also impact our ability to have lasting success. 

Last week, I watched Death of a Salesman for the first time in many years. It is a tragic story about a salesman in the 1940s who believes that likeability is all one needs to succeed. And, not surprisingly, he finds out that it isn’t. 

Yet, we see the importance of likeability play out in business and, most visibly, in politics. 

Here in Chicago, we did not reelect our last mayor because lots of people don’t like her. Contrast that with Mayor “Ritchie” Daley, who served five terms from 1989 to 2011. Mayor Daley was extremely popular. As a result, he could do things people didn’t like (like swoop in and close an airport in the middle of the night, without any authority to do so) because people liked him, even if they didn’t always like what he did. (On side note, the airport closing turned out to be something the citizens of Chicago liked because it became a lovely park and concert venue). And our parks and the overall beauty of the city are part of Mayor Daley’s legacy.

Working with CEOs and C-suite executives, I observe the same phenomenon. Like Sally Field, the leaders who are really liked and respected by their teams get results. They get a pass when they make a mistake, especially when they own it and admit it. And more importantly, they get support when they want something to happen.

As we consider our own leadership, we should ask ourselves, perhaps daily: Even though I may already be respected, what can I do today to hone my EQ skills and increase my likability?

January Reflections – Bold Subtraction

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As January draws to a close, and we reflect on the goals we set, perhaps even create a new habit or two, is it also time to reflect on the nature of our goals?

Most of us tend to think in terms of additions.

  • What new thing do we want to do?
  • Where do we want to go?
  • What new accomplishments do we want to achieve?

The challenge with adding and not subtracting is, for most of us, there simply isn’t room. So, before you give up and join the ranks of folks exiting the gym before Valentine’s Day or stop setting goals, as one of my clients recently said, “I put the same things on my goal list every year; it seems silly to bother,” is it time to consider a bold subtraction instead?

Here are some questions that may help answer the bold subtraction question:

  • What did I give only my time, and not my passion, to last year?
  • How does this answer compare to previous years?
  • If my passion/time ratio has declined, what must I do or learn to change this? Do I want to continue to invest the required energy in this endeavor? 
  • If I boldly subtracted this passionless activity from my life, am I willing to go bravely forward not knowing, and instead discovering, what I will replace it with?

The Fresh Start Effect

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

Temporal landmarks inspire us to reflect on our lives in a big-picture way motivating us to set goals for better behavior. 

Researchers describe this phenomenon as the fresh-start effect. According to the fresh-start effect, people are likelier to take action toward a goal after temporal landmarks. Psychologists studying the fresh-start effect show that it works because highlighting meaningful occasions creates a clean slate for people to make better decisions. 

This month is one of those important temporal landmarks. A new year, a new beginning, an opportunity to choose:

  • What matters to me? What am I willing to change or stop so that what matters to me gets my attention?
  • What important thing have I been neglecting? Health perhaps?
  • What actions am I willing to take to turn my resolutions into actions and my actions into habits that extend beyond Valentine’s Day?

I Appreciate Your Grace

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

In the last few weeks, more than once, I’ve heard the comment, “I appreciate your grace or thank you for your grace.” 

  • Is it driven by the time of the year? 
  • Or the challenges of our divisive society?
  • Or the pace at which so many of us are moving?

Whatever the reason this is becoming a familiar refrain, it is a reminder of what it means to accept. Asking for grace is asking for acknowledgment of my humanity. Giving others grace is a compassionate act that says, “I won’t judge you.” 

In a world where judgments can be swift and unforgiving, giving grace can be a powerful reminder of the value of empathy, understanding, and forgiveness in building relationships and community.

Happy Holidays. 

It’s That Time of Year Again…

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

As the year draws to a close, we tend to want to take stock. With that in mind, here are a few questions to consider about the past year:

  • Who or What was the most rewarding experience?
  • Who or What was disappointing?
  • Who or What was surprising?

And for the coming year:

  • What am I looking forward to?
  • What do I want to accomplish? 
  • Have I checked in with myself on my goals? Will the ones I am pursuing feed what matters to me, or is something or someone else driving my goals?

Stay In Your Swim Lane

by Elisa Spain Comment Closed

The phrase “stay in your swim lane” has become a familiar refrain, especially in the corporate world. A euphemism for focus on your responsibilities, stay out of mine. 

It has also come to mean sticking to your area of competence and experience. 

But what if you want to try something new?

You Pivot™ clients want change; that’s why they sign up for the program. Sometimes, the change they seek results in a shift in the same lane; sometimes, it’s not only a new lane, it’s a new pool. 

Following is my personal swim lane story. I’ve had three major pivots in my life. My first significant pivot was a shift from executive in the financial services world to consultant in the same space. I was swimming in a new pool of entrepreneurship rather than corporate executive, but the lane, i.e., financial services, was familiar. 

My next pivot was to a new pool and a new lane as I began working primarily with C-Suite leaders of privately held companies, first as a consultant and then as a leadership coach. This pivot was challenging in new ways as I had to overcome the swim lane expectation. After spending 20+ years in financial services, that was my expected swim lane. I wanted to be industry agnostic, and it took a while before I had a diverse group of clients from different industries.

By the time I created the You Pivot™ Program, I had been swimming in my executive coach lane for many years. The shift from leadership coach to executive life coach – supporting leaders who are in transition and want to pivot – was seamless. 

As I think about my You Pivot™ clients, most have stayed in their lane. Some have chosen a shift to a new role in the same industry, and some have stayed where they were with a fresh perspective. A few have ventured out of their lane, e.g., from corporate executive to founder of a new enterprise, from business leader to not-for-profit leader, or even out of leadership to direct volunteering. 

The peer pressure to stay in your lane can be intense. I have a client who has been a not-for-profit leader for many years; colleagues are pushing her to move to her next NFP leadership role, to stay in her lane. She wants to explore other pools and has begun this exploration since we have been working together.    

In summary, while staying in your lane is easier and holds merit in some contexts, it is essential to recognize that there are situations where breaking free from such constraints is not only acceptable but advantageous. 

Embracing flexibility, being open to new experiences, and a willingness to investigate other “pools” can lead to personal and professional growth in this ever-changing world.