Inspiration | Elisa K. Spain

Perception ≠ Reality

July 10, 2016July 27, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

This week’s blog post appears on Executive Street Blog. Please click this link to view it.

We often hear the phrase perception is reality. In the physical world, we are told that we cannot perceive reality directly; perception is all we have. “If a tree falls in the woods…..”

As leaders, we transfer this rule into behaviors, i.e. how we perceive a product, becomes what it is. How we perceive a person or a company’s reputation is who they become for us. And, how we are perceived at work, we are told, becomes reality for our peers, subordinates and our bosses.

And yet, perception is often far from reality. Even in the physical world, when we don’t have enough information, e.g. without knowledge of time, darkness can be perceived as night or a storm.

I was reminded of this fact this past weekend. I was at our annual gathering of Vistage chairs, who have led groups for 10 or more years. Vistage chairs, as a group, tend to pay attention to the subtleties; after all, we are trained to do so. One would think, therefore, that this would translate to “knowing” that what we perceive may not be what is. Yet, like most other humans, we miss sometimes.

Here’s one example. On the first day, we did an exercise that was a “fun” icebreaker. Hmm, well, at least it was fun for the extroverts, and, to a person, the introverts found it uncomfortable. For the extroverts it was an energy break; for the introverts it was stepping outside our comfort zone. A good exercise for sure, and yet a very different exercise for us than for the extroverts. In fact, it wasn’t until I checked in with one of my fellow introverts that I understood how misaligned my perceptions were. We were talking later in the weekend and I asked him why it seemed that he didn’t recognize me when we passed each other several times during the first day exercise and he responded, “Wow, I didn’t even see you; I was just trying to get through it.” On that day, my perception was that he wasn’t interested in engaging with me. His reality was that he was so uncomfortable with the exercise that he disengaged completely.

Another way to say this: perception is about us, reality is about the other person.

The learning for me…

Ask a question and seek to understand the reality, beyond our own perceptions, and life will hold some lovely surprises.

Declare Your Independence

July 3, 2016July 1, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

I have been reading a book called Necessary Ending, by Henry Cloud. In it, he uses a metaphor of rose bushes and compares them to our businesses, our careers and our lives. He explains that a rose bush cannot support all the buds it creates. And the ones that are beautiful only become beautiful because of pruning. Cloud describes three types of pruning: pruning the good but not great branches; pruning the sick branches; and finally pruning the deadwood. Perhaps the last two types are obvious, albeit sometimes hard to do in life. The first made me pause; really, I need to cut off some good branches for my rose bushes to flourish?

And, as I think about the upcoming independence day, I am noticing the parallel between necessary endings and independence. For some of our forefathers, my guess is the relationship with Great Britain was good, but not great. It certainly had benefits to go with the taxes and other challenges. And yet, despite the benefits, the founders of our country had the courage to recognize that an ending was necessary, declare their independence and fight for it.

So, for each of us, the question becomes…

Who or what do we need to declare our independence from (and perhaps fight to summon the courage to do it) so that we and our organizations can flourish like a well-pruned rose bush?

Are You Willing To Wait For Transformation?

June 12, 2016June 9, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Change is hard; it taxes the soul of both leaders and followers.

And, for many of us leading change, I wonder if this frustration sometimes leads to giving up or giving in too soon?

Two years ago I began a transformation process with one of the peer groups I lead. The change was disruptive. Some folks stayed, some folks left and we began the hard work as described by Dr. Bruce Tuckman in his elegant model of team development and group behavior, i.e. forming, storming, norming and now performing.

At the beginning, the task seemed daunting, and I often wondered if we would be adjourning, rather than transforming.

And then… the process took on its own life. We stormed through to norming and today we are congratulating ourselves on how well we are performing. Looking back, the time flew. Looking back, it wasn’t all that hard. Once I articulated the vision, communicated it often and asked each member to own it, the change began to happen. We were mindful of celebrating our wins and mindful of institutionalizing our new approaches. And most importantly, we continue to be mindful that while the present is to be celebrated; it must also be monitored and evaluated. We must follow the DIME model to prevent the new practices from becoming stale.

Biggest learning for me: stay the course; transformation takes time. Allow it to unfold at its own pace.

Do Titles Matter?

May 22, 2016May 18, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

If you ask most founders of privately held companies, their answer is, ‘titles don’t matter’. In their eyes, everyone simply needs to do what needs to be done to make the company and all of us successful.

If you ask most professional managers, their answer is, ‘of course titles matter’. Titles tell the people in the company who is responsible and accountable for decision making. Titles also tell the outside world, customers and other stakeholders, who is who.

In the early days of entrepreneurial companies, hierarchies don’t exist and therefore titles are fluid and variable. These companies pride themselves on being nimble and quick to respond to marketplace demands. As Vistage companies grow, we Chairs encourage owners to build a leadership team so they can build a sustainable enterprise.

And, owners want experienced leaders to fill these leadership roles – In walks the professional managers mentioned above. These folks are accustomed to structure and ready to create that sustainable enterprise. With their ability to create processes to support a sustainable enterprise, comes their comfort and desire for hierarchy, titles, offices, etc.

Further, as companies grow, leadership needs grow as well. Regardless of what owners call themselves initially, the distinction between the role of the CEO (externally and long term focused) and the role of the President (internally and results focused) become relevant. Sometimes, regardless of company size, the same person can perform both roles and sometimes it becomes clear that the company will benefit if these two roles are split between two leaders.

And when the person the owner called Director or VP of Operations or Sales in the early days, has most of the company reporting to them today or is actually leading the #1 strategic initiative or leading the executive committee meetings, what message are you sending if you don’t change their title?

What does matter? Really..

For professional managers
- Is it time to pause and ask, how much of what I expect in terms of hierarchy, paying dues, etc. matters?
- What recognition is truly important for me to feel successful in my organization?
- When joining a new organization or taking on an assignment, what behaviors, rather than titles and trappings, should I be asking for that will set me up to succeed?

For owners and founders
- Is it time to provide role clarity for me and for my leadership team?
- When is the right time to divide responsibilities and share both the leadership of the company and the associated titles?
- What recognition do I want to give; when, to whom and for what reason?

Boundaries Do Have Consequences

May 15, 2016May 14, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

As leaders in the 24×7 culture of the 21st century, we all must set boundaries. And they are different for each of us. Some of us like to stay at the office until the work for the day is completed and separate work time from family or play time. Some of us like to be connected all the time, handling things as they come up. These folks prefer a more integrated life rather than a separation. Still, others want to be home in the early evening and choose to “catch up” later on when everyone in their family has gone to bed.

There is no right or wrong; some of it is generational, some of it is just personal preference. And, what I have noticed, in the years I have been coaching executives, is that regardless of preference, setting boundaries is something many people struggle with. And people with young children struggle the most. People with families often agree to boundaries, rather than set boundaries between work and family; and they often forget to set aside time for themselves or agree to boundaries imposed upon them.

This is not a new subject; it is talked about and written about a lot. What I don’t hear discussed, as much, is the consequences of setting boundaries. For the sake of our loved ones, our health, or emotional health, we all must set boundaries that meet our needs. And, what I have come to realize is with very few exceptions, these boundaries have consequences. Sometimes the work doesn’t get done, sometimes our families are hurt or disappointed and sometimes the cost is economic, the customer goes elsewhere or we must leave our position and take one that allows us to live the boundaries we want, perhaps with lower compensation.

The question is, can we be intentional about choosing, so that we knowingly pay a cost we are willing to pay, rather than suffer a cost that we were neither expecting nor prepared to pay?

Take A Break And Grow Your Company

April 17, 2016April 11, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Sometimes when life feels overwhelming, our instinctive reaction is to work more. This is especially true when our personal lives are demanding more of our attention; we feel we have to make up for that time, so as not to fall behind.

And, yet, I wonder if the counterintuitive response is to instead, take a break. Perhaps take more than one break. Go for a walk, go to the gym, meditate, do a few yoga poses, or simply sit quietly and take a few breaths.

And with that clearer mind the break provides, pause and think about what falls within Steven Covey’s four quadrants of time management. Most importantly, ask ourselves, is everything that feels urgent, truly important? Or is it urgent because we have lost our perspective, and are working “off the top”? In short, what is on our plate that can best be ignored, at least for now.

I remember years ago traveling with one of my colleagues. I had my files all spread out and was busy working on the plane. My colleague was sitting a few rows back, eating an apple. At the time, I thought, “well how unproductive she is; this is a great time to catch up”.

I have thought of that scene on the airplane many times in my life. It didn’t take me long to realize she chose the smarter option. The reality – business travel is exhausting; why not arrive refreshed and ready to take on the challenges of the day?

And, even if you aren’t actually traveling to the next truly important event (be it urgent or even better the important, non-urgent), why not approach it with a fresh and healthy mind and body?

The result may very well be the insight and action needed to grow your company.

Achieve No Goal Before It Is Time

April 3, 2016April 1, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Once well-known brand, Paul Masson wine, is best remembered for its 1970s marketing association with Orson Wells, who promised for Masson: “We will sell no wine before its time.” In this ad, Wells is discovered by the camera listening to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, “It took Beethoven four years to write that symphony” Wells says, “Some things can’t be rushed. Good music… and good wine”.

According to one of the members of my Vistage CEO group, the same applies to goals. He says, “it’s the goal that matters, not the timeline. If you don’t achieve your goal in the time frame you set, and it’s something important to you, then change the timeline, not the goal”.

Not unlike my blog, Let It Rest a couple of weeks ago, the message here is, let things unfold at their own pace. It’s hard sometimes to know when to activate, and when to simply pause and wait. Sometimes we want something so badly that we work and work to achieve our goal. What I have learned from observing successful leaders is they recognize what is in their control and what is not. And, they proceed accordingly; sometimes simply waiting for the right time to reengage, and reactivate.

Steve Jobs is famous for delaying the production of, and ultimately the release of products, until he was satisfied that the design met his goal. While he is perceived as an innovator, Apple was never the first mover. The first IPhone-like device was called the Treo. It did a lot of what the first IPhone did, but not well. Steve and his team took their time developing a better product. Steve is reputed to have sent his product development team back to the drawing board, time after time, to get the design exactly as he wanted it, i.e. just one button.

So, when setting your goals for your next product launch, next division, next business opportunity, remember Beethoven and Jobs. And, achieve no goal before it is time, better an IPhone than a Treo.

When Giving Feedback, Be Aware Of Your Executive Presence

March 13, 2016March 12, 2016 by Elisa SpainNo Comments

Vistage speaker, Michael Allosso, visited both of my groups this week. His workshop, “You On Your Best Day“, is a wonderful experiential reminder of both what it means to have executive presence and when we have it, what it takes to use this presence effectively.

Executive presence, as defined by the Center for Talent Innovation, is a combination of the visuals; appearance, posture and dress; communication skills: words, body language, vocal tone; and gravitas or commands respect.

Once you have acquired this presence, Michael reminds us that without a dose of humility, confidence or presence alone often can create a perception of arrogance and can be intimidating. The result can be that feedback can be heard as criticism creating resistance rather than encouraging development and improvement.

So, what to do….

Back to Socrates from last week’s post: Socrates Was So Wise – begin with a question. Perhaps the first question may be, “Is this a good time to discuss X”?; “Are you open to feedback on another way to think about this?”

Check in with your history with this person. Have you given enough of what Michael calls TSP in the past to earn the right to give constructive feedback? (TSP – truthful, specific, positive feedback, with emphasis on the specific, so the person knows that you respect them and their work)

Check in with how your feedback is landing. Watch the other person’s body language. Is your feedback landing as intended? If not, perhaps it is time for another question, such as “I am noticing… what is going on for you in this conversation; what are you hearing?”

In short, while it is the listener’s responsibility to hear feedback and take it in Accepting Feedback, it is the speaker’s responsibility, especially when the speaker is in a power role, also to listen, notice and provide feedback in a manner in which it can be heard.

Socrates Was So Wise

March 6, 2016March 4, 2016 by Elisa Spain1 Comment

I have become convinced the Socratic Method is the secret to business success. In short, the answer is in the question. By asking better questions, we enable others to come to their own resolutions. Most of us in business are problem solvers, and often the answer to someone else’s problem or challenge seems obvious to us. Therefore, we rush in with advice, without stopping and asking questions. What I have learned, and continue to remind myself of daily, is that by asking more poignant questions, the resulting answer may not only be better, it may also be different than what we perceived as obvious before we asked. And most important, eureka only comes when a person discovers their own answer.

Following is a quote from one of my CEO members that, to me, captures the essence:

“I had a very interesting life lesson yesterday. Another member was leading and that was probably a little difficult for me to have someone else in charge. Once I accepted my role and decided to listen instead of work hard to offer my opinion, my perception of how I could add value changed drastically. I remember that Elisa said, ‘work to ask questions and not just offer suggestions’. I struggle with that as I always want to solve other people’s problems for them. It’s like counseling. The counselor never seems to tell you your problem; they just keep asking questions until you have the realization and state it yourself. That always bugged me. I now realize that until someone deeply understands their own problem, they will not take action nor will they truly support any action that they do take based on another’s understanding. I think I got more value out of the meeting than any other person in the room. That value was directly linked to not talking”.

We Are Bound By What We Know

February 21, 2016February 19, 2016 by Elisa Spain1 Comment

Ah, the wonder of a child. We hear all the time that all children are creative, all children are artists; and then something happens as adults and we self-select into those who are creative and artistic, and those who are not.

I wonder how much of this is because as adults we are bound by what we know. The more we bring our knowledge and experience to a given circumstance, the more likely we are to miss an opportunity to look with the fresh eyes of a child. On the other hand, knowledge often equals wisdom, the ability to learn from experience and therefore make better choices.

So, how do we know when we are bringing wisdom and when we are bringing limiting beliefs to a given situation? Perhaps these questions can help:

Is what I am about to do something I have done before and if so, is my previous experience relevant?
If it is something new, is my previous experience truly relevant, or is it holding me back?
Am I uncomfortable with taking on something new and therefore looking for knowledge that will justify my discomfort?
What if I suspended judgement and argued for a reason to say yes?
What if I suspended judgement and argued for a reason to say no?